Kjetil Valen and the Actionscripters

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“In a world where bands sing about how much life sucks and call it "emo", there is only one group of individuals who can seriously hold my interest for more than five minutes, and that would be Kjetil Valen and the actionscripters.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Kjetil Valen and the Actionscripters

[edit] Why should you bother reading this page?

You shouldn't. Seriously, click something else. This page is is utter and complete crap. In fact, it probably deserves the crap template but I don't really feel like putting it here.

[edit] Cast

Kjetil Valen and the Actionscripters consists of many un-unique and unintresting people who have no talent. The following is a list of group members and their insignificant bios:

Kjetil

The self-appointed leader of his group of misfits. The lead singer, he has neither denined or confirmed that he is Norweigian. He aspired to be the lead singer of a band bearing his own name, until the issue of talent came up. He decided that it was not needed, because other bands like his (such as the Dave matthews band) did not need talent to hit it big in the music world. So with a little bit of his patented Macromedia Magic Kjetil Valen had himself a band.

Rastaman

They say that for every roach you kill in your house, there is ten more that you can't kill. This theory is indeed credited to Rastaman himself. He said he came up with it while playing Gender Neutral Pac-Person with his good friend Cliff Notes. A frequent guest of FOX's The Situation Room: Cancelled editon, Rastamn adds the Jamaican flair like only a card carrying diner's club member can.

Colin Powell: Deluxe Editon

Fresh off the road from his campaign tour for President with his running mate, Condolezza Rice Advanced, Colin decided to lend his deep falsetto voice to the actionscripters when Kjetil observed him during a game of nop, which Colin won. Formerly a tenor sax player for Pudding brand Pudding, Colin was liquefied and vacuum sealed into a plastic cup. He was found and opened by Steven Hawking, who tried to consume the contents. Hawking frantically spat while yelling, "What tastes like conservative!!??!?"

Lemon Scented Pledge Furniture Wipes

The drummer for the band, he once made a meager living starring in commercials. However, he felt like a little piece of him was missing after every use and wanted to do more with his life. He talked to his brother Lysol and joined the Accapella group 20-mule team Borax but just felt like he didn't belong. Kjetil caught him after a Borax concert and immeadiately recruited him into the Actionscripters, but not after polishing his Oak Armoire.

[edit] The first concert

The kitten huffing victims relief concert, Huff-Aid. The corn pops man was mysteriously absent (it later turned out that his bowels were clogged with MSG).

The first concert the actionscripters played was the Kitten Huffing Victims Relief concert, with such greats as The Corn Pops man and Kanye West.

They played their number one sleeper hit, "I want to make your body move while keeping sound synchronization in check" and the gut-wrenching love-ballad, "Please don't forget (to back up your audio tracks)". The crowd raised their lighters high and the actionscripters played one last time. They played "Arms aren't 2 by 4's, please bend their animated elbows". And it was good for eight whole hours of nonstop wailing by Valen himself. Together over 2 dollars were raised for the Kitten Huffing victims.