Richard I
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“A gayer man I have yet to meet.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Richard I
Richard I (October 31, 666 - June 6, 1944) was King of England from 1111 to 1199, and then again from 1308 to 1313. He was also known as Richard the Gay for his cheery disposition, especially toward lions. Contrary to popular belief, he was not the alter-ego of Patrick Stewart, but in fact the uncle of Sean Connery. During the Crusades, he and his boyfriend Phil went on a tour of the Middle East, which at that time was called the Slightly Left of Centre East. There he met Saladin, who acted very cordially to him at first, but then insulted Phil's sense of style, and that ruined the whole thing. Richard and Phil then rented an apartment in Boston, where they felt they would be more accepted. His brother, King John text-messaged him from England that he was having trouble with Kevin Costner and his band of merry men. Richard replied that he was a vassal of Kevin's part-time empire of Waterworld, and besides, his movies weren't that bad. John replied with "omg ur gay :(" and the two brothers never spoke again until the next Peter O'Toole film.
