Lead Zeppelin

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search

The Lead Zeppelin attacked Paris on June 3, 1940.

Contents

[edit] Die Geschichte

The first person to create the lead zeppelin was Robert Ledlin. He was a US terrorist, and had a master's degree for terrorism from Harvard University. Even though many other people have used the lead zeppelin(Hitler, Jimmy Page, etc.), Ledlin was held responsible for the creation of one of the world's most deadly weapons.

The lead zeppelin was a large blimp-like weapon. It consisted of a pool, a dining area, and a kitchen. Its plan of attack was to be dropped from the sky(obviously) and once it had contact with the ground would explode. It was the design of the lead zeppelin that imspired the atom bomb. Once it struck it would also release a deadly element that is known today as lead. That's where lead zeppelin got its name.

[edit] Der Plan

In early 1939, Adolf Hitler expressed a need for heavy strategic bombers to work in tandem with more traditional Ju87 "Stuka" dive-bombers. Various aircraft designs were submitted by the Arado, Dornier, Heinkel, and Henschel aeroworks. Before any designs could be approved, the invasion of Poland commenced and all development funding was transferred to pre-existing war industries.

Plans for the invasion of Benelux and France were initiated by November. It was quickly determined that major cities such as Rotterdam and Paris could not be taken without great cost. Artillery would be too slow to move, and Stuka bombers would not be able to effectively level the stone building garrisons of urban Europe.

The Luftwaffe approved for the recommission of zeppelins which had been grounded since the Hindenburg Incident of 1937. Precautions were made to prevent another horrific, fiery crash. The zepplin shells were encased in an ultra-light lead isotope, and bomb bays capable of holding 2000kg were added. By March 1940, the conversion of three zeppelins was completed.

[edit] Die Reise

All of the zeppelins proceeded from their factories in Bohemia to Munich on the night of April 15. LZ-1 crashed whilst landing, resulting in the death of three Gestapo officers. The wreckage was cleaned by dawn and all witnesses shot so the project could continue to be of the upmost secrecy.

LZ-3 was redirected the next day to Berlin for a personal view by Adolf Hitler, and LZ-2 continued to Cologne a month later in preparation for its maiden voyage into Paris, France.

[edit] Der Angriff

On June 2, as the battle for northern France raged, Luftwaffe command ordered various arial assaults on the capital. LZ-2 left the following day for a daylight raid. The objective was to obliterate the center of French culture, Les Champs Élysées, in order to lower national morale.

The Lead Zeppelin entered the Parisian city limits without any resistance. Local residents followed it with old guns and farm equipment, hoping to kill paratroopers (as they were used extensively by the Germans, and thus an assumed threat). At exactly 12:26PM, a small payload was dropped a kilometer from the Arc-de-Triomphe, slaughtering twelve little girls in two straight lines.

[edit] Der Untergang

A small contingent of French AA gunners opened fire upon the craft as it began to turn. It abruptly lost altitude and careened toward the ground. A hole the size of small truck appeared and grew dramatically. Melting lead and flak fragements fell onto the city of Paris, killing several fleeing pedestrians. The main mass of LZ-2 smashed into a local administrative building, and quickly melted in the daily heat.

Within thirty minutes, four square kilometers of central Paris were covered in a sheen of carcinogenic lead. The area was quarentened by the French government, and much was cleaned up by nightfall. The remaining pollutants solidified during the night, making a beautiful cityscape reminiscent of the city of Oz. Cleaning efforts continued for several days until the federal government was evacuated as German ground troops approached the city limits.

Personal tools
projects