Knitting

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In this new day and age of sports knitting has finally come to the rise and hit the records best ever extreme sport. One lady who was knitting a pair of socks everyday is what we in the trade call a hardcore knitter. There have been many attempts to break world records in this area of extreme sports but problems arise when people attempt to buy matching buttons and thread. Many say that a sock doesn't need buttons and that sewing on a button is not part of the traditional knitting way, but like most old sports the new has thrived. The buttons and zips that make the accessories of the knit complete are all beneficial. With the release of the new extreme sports knitting packs people have all being trying to find the ultimate button and thread combination. The best so far was the standard black or white thread and a black and white checkered button. The panel of judges is still making up its mind about this, however.

[edit] Record holders

The biggest record holders are:

Peter Andre who holds the record for the most plastic knitted to himself in three hours (In the view of many people, this was a stupid event and not at all like the knitting that should happen. However, you must remember that he HAD to go into Big Brother.).

The Queen who knitted covers for her throne, Crown and scepter in just one week.

Osama Bin Ladin who holds the record for the most number off gun warmers ever knitted, and also the award for the most wanted criminal ever to knit.

David Beckham known also for the first knitted football boot covers to keep his shoes warm in winter.

Chris Moyles who knitted the first funnel so that he could keep pouring booze down his throat without spilling any.

George Bush holds the record for the first severely mentally handicapped person to swallow his grandmother's favourite woolly handknitted jumper. He also holds the record as the only person ever to make more than 2 stupid decisions whilst knitting. He now holds the record at 12,000 stupid decisions whilst knitting. His most recent piece of hand-knitted craft being his invisible foreign policy which he paid a 32 billion contract to purchase the wool and special tools to make.

Jordan holds the record for the largest bra ever knitted, due simply to the size of her enormous tits.

[edit] A little history

Knitting dates to approximately 20,000 BC, when it was first used by the Scottish to make underwear. Because the extreme itchiness (yarn was typically spun from the wool of scabid sheep) made wearers irate, the wearing of underwear was quickly outlawed, and it remains illegal in parts of Scotland to this day. Only during wartime were men allowed to wear underwear, as the resulting rash helped fuel aggression and made them better at fighting. Women were never permitted to wear underwear because it slowed down the progress of Viking rapists and could cost a woman her life.

The Aztecs were also fond of knitting. Knitting gave young children the opportunity to learn basic swordplay, and provided children and adults alike with a means of distracting their minds until the next sacrifice. This means that, technically, the entire culture should hold the record for the largest number of people ever to engage in knitting without finishing a single project.

Knitting's popularity waned during the early 20th century because of the German anti-knitting regime. Hitler orchestrated a mass extermination of people who knitted, and his army of children struck terror into grandmothers everywhere.

[edit] Knitting needles as weapons

There are numerous instances in history when knitting needles have been used in assault or self-defense. Notable incidents include:

In 1994, a would-be rape victim in New York City defended herself with a knitting needle. Details of its use were not released to the press.

Knitting needles are not permitted on major airlines because of their potential to be used as a weapon. Also, there is a security concern that passengers may knit an Afghan.