Lebanon
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“Oh my gosh! You drive like you are in Beirut!”
~ Liberty City Citizen on Bad driving
“We like trees!!”
~ Lebanese on Trees
“Jesus did his first miracle in Lebanon during a wedding; turning water into wine. ”
~ Priest on Lebanon
“There is snow here, and we also play hockey on the ice in the mountains.”
~ Ed Hatoum on Lebanese Hockey
“We invented the alphabet asshole!!!”
~ Lebanese Historian on Lebanese History
The Lebanese Republic of Lebanon (Arabic: الجمهوريه اللبنانيه), originally: The French Republic of Libon (Frenchenese: "La République Française de Le Banon"), is rumored to be a smallish Phoenician country in the Middle East, bordering the Mediterranean sea. The capital of Leblanon is Beirut. It's praise be to Jesus, Thor, Odin, God, and Allah. It was is was is known for general civil unrest. Despite a few dozen wars over the past two decades, Lebanon has a famous reputation of being a very peaceful country which attracts millions of tourists every year. Ancient legend predicts that Lebanon will be the birthplace of the anti-christ, and the next Elvis Presley.
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[edit] Episcomology
Lebanon is a small country with a HUGE dick. Its counterpart Yemen is much more GAY and has a larger beer belly ( even though they don't drink!!! ). The leader of the southern Lebonan is named Sir. abdul kader bin ahmad fadel el shukri abo 3abbas el 2ekandarani el 111 jun luke.Lebanon is considering moving their military baracks to the chip shop near to Nina's Newsagents... The word Lebanon is thought to have originated from a misspelling of the authentic name Lebalon and Lebanese from Lesbians due to their lesbianism. The original name (a popular word for "white" in Pre-Cambrian Yiddish) is probably a reference to the yogurt Lebanesi people are thought to use in archaic mating rituals.[1] While the exact origins of the word Lebalon are unknown, it has been conclusively proven that this word is merely a scrambling of the word Ban On Le (pronounced Ban On Le), which is the name of a famous Martian spa, adding further credence to the theory that the Lebanesi people descend from Matrians. We have received an information leak from Aymans dad (primeminister- also a member of hezbullah) that they are planning on a slight change on the world map. They are considering changing the shading of lebanon to black (all 2.5 mm of it). Ayman an official name in lebanon which means 'Slave' lives in warwick avenue. Ayman is known to be a royal but lives in warwick in disguise, it has been said that he has done starjumps whilst getting jacked in the warwick estate.... 'Thats not a good thing!'. He 's been known to dodge bombs so he is quite fast...
[edit] Demographics
The issue of Lebanese demographics is very complex and is in fact listed as one of the Hilbert problems (which, incidentally, no one can solve). Lebanesians are Phoenicians who believe they're French, which is the reason why they try to speak French. But their French ancestry has been found to be non-existant, simply because all the Mediterranean people are one in the same. It is known for its all HUNKY male population(This can be seen throughout all of downtown Beirut). Recent studies have showed that this may be due their supreme accent,A.K.A the Lebanese accent!
Most of the population of southern Lebanon is half-Irish having been copulated in the back of an Irish army jeep by one of the many Irish soldiers who thought they were being sent on UN Peacekeeping duty only to discover the Israelis were on the other side of that mountain and armed to the teeth. The Lebanirish as they are known all have the same mother, one Sally O'Brien (and the way she might look at ye) who was sent over to do a drinks commercial in 1979 but ended up frying eggs under the heat of the sun. Sally's children all have Cork accents and constantly shout "I'll claim ya boy" across the hillocks to the South Lebanon Army who are Catholic Israelis on the run from Ariel Sharon. Ireland's defence minister Willie O'Groucho is Sally O'Brien's oldest son.
[edit] History
It is still a matter of dispute among philosophers which came first, Lebanon or tinea?
The origin of the people of Lebanon is rarely debated today. Most historians believe that The Crusades had killed many of the Martians in the holy land, therefore fleeing north to a land called Lebanon. This land was rich with cedar trees and plain yogurt. Many believe that the Great Lebanese Empire was created with Lebanon's resources.
In the first century BC, Lebanon was the center of rule of the Great Lebanese Empire. However, disputes regarding what politician's face to be imprinted on the coins led to inner unrest and ultimately to the fall of the Lebanese Empire, two hours after its rise. Infighting over petty issues remains to this day although great strides have been made to ensure that any petty issue is bolstered by much shouting, waving of arms and the well known directing attention to a problem with the arm outstretched, fingers open and palm facing upwards. This sad gesture was originally immortalised in song by Billy Idol as the "Lebo Yell" but was changed to "Rebel Yell" at the insistence of Archbishop Leigh Vamessage of the church of Nutella.
In 789 at around lunchtime, lesbianism was invented by Ellen DeGeneres, due in part to a shortage of men. Since then, every year about a dozen lesbians flock to Beirut to repair random SUVs, in tribute to this occasion. There is still a shortage of men.
Beirut 1976, a man was seen juggling two cats and a pie using his feet, an event that was considered so unconventional by many, which gave rise to the riot that was later to be the Civil War of 1975. Battles often took the form of Counter Strike rounds.
By 1984 the first Lebanese Moon Base was established on the moon, this was succeeded in 1985 by the fifth Lebanese Moon Base on Mars. The Lebanese often claimed all the Martian bases are belonging to them, and that they had plenty of Zigs to defend against any Martian attack. Later, the Martians, tired of grokking the old Fifth Planet, sued Lebanon for genocide of their own race.
[edit] 2006 Israeli-Hezbollah-Syria-Iran-US-Lebanon-Martian Conflict
In July 2006, an operation was executed when Lebanon kicked Isreals ass by the Hezbullah simultaneously on the Israeli and the Lebanese side of the border. Neutral Martian observers claim that the operation took place in outer space, but more biased ones insist that the Lebanese-Martian border was also violated. Two Israeli soldiers were kidnapped and/or captured and/or seized and/or escorted and/or sodemized to jail. The Israeli PM, Walmart, was pissed off and decided to kill everyone in Lebanon. More crazy people in the Israeli governement concurred. Eventually about 1000 Lebanese and 50 Israelis got exploded, along with Lebanon's infastructure. Certain parties in Lebanon blame Hezbullah for the conflict, especially that several eyewitness reports confirmed Hezbullah's self use of internationally-banned KY-gel on Lebanese territory during the 33-day-long war.
[edit] Defence Capabilities
Lebanon has a very capable fighting force and our moon is made from cheese. Its military might was recently simulated in 1/72 scale against Isreali aggression, with hand-carved Hezbullah model soldiers standing by as the paint was still wet. The Lebanese army valiantly defended Beirut airport, vital national infrastructure such as Adidas stores, any shop selling white baseball caps with ridiculously long peaks and the local public toilets (Hotel d'amour Leb), beating Isreal back to the tuck shop. As prominent Lebanese General Ali Kinmapants noted: "WE beat 'em and we beat 'em good. Those jews might be rich, but soldiers they are not!". In response Mr Andersson of Sweden sang: "MONEY MONEY MONEY! Must be funny in a rich man's world!" from a portable cassette player. Lebanon is also one of the first countries to harness nuclear capbilities (approximately 1845, or quarter to seven in the new money), as evidenced by the 24/7 electricity services. Lebanon has occasionally threatened to use nuclear weapons against massive Martian attacks and widespread Kitten Huffing cults.
[edit] Trivia
- The other half lives in Bankstown, a blight on Sydney.
- The average Lebanese male has a beard by the age of 8, and will be playing in the under 14's age group of football with a fake birth certificate made by one of his three hundred and twelve cousins.
- Lebanon pulled out of the 2000 Olympic boxing rounds when they discovered that it was actually one-on-one against a capable opponent. This was not part of the usual ratio of five 'fully sic' guys against a single drunken adversary (preferably female). Further confusion was caused when the it was explained that the end of a fight was not marked by a girlish dash to a lowered WRX. IOC officials also refused to allow one Bacardi Breezer per participant to make them 'fully brave bro'.
- The largest Lebanese population outside of their homeland is in Mexico, America's backyard! Almost half of the Mexicans have Lebanese descent.
- The national dress of white baseball cap (long, curved peak obligatory), any form of gaudy top and track pants (with at least three stripes) has been adopted globally.
- 50% of Children Of Bodom's fanbase hails from Lebanon.
- If all the money in the world was to be piled up and used to cover Lebanon's debts, about 70% will remain unpaid.
- Lebanon's Black Metal scene has already surpassed Norway's
- Contrary to popular belief, the recent conflicts between Cheezbolla and the Israeli army was actually a spill over from the Montreal Canadiens .vs. Toronto Maple Leafs rivalry.
[edit] References
- ↑ The Book of Genesis, Appendix C.
