King Diamond

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King Diamond? Best band ever.

~ David Bowie on King Diamond

King Diamond is a timetraveller, member of a famous metal band, wears his trousers too tight, stole Gene Simmons face, solo artist, monarch and jeweler. But he is a king, and he is rich enough to afford even the most valuable diamonds.

The son of Holocaust survivors, Diamond enjoyed a childhood of privilege as a member of Copenhagen's most respected family of jewelers. Upon hearing Deep Purple in his teens, Diamond determined that a life of procuring, cutting and polishing precious gems didn't appeal to him as much as one of playing rock 'n' roll. A rare skin condition rendered the skin on King's face especially sensitive to sunlight. As a result, King had to apply full-face makeup whenever he went out in public.

After moderate success with the band Black Rose, King met up with members of the punk band Bratz to eventually form the legendary metal band Mercyful Fate.

King Diamond's redone facepaint, after being forced to change by the UN.
King Diamond's redone facepaint, after being forced to change by the UN.


Contents

[edit] As a Solo Artist/Tormentor

On his own King Diamond released many hit CDs that allowed him to gain a great influence and travel the world. His followers were known as the "Diamond Bangers". This badass following spread Diamond's music by playing it really loud in their vehicles, house, public events, hell, heaven, and anywhere else you can think of. Soon, the divinity of the "Diamond Bangers", or "Diamond Blasters" as some called them, was growing.

But the rest as they say, is history.

[edit] Discography

[edit] With Mercyful Fate

  • Down with Mercy (1924)
  • Another glass, M'lady (1927)
  • Don't Take Them Both (Protect My Balls) (1984)
  • Dunk that Dew (2006)

[edit] Solo

  • Where'd Czechslovakia go? (1936)
  • From Renice to Vome: Italian Concerto LIVE (1938)
  • I am Black Thunder!! (1946) - Confessions Tour
  • King Diamond:RODENT PARADISE (2006} - Dedication
  • The Puppet Masturbator (6969)
  • Rich-a in the sky with diamond!! (unknown)

[edit] Trivia

  • Diamond's music was used to increase the morale of soldiers in the Vietcong.
  • King Diamond, is reported to be presently masquerading as one Siddharth Ravichandran (a.k.a KingD) and is well known in the pearl trade business.
  • The prophesied heir to the king may have already graced the world, PrinceD (original name unknown) has been sighted by many reliable witnesses.
  • King Diamond is the illegitimate father of Dark_AleX, whose mother is Charlotte the Harlot.
  • King Diamond is father of Dustin Diamond, best known for playing "Screech" on Saved by the Bell.
  • If King Diamond were an actual diamond, his karat weight would be more than 1,000k.
  • Diamond Holds "Bass Angler of the Year" title for 1989, 1991 and 1995.
  • His ill-advised country and western project with Buck Owens was a commercial failure.
  • King's microphone stand is made of Mickey Dee.
  • Diamond settled his legal dispute over his make-up pattern with Gene Simmons in an old-fashioned bitch-slapping contest.
  • Neil Diamond is actually King Diamond without make-up.
  • King Diamond is believed to be behind the dispaearence of a young Miss Madeline McCann
  • In 2007, he threw out his back humping your mom and has been unable to tour as a result.

[edit] See Also

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