L. Ron Hubbard

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L Ron contemplating the true nature of existence with his superior wisdom

“Welcome to Rivendel... Mr.Anderson”

~ Elrond Hubbard on Neo

“Isn't he that fucker from LOTR?”

~ Chuck Norris on Elrond Hubbard

“Here comes Elrond. Everyone pretend you don't see him.”

~ The human race on Elrond Hubbard

“LOL”

~ God

“I killed him.”

~ Sir Charles M. Talleyrand on L. Ron Hubbard

“He was the smartest man to ever live (other than me).”

~ Tom Cruise on L. Ron Hubbard

“I can't believe they actually bought that crock of shit!”

~ L. Ron Hubbard on Scientology

Elrond Hubbard (born April 1st, 1983 in Sector V-SG, Metchusua Blargia Universe (UTC)), probably the biggest nutter of all time, is an American crackpot and popular folk Elvish Impersonator. He is currently the strongest and most sought after end game boss in the MMORPG World of Warcraft

Elrond should not be confused with Elrob Hubbard, the inventor of the best-selling donut vending machine Commodore 64.

[edit] Early Life and College Career

He was mentally unstable before he was conceived,by Bigfoot and the Lochness monster.

Elrond was born attached at the stomach to his stillborn twin brother Yoda. Due to lack of medical research in the First Age, Elven medical technicians were forced to embalm the corpse of Yoda rather than surgically removing it, which meant that Elrond was forced to live the rest of his life with a dead baby physically attached to his torso and boy did he feel the force.

Hubbard's early childhood involved being sold to a freak show by his parents and being continually gang raped by Lord Vader and his merry band of Stormtroopers. This left him in such good shape mentally and physically that he was able to fully insert R2-d2 into his anus in an early porn film which paid for him being shipped to the good old USA.

Hubbard was shipped to the United States to begin his college football career at USC. His freshmen year was spent learning the game of football and excessively partying. Many of his schoolmates would say that he would tackle his social life equally as ferociously as he would on game day.

After USC finished the season modestly, Elrond Hubbard decided it was time to leave Middle-earth and get in touch with his roots. On the ship from the Grey Havens he began writing his first folk ballads, which formed the basis of Scientology. He released two CDs, Rohan's Delight and Elrohir's Lonely Hearts Club Band to moderate success, and plans to release more in the future. After a lot of soul-searching, he found a moderately-priced lightly used soul at a local thrift shop and was able to talk the seller down into his own modest price range.

Upon finishing school, Elron met budding British Occultist Alister Crowley. Ironically, they formed a Led Zeppelin cover band but eventually dissolved it due to creative differences and lack of heroin for Crowley. Later, they hatched evil schemes together and opened up their own frozen yogurt stand/law office. After much failure, they both went their separate ways but still corresponded via carrier pigeon until Crowely's death from chocking on vomit (authorities could never prove whose it was).

Sometime in the mid 80's, Elrond was transformed into a being of pure light, much like Steven Speilberg. He is currently residing on the forth ring of Saturn, awaiting a time when all will be one and his timeshare will be open for him to reside in. Has been romantically linked to Queen Nefratiti of Ancient Egypt and Sarah Jessica Parker

[edit] NFL

In early 1976, the Council of L. Ron was convened in Branson, Missouri, the purpose of which was to decide on a course of action in regards to the One Ring as well as to settle on a first round draft pick for the Ohio State Buckeyes. Possible courses of action included:

walking into Mordor
rocking into Mordor
using the fucking eagles, shitheads
dressing up as hookers and using their disguises to gain access to Mordor
midgets
paying Mexicans to do it
Doing it later, after we eat...

L. Ron Hubbard during his days with the JLA

[edit] Where is El Rond now?

El Rond runs a small taqueria on the New Mexico border which serves as a front for an underground drug-smuggling ring. He also helps illegal American immigrants run the gauntlet into Cancun to get totally wasted, man.

"The Life and Times of Elron Hubbard", a Hollywood biopic based on the great man's life, is currently in production, with Tom Cruise in the title role and Sasha Baron Cohen playing Jesus. The film is scheduled for release in 2009, but a pirate version is already available on the streets of Shanghai.

It has been reported that he has been masturbating to, and obviously, fallen in love with Goatse.

Reportedly owns some beach front property on a Venusian sea since he has transformed himself into pure energy (much like George Lucas). Is also a known collector of tiki torches autographed by convicted pedophiles.

[edit] References

[edit] See Also

	This article forms part of the series on Scientology
	Beliefs	Space Opera ~ Xenu ~ Dianetics ~ Thetans ~ The Sacred Movements of Goa Tse
	Concepts	AT Field ~ Objectivism ~ The Force ~ Clear ~ Hodgepodge (the hidden truth)
	Practices	Kitten Huffing ~ ITASTWD
	People	Tom Cruise ~ Katie Holmes ~ Lestat de Lioncourt ~ John Travolta ~ Beck ~ Superman ~ Chef ~ Will Smith
	Enemies	You ~ Me ~ Oprah ~ South Park ~ YTMND ~ 4chan ~ The Holiday Hawk ~ Walken! ~ Rick Astley