Knock knock joke
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“Knock Knock.”
~ Ida Know on knock knock jokes
“Who's there?”
~ Anonymous on that knocking sound
“Ida.”
~ Ida Know on who's there
“Ida who?”
~ Anonymous on Ida
“Ida know!”
~ Ida Know on not knowing who she is
“Wow, that sucked.”
~ Anonymous on Ida's joke sucking
“:(”
~ Ida Know on Ida's joke sucking
What do you get when you mix a door, a hand knocking on it, and somebody asking who it is into a blender, put it on the "shake" setting, and wait a few minutes? A giant and disgusting pulp of wood, human flesh, and blood. However, if you let it chill for a day in the fridge, you get the knock knock joke, the greatest thing to happen to humor since the first "yo mama" joke was made!
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[edit] Origin
[edit] Who goeth there?
The creation of the knock knock joke can be traced back to England, around 1032, near the end of the "Comedic Dark Age". Many court jesters were losing their popularity around that time; the latest addition of fools (disfigured people rambling like complete idiots) quickly replaced them due to their lower import price. Much like in modern times, the crazy, random, and stupid had beaten the witty, mature, and hard working.
Anyways, two unknown jesters of the period needed some quick cash and thought up the routine known as "Ye Olde Knocke Knocke Joke". The following is a transcript of the joke. It should be noted that many Bothans died to bring us this information.
"Knocke Knocke." "Who goeth there?" "Knight." "Ah, but of what blood name, good sir?" "Knight Time!" [forced laughter]
AHAHAHA! Good times had by all. While the joke had gained some respect and had a series of spinoffs, such as "YOKKJ 2: Sword Fish", the fool population of the English kingdom quickly responded with a joke that gained even more popularity.
PENIS!
While shadowed but not forgotten with the much more popular "Penis" joke, the knock knock joke was now forever carved in history (by "carved", we kind of mean, like, nicked or scratched or something).
[edit] The science of the knock
The above mathematical formula, made by Albert Einstein around 1935, was the first formula that showed the underlying atomic structure of knock knock jokes. In quick summary, two knocks and a question equal half of the answer. Half of a question plus the asking of another half equals the answer in full, with a witty joke. Witty joke equals AHAHAHAHA! While the theory was totally useless, it was the first time the "rules" of a knock knock joke were set, so it's (kind of, maybe, I guess) worth mentioning here.
[edit] Performing the knock knock joke
So, you've decided to try your hand at a knock knock joke? Well, by all means, go ahead!
...Wait. Uh, you're not supposed to do that. What are you doing with your... OH GOD. WHAT THE HELL. Geez, what were you doing there? Wait, what's... NO!!!
Okay [pant, pant], okay. I see you don't know how to actually perform a knock knock joke. You'll need some help there. And wash your hands; I don't want to look at that any longer than I have to, man.
REMINDER: two people are required to do this. Ask an adult for help.
[edit] Step 1: the knock
One person takes one of their hands and knocks twice on a door. The more popular method is to say "knock" twice (pronounced "KHNOCKSH - KHNOCKSH").
[edit] Step 2: ANSWER ME, DAMNIT!
The other person involved (preferably not by force) in the joke must now ask "who's there?". Other alternatives include...
- Who goeth there?
- WTF?
- Who be da nizzle by mah dizzle?
- I don't think we're alone...
- Leave me alone, I'm (editing Uncyclopedia/masturbating)!
[edit] Step 3: it's-a me, ____!
The first person now responds with the first part of their totally ridiculous and silly name. Some suggestions for the first and second half...
- Ida Know
- Ovuhnine Thousand
- Knight time
[edit] Step 4: ANSWER ME AGAIN, DAMNIT!
The second person, being an annoying, privacy infiltrating jerk, must now ask for the last name of the first person. I mean, what the hell? What's the point in doing that anyway? It's like, y'know, asking what Hitler's firs name is. Jeez. Don't you already know enough?
[edit] Step 5: punchline time!
The first person responds with some sort of crazy, fictional last name to accompany his first one.
[edit] Step 6: AHAHAHAHAHA!
AHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAH! HA! Hoo...
Well, kids, now you know how to make a knock knock joke. And knowing is half the battle.
[edit] Best knock knock jokes
“In Soviet Russia, joke knock knocks YOU!”
~ Russian Reversal on knock knock jokes
Over the many years after the first knock knock joke was told, a great and vast collection of these humorous gems has been made. The jokes vary from subtle puns to outrageous political commentaries on the state of things in the world nowadays. Ah, such a riotous time you will have reading these hilarious jokes, each hand picked by the same Columbians who'd usually pick coffee or fruit or something in South America! Now THAT'S a sign of quality. Yes, these jokes will be sure to have you repeating them over and over again to your friends, who might get so jealous of your vast intellect of great knock knock jokes that they might shoot themselves out of jealousy! Wouldn't you just love to harness the incredible power of these great jokes, said by the likes of Oscar Wilde, Ron Stewart, God, Jesus (not to mention Black Jesus), Buddha, Anonymous, and Cthulhu? Well, go right ahead! Below, this fine collection of the greatest and funniest knock knock jokes ever is only an annoying, long, and rambling paragraph away! Ah, but did you hear about Joe? I heard that he... ah, what the hell. I won't stall you any longer.
ENJOY. HMF.
THERE. HAPPY? Huh? There AREN'T any great knock knock jokes. What was I thinking? Supporting this... this TRASH as an article?
This whole article was a lie. My life was a lie. Oh God. WHY?!?!
“AHAHAHAHAHA!”
~ Oscar Wilde on knock knock jokes
