Large Hadron Collider

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This article was created by a politician, so should be ignored by the living.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about LHC.

LHC (shorthand for Lector Hannibal Collider) is an WMD scheduled to begin the operation in May 2008. Once turned on it will begin destroying the Earth and possibly entire Universe in a wide variety of ways. It should have begun operation in 1998. but United States funds to the project were cut down because it is a WMD, and they don't like WMDs unless they own them.

The LHC was supposed to have formed a circle of 4.3km in radius which passes through France and Switzerland. After much squabbling the Swiss and the French agreed for cost reasons to build the collider in the form of a cow bell. The sudden turns and angles of the finished "cow bell" form have necessitated the lubrication of all said angles with vast amounts of petrolium jelly....so the protons traveling at the speed of light can safely make their turns, lubricated by this lovely by-product to our gas-guzzling, carbon-emiting, capitalist little corner of the Universe.

[edit] Actually...

The Large Hadron Collider is a Norman mythical creature that lives underneath Geneva in Switzerland.

Pictured is the Large Hadron Collider's last visit to the surface of Earth in the year 823BC.

Unlike most Mythical creatures The Large Hadron Collider has BOTH pants on and a story behind it. The Large Hadron Collider was born in May 2008 as a physics expiriment ( physicisicicsisiscists were trying to find some elementary particles that they claimed "hadn't fallen into an elephant this time"), but when he was turned on ( see sexuality article ) shouted "see ya later suckers!" and travelled back in time by 4000 years ( to 1992 BC).

The Large Hadron Collider has since accomplished many feats including (but not limited to):

He Joined the band DragonForce and the young age of -3956
He invaded five countries (Burundi, Jesusland, Poland, Poland II and Graham)
He managed to make everyone believe that Popef is spelt without the silent f
He sold ebay on ebay
He wrote the script for "World War One: The Phantom Menace"
He watched the original Television series of "The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy" all the way through over 32 times (non-stop)
He invented stuff ( The fastest selling invention ever (apart from 'the Oxygen atom'))
He wrote The Guinness World Book Of World Records

You get the idea...

[edit] Doomsday scenarios

At least it will look nice...

There are many ways of destruction that LHC will be able to offer once it is complete:

Black holes - which will eat almost everything on the planet. Anything else will be eaten by the Grue
Strangelets - those are some strange particles of gay behavior. They also have the power to make other particles gay just by touching them so eventually, all the particles will become gay and stick together so closely that they will allow no room for life as we know it.
Magnetic monopoles - those are similar to magnets, just that they are incomplete, so they'll just go wild and screw everything else.
Division by zero - energies at LHC will be so high that they will allow forbidden calculations.
Chuck Norris clones - no need to explain this one.
Kitten-antikitten pair production - lots of it. It will look like tribbles in Star Trek.
Bovine Botulism Ebola Supervirus There has been substantive proof that the high energy collisions generated within the collider will react with the planes at Geneva International Airport, which could in turn, land in sub-saharan Africa, where diseases could be brought aboard....and, to make a long story short, combined with solar radiation, the pacific plastic vortex and genital warts....A SUPERVIRUS will be created and ALL WILL PERISH!!!