Kisame
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“Kisame Hoshigaki? Nope never heard of him”
~ Oscar Wilde on Kisame
“That's my boy”
~ Jaws on His son
“He never stops asking if we can hang out. It gets rather annoying”
~ Itachi Uchiha on Kisame
“I've heard of you Kisame Hoshigaki!”
~ Kurenai on Kisame
“Nice to meet you and hope to get "acquainted" later”
~ Kisame on Kurenai
“Yo listen up, here is the story about a little guy who lives in a blue world”
~ Eiffel 65 on Kisame
“Nope, I still have no idea who you are.”
~ Might Guy on no-one knowing who Kisame is
Kisame Hoshigaki (pronounced "Kiss-on-me Ho-she-got-me") is a half man, half shark ninja from the Village Hidden in the Mist (but popular belief is that he comes from Atlantica, the same birthplace of the Little Mermaid Ariel). He is Itachi Uchiha's partner and happens to be the least known member of the Akatsuki. Proof of this is his habit of asking people he is about to annihilate if they ever heard of him.
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[edit] Early Life
It is a well known fact that Kisame is the son of the well known shark, Jaws. Of course he didn't want to go into the family business of attacking random people on some beach. Of course, he still wanted to become famous so he figured the quickest way to becoming famous was to be part of a band.
It would take Kisame years of heartbreak, constant trips to the family psychiatrist, and practice, but eventually he landed a huge role in the band Eiffel 65. Of course, the band would go on to achieve only moderate success and only manage to score a one-hit wonder; a song called "Blue" which was a song all about Kisame's hard childhood.
When Kisame grew angry of the fact that the band wasn't working out, he immediately disimbanded Eiffel 65 and returned to his homeland of the Village Hidden in the Mist where he would join his old college roommate Zabuza Momochi in the well know Seven Swordsman of the Mist. Of course, when the group drew straws to see who would get the cool weapons first, Kisame got the small straw and was stuck picking a giant shark skin sword which looked very much like a giant popsicle. The group would go on to achieve only moderate infamousy and eventually the group disimbanded. Kisame would go on to do a couple of pathetic thug like activities until he finally made a smart decision and joined Akatsuki. He was paired with the group's social case Itachi Uchiha. Of course, unlike the other members whom don't get along, the duo hit it off nicely and became good friends. In the years that followed, Kisame continued to pursue his dream of being recognized. He would continue to ask people if they ever heard of him, only to be heartbroken with their responses; until he as he loved to say "cut them to ribbons".
[edit] Visit to Konoha
Years later, Kisame and Itachi paid a visit to Konoha to pick up some alcoholic beverages for a huge party their organization was hosting. Oh and they had to invite Naruto Uzumaki to the party for some unknown reason. The two of course got lazy on the trip and made the foolish decision to have some tea at a local bar where the village's international man of mystery, Kakashi Hatake just happened to be hanging out with the village's least popular jonin pair Asuma and Kurenai. They got discovered and just when the pair was about to leave the village with the alcoholic beverages that they stole from the bar, were stopped by Asuma and Kurenai. While Itachi played the pasafistic kid threatening to kick the couple's asses if they refused to move, Kisame wasted no time in introducing himself and asking if the two ever heard of him. Asuma shook his head, but just as Kisame was about to cry in despair, Kurenai admitted she had heard of him. Immediatly, Kisame jumped with joy. Finally! Someone had heard of him. Kisame proceeded to announce his intentions of wanting to get "acqauinted" (for those that have been reading this article, but have yet to realize it, "acqauinted" is Kisame's code word for sex) with her later, but this only got Asuma in a fighting mood. Needless to say, Kisame used his giant popsicle stick to totally shread Asuma's arm and he could have finished him off too, but Kakashi arrived on the scene and saved the talentless jonin. Kakashi then immediately recognized Kisame and expressed how he loved his work with the Seven Swordsmen of the mist. Needless to say, Kisame blushed in embarrassment and began to cry in joy. This was one hell of a day for him. Yet anothe person heard about him. Kisame and Itachi played with the jonin until Might Guy came and pushed back their attack. Although Kisame was immediately interested in Might Guy because he looked so much like one of The Beatles and wanted to get the chance to fight the creepy jonin, they got bored and got back to their objective, inviting Naruto to their party.
The duo immediately got to work asking people where the little village idiot was. It took them several hours, but then got a tip that he was staying at the local Holiday Inn. Shortly after that, the two found the room he was staying in. After Itachi announced their intentions, Kisame proceeded to ask Naruto if he ever heard of him. Itachi shook his head and wondered why his desperate for attention teammate even bothered asking that question. Kisame got pissed and threatened to chop of one of Naruto's legs. Of course, Sasuke came unto the seen and aroused Kisame's interests as he looked just like Itachi. He then proceeded to ask Sasuke if he ever heard of him, but of course Sasuke was only focused on Itachi. Kisame wanted to beat the holy hell out of the emo child for not knowing who he was, but let the kid's older brother knock the crap outta him while he attended to Naruto. Of course, before he could do anything, Jiraiya arrived on the scene with a passed out chick on his shoulders.
Jiraiya immediately recognized Kisame and expressed his admiration of his hit song "Blue". Kisame immediately glomped Jiraiya and proceeded to skip like a crazy lunatic. This really was the best day of his miserable life. Not one, not two, but 3 people knew who he was. Of course before Kisame could express his intentions of getting "acquainted" with Jiraiya, he was forced to retreat with Itachi when Jiraiya performed some perverted frog jutsu. The two wouldn't return to the village for some years to come, but Kisame looked forward to writing about his incredible day in his diary when they got back to the hideout.
[edit] Present
Currently, Kisame is in the Akatsuki hideout reminesing about his fantastic day in Konoha 2 years prior. He would become good friends with fellow member Deidara whom also happened to be a former artist, but an artist of a completely different form of art. The two would normal talk about Itachi for some strange reason and Kisame would express his deep sorrow about not having as many fangirls as Itachi or Deidara. Of course, he wanted to cross paths with Might Guy and get to fight the bushy browed Beatle wannabe.
[edit] Abilities
Kisame's abilities are hardly known by anybody, but for those that do know of them (mostly Akatsuki members, Zabuza, Itachi, and his new friends in Konoha) he is very adapt with water techniques. He can vomit water and create giant lakes for no reason whatsoever. He could also use his mastery over water to imprison his foe in a giant bubble of water. He can than proceed to suffocate them to death by having them listen to Eiffel 65's song "Blue" on repeat till the bubbles stopped. Oh and he could create sharks out of water as well, complete with the theme from Jaws.
His weapon of choice is a sword made completely of shark skin, but because he wraps it daily in cloth for no reason, many people think he carries around a giant popsicle.
[edit] Personality
Regardless of what people say, Kisame happens to be the friendliest member of the Akatsuki. In response to this statement, fellow Akatuski member and well known mental case Tobi had this to say.
“What!?! No way! Tobi is a good boy. Tobi is a good boy”
~ Tobi on Kisame
While this statement made no sense whatsoever, one could think the little pumpkin face bafoon was stating he was the friendliest member. Of course, this would be false. Kisame is not only polite, but he is very curious and is quite possibly the most talkative member of his organization. While he still has a habit of being evil, one can't help, but love the freakishly disturbing man shark known as Kisame.
