Klingon checkers
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Klingon checkers is a strategic and tactical board game which was invented by Khrau'ghkK'Ptoqr the Unpronounceable on the renegade Klingon colony of Pgau'ghch Theta 5, during the Bloody Age of Moq'Tpahgj.
Contents |
[edit] Description
Klingon checkers bears some superficial similarity to Earth checkers, but with several minor differences:
- Instead of 64 squares, the board consists of a semi-irregular truncated heptadecagon which in turn is divided into thousands and thousands of triangular spaces. The colors of each of the spaces (traditionally blood-red and blood-purple) are chosen to graphically approximate the swamp-infested topography of Pgau'ghch Theta V in Mercator projection.
- Each of the 137 pieces on each side represents a notable dramatic character from the vast repertoire of Klingon opera.
[edit] Rules
- Any number of pieces may, without warning, invade a single space simultaneously. Opposing pieces within the same space are declared to be in Ghrau'kuggt'Taq'ptU (a form of battle-mode caused by extreme overcrowding), and are subject to having rdhaWr'awK dueling daggers thrown at them by the participants, until at least 75% of them are toppled over, representing an honorable death.
- Members of the viewing audience may be unexpectedly decapitated by errant flying rdhaWr'awKs. This is considered perfectly normal, and is worth 2 bonus points.
- Any piece that successfully reaches the extreme rank of the opposing player's corpse-ridden battlefield is granted the title of DharRmoqt'FarzzkwaK'bbq'wtF'brzztaug'hglsqloPfriGGhjokt, which then empowers that piece to stab any opposing piece in the back with its concealed rdhaWr'awK without a corresponding loss of honor.
- In the rare event of stalemate, both players are shamefully disgraced and are expected to immediately commit ritual suicide.
- Jumping is non-obligatory.
[edit] Masters of Klingon checkers
The longest reigning Grand Master of Klingon checkers was Growff'wanK son of Kor, who achieved interstellar fame for the glory of the Klingon Empire by devouring the writhing internal organs of hundreds of his defeated enemies. Growff'wanK was also the first to achieve the nearly-impossible "Triple Jump across the Blood-Filled Lake of Burning Intestines" in an Empire-sanctioned competition on stardate 4793.5.
Another great master of Klingon checkers was K'regg son of Fn'tarr. He once managed to win an entire tournament (stardate 3999.9) on walkover. His tactic revolved around being bigger than everyone else, and swinging a bat'leth. All of his opponents withdrew from the tournament, and he was declared the first champion of Klingon checkers who did not know the actual rules of the game.
