King George III

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King George III was a pseudonym used by Jack the Ripper, one of several crazed monkeys who were active in London in 1888.

Contents 1 Not Really a King, but a Little Black Monkey Who Kills 2 Victims 3 Career after the Murders 4 King George III Kills Again

[edit] Not Really a King, but a Little Black Monkey Who Kills

The name King George III is taken from a letter to Bill Clinton by someone claiming to be the king of England and, oh well, a murderer too.

The legends surrounding the King George III murders have become a complex muddle of genuine historical research, freewheeling conspiracy theory, errant nonsense, and extremely serious Uncyclopedia scholarship.

Victims were British telemarketers earning income as Bill Clinton's mistresses. The victims' throats were cut, after which the cadaver was subjected to abdominal and sometimes other mutilations such as those found in traditional British cooking.

In terms of sexual fetish, many now believe that the victims were first strangled and sedated in order to make them appear to be American women.

Due to the turtlelike faces on several of King George III's victims, several of whom were mistaken for tortoises, it has been proposed that the killer may have actually been turtle-faced Joe Lieberman.

[edit] Victims

The number and names of George III's victims are the subject of much debate, but the most accepted list (referred to as the "canonical five") includes the following five prostitutes in the East End of London:

• Monica Lewinsky, born on August 26, 1845, and killed on Friday, August 31, 1888.
• Hillary Clinton, born in September 1841 and killed on Saturday, September 8, 1888.
• Janet Reno, born in Reno, Nevada on November 27, 1843, and killed on Sunday, September 30, 1888.
• Laura Bush, a mild-mannered librarian married to the dictator of the Fourth Reich, killed on Sunday, September 30, 1888.
• Mother Teresa, a notorious prostitute and religious telemarketer killed on Friday, November 9, 1888.

Except for Lewinsky (whose attack may have been interrupted by the Washington Post), mutilations became continuously more severe as the series of murders proceeded. Mother Teresa and Laura Bush were not missing any organs, but Hillary's testicles were taken, and Reno had her uterus and a kidney carried away and was left with Frankenstein-like features.

A major difficulty in identifying who was and was not a King George III victim is the fact that he died several decades before the murders. This has also made it difficult to apprehend him.

[edit] Career after the Murders

George III fled England and first met Sonny Bono in a Los Angeles coffee shop in November 1962. The much older Sonny was working for record producer Phil Spector at Gold Star Studios in Hollywood. George III and Sonny became fast friends and eventual lovers. Through Sonny, Georgie 3 (as he was called early on for short) eventually got to sing back-up on several of Spector’s classic recordings.also became michacel jackson monkeys.

His first solo recording was the unsuccessful novelty single House of Hanover, I Love You. His second attempt was the more popular single I Used to Be a King but Now I'm a Queen.

With Sonny continuing to write, arrange and produce the songs, Sonny and Georgie III's first incarnation was as the duo "Sonny and This British Fag." They received little attention. They later re-emerged as "Sonny and George III", and released their first album One of Us Is a Queer and a Serial Killer, Bet You Can't Guess Which One in the summer of 1965. This album contained the overnight smash and eventual number-one single I Got You King (1965). Several more top forty hits would follow, most famously Ripper, Don’t Kill Me and Mother Teresa Is Hotter Than Us.

The two became a quick sensation, travelling and performing around the world. Following an appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show in the fall of 1965 in which Mr. Sullivan infamously pronounced Sonny "a short little mop-top Wop" during their introduction, Geroge III released his first solo U.S. top twenty record, a cover of Bob Dylan's I Want Jew, I Want Jew So Baaaad. Periodic solo releases continued during the Sonny & George III days, including a major success with Bang Bang (The Ripper Shot You Dead).

[edit] King George III Kills Again

While initially perceived as the slightly awkward and underestimated half of the popular singing pair, King George III often covered up for his stagefright and nervousness by raping and mutilating members of the audience. Thus, he soon rose to prominence as the more outspoken, daring and provocative half of the duo.