Laser feet

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This article is complete, irredeemable potato masher. The submitter is Bat Fuck Insane, and swallows at the rectum. If you attempt to obliterate this, you will most fortissimo obliterate Bat Fuck Insane yourself. Or the submitter will excruciate your bollocks!!!!!!

Those obsessed with so-called-experts should thank their lucky stars that Wikipedia does not have an article about Laser feet.

And he used Laser feet
To jump over the death mushroom
He was saved
The feet were not

--Ode to Laser feet, from The Stagihatara

Laser feet.

Laser feet, laser feet.

Laser feet.

Laser feet, oh!

Ah, laser feet of my dreams, how many hours have I spent staring longingly into your blackened, smoking nails, wishing and hoping for the thing that can never be?

How many times have I cursed myself for not saying something, anything, before it was too late? Some small gesture: a kiss, a massage, a polish, a buff, a new lens or focal ruby?

Laser feet of my own feets' desire, eeeeeee!

Are you real, laser feet? Are you only a hologram generated by the bright laser beneath your possibly illusory cuticles?

Does it really matter? What is reality in the face of obsession, of love?

No, obsession was a better word.

Is it you that I truly care about, oh my feet of laser-sharp luminosity? Or is it the power you could bring me: the wealth, the fame, the highly effective kicking maneuvers, the younger, more nubile, shapelier feet as groupies?

Ah, but what use is conscience or introspection when you have feet with frickin' lasers on them?

From what Elysian realm do you hail, O laser feet of Papal austerity? Was it a mad scientist who birthed you? Some demiurgal podiatrist with great skill in optics? Was it the feet of the Olympian gods themselves that graced the worlds with your shining presence?

Laser feet! How your vivid beams shine like the glowing eye of a malevolent computer before a black monolith floating in space! How you strike down Soviet missiles that enter your admittedly short range of sight! How laser knees kneel before you, and laser elbows bend themselves in athletic poses when you pass by!

Laser feet, I weep when you are not near! I rend my hair! I put out my eyes when you are not performing corneal surgery on them!

Laser feet! Laserfeetlaserfeetlaaaaaseeeerfeeeeeeeeeeet!

I die, laser feet! My life, my very life, is incomplete without laser feet!

Get down! Chikkachikkachikka ow! Laser feet!

Laser feet!

Little known fact Laser feet give you +99 attack and inflict .15 damage per turn to all invisble LSD zombies

Laser feet!

[edit] The sound of Lasers

Sh00p Da Wh00p!

[edit] The sound of feet

pitta patta pitta patta

[edit] The sound of a Laser fight

NEEOW! PLBOWWOWOOWWO! zZZZzzEWWWOWOOO!!! BZZZLZLZLT!!! WWAAAANNNNG!!!

[edit] The sound of music

The hills are alive with

[edit] The sound of laser feet

UKHEUWGKJWEEEEbbongWEEeeEEEEeeePoPBoInG!!!ZEEENGWEEEE!!!

[edit] The sound of LAZER FEEHT v2.01

KLJSHFJDSHGFHDNMHFDGFCUSGFUGDFJDGFJDJUGJKDRKJHGKD!!!!!!!111111111

[edit] T3|-| $0|_||\||) 0|= |_/-\53r P|-|33T

|\|33333330000\/\/!!1!1B0|\|g!!!

==$33 \X/|-|@+ `/0|_||2 |\/|0|\/| |00|<$ |1|<3==y6376768767631337

[edit] AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

AAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA.AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA