Left-handed People

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Left-handeders, or lefties, as the radicals refer to themselves, are people who favor their left hand instead of their right hand, like normal people.

[edit] History

Scientists all agree that left-handedness arose when God decided to bless 10% of the human population, just so that the lefties could supposedly come to the aid of what they delusively believed to be the dimwitted right handed majority, who were fighting amongst themselves.

[edit] War Begins

Unfortuately all had not gone as God had intended, as the lefties were hated by the warring right-handed majority. The hatred of the right-handeders meant that the minority of left handers could not take their 'rightful' (or is it leftful?) place as the leaders of the free world so that they could make scissors that they could actually use. Poor, starving, and frustrated, the two groups of humanity waged war on each other until a clever right-handed princess took pity upon a left-handed begger and married him. They later had a child who went by the name of Ambidextrous, who later tried to bring peace to the world.

[edit] Ambidexter Brings Peace

Because Ambidexter was descended from both right and left-handed people, he was ambidextrous. For all of you idiots who don't know, this means that he was basically the Chuck Norris of hand dominance. Amidexter tried to bring the right handed people together with the left and give life to a group of ambidextrous children, unfortunately the right handed people continued to be jealous of the left handed and the left handed continued to believe that they had the right to rule over them leading to more wars.

[edit] Christians were right handed idiots

The right handed population being the majority took the world over eventually by sheer force bringing discrimination to all of the superior left handers. After their supression the right handed decided that they would form a religious cult of Christians, using the creativy of their left handed prisoners who were forced to write a book called the Bible and had to read it to the illiterate right handed.

The right handed popuation attempted to permantly remove lefthandedism from the world by punishing and discriminating against children who showed signs of being left handed, luckily their plan did not work completely and the left handed survived and continue to live amongst the inferior right handed majority.

Today lefties continue to laugh at the foolish right handers, who continue to blindly follow the Bible today, knowing full well that their clever ancestors had written it and that the true God was Harry Potter. The right handed people who read this information will attempt to forget it or fool themselves into disbelief due to their ignorance and blind faith.

[edit] Famous Lefties

Many genius's of superior intelligence and skill were amongst us including Jimi Hendrix, Freddie Mercury, Paul McCartney, Bill Clinton, Albert Einstein,Isaac Newton,David Bowie, Benjamin Franklin,Picasso, Michelangelo Buonarroti, Leonardo daVinci and Pelé. Also lefties are very good at baseball. The term 'southpaw' comes from leftie ball players throwing incredibly difficult curve-balls across the south pole (which is where the real world series takes place - the other one is just for the 'special' righties, so they'll think they're actually good at something).

[edit] Left-handed People Today

Most lefties live among us, almost never being discovered, except for a few telltail characteristics of intelligence at stuff like art, math, and multitasking. Because of their fantastic skills, righties feel threatened and try to fool themselves into believing they are smarter. Don’t worry. According to tests, lefties have a better chance of being of higher intelligence with 4 of the 5 original designers of the Macintosh computer being left-handed and 1 in 4 Apollo astronauts being left-handed - 250% more than the normal level.

[edit] Purist Lefties

Despite the harsh—I mean DIPLOMATIC efforts Ambidexter took to interbreed humanity there is a cult of purist lefties called the Autists. Although persecuting right-handers dissolved the group long ago, a group of them has reformed the group, which is now called Autistic Culture.

There is also the left handed suicide squad of jerrova who will automatically go on a kamikaze spree when they see a group of right handed chavs.

[edit] The WKRHPWM-movement

The WKRHPWM-movement is a left-handed organisation with goals to take over the world. WKRHPWM stands for "We Kill Right-Handed People Without Mercy" WKRHPWM's plan for taking over the world and using right-handed people as slaves include pre-installing "The Scary Maze" (google it) on all Mac's. This is to scare the hell out of right-handed people while the left-handed ones will recognize the maze and be prepared.