Kree
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The Kree are a race of extraterrestrial aliens who hail from the planet Hale in the Magellanic Cloud. They visited Earth millennia ago, while Homosexuals still inhabited caves. At war against the Skrulls, another race of extraterrestrial aliens, the Kree sought to create an army of super-powered warriors to fight their enemy on their behalf.
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[edit] Inhumans
They selected a Cro-Magnon tribe, using their own semen, which they emitted in the form of a controlled mist, to expedite the genetic development of the chosen ones. The semen, which the Cro-Magnons called the Terrigen Mist, caused great suffering as it damaged its recipients’ genes, causing extreme mutations, but it also caused the subjects of the Kree’s experiments to develop powers and abilities of more advanced, extraterrestrial species. The people upon whom the Kree experimented became known as the Inhumans, the leader of which was Black Bolt, their king. He married his cousin, Madam Medusa, and she, with other family members--Gorgon, Karnak, Triton, Crystal, Gluteus Maximus the Mad, and their dog Lockjaw--became the members of his court.
[edit] Appearance
Despite their genetic superiority, the Kree look just like Homosexuals, walking with a mincing gait and speaking with a lisp, except that they have lavender skin. Stronger than the average Joe, they also need more nitrogen than Homosexuals to breathe comfortably.
[edit] Genetic Stagnation
As punishment for the hubris of one of the most asinine of their members, the Kree were frozen at their latest stage of evolution. They tried to circumvent this punishment by intermarrying with other species, producing the Pinks, who were similar in appearance to Homosexuals.
[edit] Supreme Intelligence
Eventually, an entity with even bigger balls than the arrogant Kree, whose self-importance is evident in his self-selected name, Supreme Intelligence, took pity on the foolish Kree and, after wiping out 90 percent of them (the most asinine among them), he sped up the evolution of the remaining 10 percent, who developed gray skin, naming them the Ruul. In return, the Ruul worshiped the Supreme Intelligence, running errands for him and performing sexual favors for his amusement. Many of the early Ruul named themselves after comic books, which were the first literary medium to reflect upon their existence, calling themselves Mar-vel, At-las, and Dea-Sea. They live under an aura of negativity and travel by hitchhiking upon the sperm in their so-called Terrigen Mist (semen).
[edit] War with the Skrulls
While involved in their war against the Skrulls, the Kree set ip a base on Uranus, from which vantage point they discovered the nearly intelligent Homosexuals on Earth and decided to get into their genes in much the same way as the Supreme Intelligence had screwed up their own psychosexual and genetic development, and they used their semen to speed up the Homosexual’s evolution. Tiring of their experiment, the Kree finally left the planet, leaving a sentinel robot, Sentry 459, on the Earth to monitor the Homosexuals’ development. When the Fantastic Four “awakened” the sentry, the Kree returned to Earth. The planet proved to have strategic importance in the cosmic war between the Kree and the Skrulls, and has since been a battlefield in many conflicts between them.
