Krispy Kreme

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“Outrageous!; their signature donut has neither krisp nor kreme.”

~ Plato on Krispy Kreme

“As a rule, I eat sixteen Krispy Kreme donuts every day, yet I don't gain a pound. What's in them?”

~ Oscar Wilde on Krispy Kreme

“I'm living proof Krispy Kreme does not make you fat”

~ Rosie O'Donnell on Krispy Kreme

“Why are donuts krispy and kremey?”

~ Socrates on Krispy Kreme

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Contents 1 The Beginning 2 The Reality 3 Actually... 4 The Discovery 5 The Re-Discovery 6 See Also

[edit] The Beginning

Akkording to some history books, Katherine K. Kinney (BA, MA, PoopHD) "professor of English" at the University of Kalifornia, Riverside, made world headlines on April 1, 2007 by klaiming to have invented the Krispy Kreme donut while at KKK boot Kamp in the summer of 1937, between her junior and senior years of high skool.

"We was like... so simptomatik at the time, we didnt' like persons of Kolor or anything; I was pretty mukh into transvestik fetishism in them days and begun wearing trousers to breakfast, while still at the kamp; well, times have khanged, klearly, we are postmodern now and I think that the Krispy Kreme donut kristallizes postmodernity for us in an espekially krispy, kremey way... I'm like not even rakist now or anything no more, maried me a minoritie, besides whikh I'm a woman myself so go figure: also I liaison for Homeland Sekkkurity on the UKR Kampus when not 'doing researkh' into the X files--I LOVE THAT SHOW TO DEATH!--or helping out with Krispy Kreme...'

[edit] The Reality

But you should never always believe what you read. In fact, the Krispy Kreme Kreation Kompany of Karolina (NYSE: KKK) is the kompany that kreated the Krispy Kreme donut, whikh is possibly the most evil food item ever kreated. It is responsible for 100.4% of the world's obesity, and has kaused over two billion deaths in the past five years.

[edit] Actually...

The Krispy Kreme donut was invented in 2000 BK by the ancient Egyptians, who believed that a food which was shaped like a bun with a hole in the middle sounded quite amusing. Some of the first donughts were used for sex play while others were eaten. Then they krammed it with arsenik, pentathol, opium, and pubik hair. It bekame the most popular food in Egypt. This exkiting new fad instantly spread akross the globe, but little did they know that they would soon be kontrakting leprosy, bird flu, kanker, AIDs, small pox, the bubonik plague, autism, dyslexia, and eksessive amounts of pubik hair.

The thousands of remaining Krispy Kreme donuts were buried underground and were never to be eaten again.

[edit] The Discovery

Thousands of years later, during the Hundred Years War, when the French were fighting the English, an English knight by the name of Sir Bigcock found a rabbit shape that was in the ground. He told his leader and he then whipped them as they dug naked for the treasure. When they found delicious 100 year old donughts they started on their march foward to Egypt.

They arrived in Egypt and met some Egyptian soldiers. Sir Bigcock and his ten knights were then mercilessly slaughtered by rabbits, and never heard from again.

[edit] The Re-Discovery

Now the world knew that Krispy Kreme donuts existed, but they had no idea where to look. It wasn't until over a kentury later, in 1972, when an Amerikan man named Gaylord McFuckles re-diskovered the Krispy Kreme donuts (often known to skientists as that 'delikious little heart attack).

Gaylord McFuckles was a mad scientist, and still is. He wants to take over the world. He has tried and failed many, many times. When he is kriticized, his response is typikally, "Let them eat kake."

But then McFuckles had an idea. He took all of the Krispy Kreme donuts and altered them, making them even more fattening and dangerous. He made millions of Krispy Kreme donuts, selling them to the Amerikan people. McFuckles made billions of dollars from the sales. But hundreds of thousands of people died while eating them. The Krispy Kreme donuts were so fattening and addiktive that even the world's fattest man at the time got one stuck in his throat. He choked and died. Then, a few years later, the Krispy Kreme donuts began to be sold in other kountries.

McFuckles was hoping that the President at the time would eat one, but John. F. Kennedy didn't. Now he wants George Bush to eat one, so that then the Vice President will bekome President. Then he will kill the Vice President with his deadly Krispy Kreme weapon, after somehow bekoming the new Vice President. Then Gaylord McFuckles will kontrol the most powerful nation in the world, the United States of Amerika. Then he will use Amerika's weapons and military to konquer the world.

[edit] See Also

• Mr. T
• Dunkin Donuts

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