Kim Beazley
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“Who!?”
~ Mike Jones on Kim Beazley
“What!?”
~ Kim Beazley on Policies
“When!?”
~ Kim Beazley on The 1st Time He lost To Howard
“Why!?”
~ God on Kim's Existence
“How!?”
~ Kim on Obtaining Food
Kim Beazley (b. 1947) was a former leader of the Australian Hopeless Party and also a past Lord of the Losers. Kim was lost the parties leadership following an incident where Kevin Rudd tricked him into not running for party leader, by convincing him there was a chocolate iced donut waiting for him at the cafeteria. However when Kim realised he had been fooled, the election had already occurred. He is currently sueing Kevin Rudd for the total of one chocolate iced donut.
Also known as Big Kim or 'Fatty', Kim Beazley became leader for the second time in 2005 after beating Mark Latham soundly around the head many times, and pushing his limp body out back door. Mark Latham later died, and many credit Kim Beazley with his murder. He had previously murdered Simon Crean as well. Double-murderer Beazley is from the party's dominant Catholic Nutter faction, and has had several squabbles with the party's other faction, the Socialist Nutters.
Since 2005, Bob Brown of the Dirty Commie Hippie Greenie Party has been stealing his votes and nuts stored for the winter. If you hold a UV light up to Beazley you can see his apparent fat-bloated form is actually a giant barrel of nuts. Many Australians believe it is a shame that he never uses any of them.
Kim Beazley is also a planet orbiting a distant sun. Recent evidence has suggested both Kim Beazleys may be the same thing.
Sadly, in 2004 Big Kim's brother, Big Kev, died somehow - possibly as a result of getting just a little too excited over the awesome cleaning power of his products. After losing the next election, Big Kim plans to carry the torch for Big Kev, selling more cleaning products through daytime TV shows. Unless he dies too.
Some have also suggested that Kim Beazley is, in fact, a small Pacific island nation, which would account for his inability to mount a successful take over of... well, anything.
After all his 'sux'cess in politics he still hadn't been to the Whitehouse. But you can see him in the other whitehouse on Sunday Evenings on Channel Ten as part of The Biggest Loser.[1] With the loss of 20 kilos and 3 federal elections he is certainly one of the biggest losers of all time.
[edit] See Also
