Lee Hsien Loong
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“I'm your father!â€
~ Darth Vader on Lee Hsien Loong Mai Hum
“No, I'm your father!â€
~ Robo-Lee on the above comment after killing Darth Vader
“Look, I asked for mee siam, but I did not asked for hum!â€
~ Some customers on Lee Hsien Loong Mai Hum
“Hum? Did you mean ham? But what's mee siam mai hum?â€
~ Americans on Lee Hsien Loong Mai Hum
“Take this piece of hum, and your sins will be forgiven by Great Leeâ€
~ Holy Goh on Lee Hsien Loong Mai Hum
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| Order: | Prime Minister | |
| Vice President: | Bonzi Buddy | |
| Term of office: | 2005 – ??? | |
| Preceded by: | Lee Kwan Yew | |
| Succeeded by: | ??? | |
| Date of birth: | 10 February, 1952 | |
| Place of birth: | Singapore | |
| First Lady: | n/a | |
| Political party: | PAP (People's Authoritarian Party) | |
Lee Hsien Loong Mai Hum is the current leader of the city-state of Singapore. Coincidentally, Lee Hsien Loong is the only "son" of His Holiness Lee Kwan Yew, the founder of the island nation and self-proclaimed Grandmaster Infallible Overlord of Southeast Asia. He has been in office since August, 2004, and Singapore's legitimacy as an independent state has been in question ever since.
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[edit] Early Life
Having successfully conquered and subdued the pathetic people of Singapore, Immortal Cyborg Lee Kwan Yew sought to pursue more inward goals - that is, becoming a family man. However, due to his unique philosophy regarding the "purity" of races, Lee was unable select a mate from amongst the hundreds of females that were offered to him as a bride. Undeterred by his lack of success, Lee Kwan Yew chose a different approach - to fashion a cybernetic imitation of personhood and imbue it with a portion of his own artificial intelligence. Thus, on 14 August, 1952, codename Robo Lee v2.0 was unveiled to the general public. On 22 August of the same year, the artificial intelligence was christened Lee Hsien Loong, meaning "boring dragon" in Mandarin Chinese.
Several flaws in the new Lee's A.I. went largely undetected until he enrolled in Harvard University and chose to major in film studies. In fact, this flaw was only discovered after Lee Kwan Yew sent his representative, Philip "Mr. Invincible" Yeo, to his graduation. This problem was quickly rectified when Lee Hsien Loong was enrolled in "Machiavelli for Dummies", a 72-hour crash course in political and economic thought offered by the National University of Singapore.
[edit] Politics
[edit] Early Political Career
The younger Lee's early political career was plagued by a myriad of problems and setbacks. Lee Hsien Loong's first assignment was to attempt to overthrow the sultanate of Johor Bahru, Malaysia, which was slated to be Singapore's first attempt at international colonisation. Although the plan to assassinate the sultan and take over the city by force with the use of advanced war droids was rehearsed with military accuracy, Lee Hsien Loong disrupted the entire plan by stopping at a pet store en route to Malaysia and playing with all the bunnies there.
Sorely disappointed, Lee Kwan Yew sent his creation to Cambodia in 1971 for the purposes of establishing an embassy with the fellow Southeast Asian neighbour. This, too, was thwarted when Lee Hsien Loong demanded a bowl of rocky road ice cream 3 miles out of Phnom Penh and refused to move any further until his request was satisfied.
[edit] Prime Minister of Singapore
Lee Kwan Yew disregarded his son completely after a string of failures and left him to play with his Tinker Toys for many years. In 2002, however, it was becoming apparent that Lee Kwan Yew's internal batteries were running at dangerously low levels, and it became imperitative that the seat of prime minister be handed on soon. Rejecting outright any suggestion of a democratic election, Lee's advisors grew anxious as no contingency plan was in place. In June 2003, Lee Kwan Yew finally relented to giving into his greatest fear, and he addressed the nation:
- "My first duty is to the country. Of that, I cannot deny. But I have practical limitations. Since I have no sea urchins handy, I have no choice but to hand over the seat of prime minister to Lee Hsien Loong. May God have mercy on me for handing over the country to my stupid, stupid, bag-of-bolts of a son. But first, martinis."
- Lee Kwan Yew, excerpt from his address to the nation, June, 2003
In August 2004, the leadership was "peacefully handed on" to Lee Hsien Loong, who celebrated by opening the Twinkie packet he was saving for the season finale of Will and Grace.
[edit] Controversy
Lee Hsien Loong's pegging of the Singapore dollar to moon rocks was widely unpopular in its inception, his reason behind this move being that "the moon follows me wherever I go, so it makes sense to peg the currency to it". Since the introduction of this policy, it has been estimated that the cost of living in Singapore has increased by as much as 150%, which has seen a corresponding rise in the number of people selling their organs to hospitals. Lee Hsien Loong became further embroiled in scandal when he began investing a significant percentage of Singapore's assets in the Chef Boyardee company, stating that "their spaghetti hoops are second to none".
It remains to be seen whether or not the son of Lee Kwan Yew will be able to tackle the problems Singapore faces in an ever-changing world, including the threat of terrorism and the recent spike of dinosaurs finding their way into schools.
[edit] Personal Life
Lee Hsien Loong was married to Largefeet the Asian Elephant in 1978 while his father was on a business trip to South Africa. He sired two children - Trunks and Strawberry - before the marriage was annulled in 1982. In the same year, Largefeet died after swallowing a particularly large pine nut, leading to rumours that she was "disposed of" due to Strawberry being born a white elephant. The Ministry of Dispensation of Correct Information responded to these allegations in August, 1982, calling them "baseless" and "the work of a madman, eeny oony wah, eeny oony wah!".
Lee remarried in 1985 to Eliza Spanksalot, and has four children with this second marriage. Spanksalot was the target of controversy when she was appointed as the president of Singapore Leather Holdings.
In his spare time, Lee likes to disconnect from Mario Kart DS and rewatch old episodes of As the World Turns.
[edit] Powers
Lee Hsien Loong has yet to show any signs of having inherited any powers from his Immortal father, making him one of few world leaders today without superpowers. It is even reported that he was forced to have his gonads removed due to cancer caused by overexposure to his father's bio-nuclear excrement. Elder Lee having been reputed to have a habit of not flushing the family toilet.Wahahaah.
Edit (2007): It seems Robo Lee 2.0 has powers of mind control and charisma, being able to attract and achieve rapport with such controversial personalities as Overlord of the World and Jesus's Buddy, Mr George W Bush. The latter has praised the former on a number of occasions for the former's dedication to the War on Terror.
