Known universe

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

[edit] The Known Universe

1. Everything that we, as a species, care to know, want to know, but especially don't want to know.

2. Stars, planets, kitchen utensils, finger paints, space, inner space, invaded space, and Space Invaders.

3. The greatest lie ever told.

4. Not to be confused with the 'Unknown Universe'

[edit] Origin

The Known Universe was borne out of a giant fireball known as "Dexter". Dexter hated the Known Universe, as it contained everything, including Dexter, and this confused Dexter's dull, pre-existent mind. In a fit of blind fury, Dexter threw the Known Universe out of his apartment, never to be seen again. Dexter that is, not the Known Universe.

[edit] Important Facts

The Known Universe can fit inside a breadbox, albeit a breadbox the size of a universe.

The Known Universe has a counterpart, the Unknown Universe, which exists in all those places where the known universe doesn't dare tread, such as underneath ovens, inside washing machines, and in that spot on your back that you can never reach.

The Known Universe that we live in is actually Known Universe II - the original Known Universe "retired" when his back was broken by the evil Bane. The Known Universe II never got the same critical review as the original due to the fact that it reused the same concept that had worked so well in the original, but on a cruise ship instead of a bus. Also, Keanu Reeves was absent from the lead role.

The Known Universe hates you.

[edit] Timeline

1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 BC: The Known Universe is born. Dexter cries.

999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 BC: Christopher Walken is born.

1812-1816 AD: The Known Universe serves as 12th President of the United States. It is generally agreed to be one of the most uneventful presidential terms in history, with the exception of the Great Astronomical Cataclysm and Wedding Shower of 1813.

1995 AD: The Known Universe connects with itself through use of the Internet.

2005 AD: The Known Universe slits its wrists in front of a webcam. Humanity is unimpressed.

[edit] Government

The Executive Branch

The Padishah Emperor Shaddam IV is the current ruler of the Known Universe. He has to decree any laws before they become effective, but all laws must also be approved by the Landsraad. The Emperor's decisions are vastly affected by his Bene Gesserit advisors, and he constantly schemes to limit the power of the Landsraad.

The Legislative Branch

Laws are voted on by the Landsraad, but are decreed by the Padishah Emperor. The Landsraad consists of the emissaries from both Major and Minor Noble Houses, as well as the representatives from the Spacing Guild and Bene Gesserit, although the distribution of votes is proportional to the military might of the member.

The Judicial Branch

Each Noble House has an independent judicial organization, ranging from an independent branch with a set codex of laws, to an autocratic rule-by-decree where the local Duke or Baron decides on each case individually. All inter-House conflicts are resolved within the laws of the Landsraad.

The Second Foundation

Located "at Star's End", this mysterious body was established by Hari Seldon to aid the First Foundation at the end of the Seldon Plan.