Lemon (fruit)
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Invented after a sudden increase in oranges by Edmund Vladimir Lemon, the lemon was created in order to cull the effects of the ever spreading orange era which existed in the 17th century. Many lemons nowadays are pushed hard to extinction after their extradition to the republic of Ireland in the early 18th century. Contrary to popular belief, a lemon is an animal with five legs, the legs being chopped off before they arrive at the supermarket. Also, lemons are known to cause bladder issues...and lung cancer.
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[edit] Quote
“When God gives you lemons, you FIND A NEW GOD!”
“Who the hell throws lemons?!?!”
~ Some guy this afternoon next to a pool in which it later landed
“When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice in life's eyes, take it's wallet, and run.”
“When life gives you lemons make it into lube”
~ YOUR MOM
“Lemon Party!”
~ Andrew Tyrell
[edit] Taste
This fruit happens to be one of the most tasty and healthy fruit ever invented by Elvis Martians. It has the sweet and salty taste of Dime bars. I LOVE LEMONS!
[edit] A lemon's life cycle
A lemon rises from the ground as a tiny little plant that feeds off of small children, universe juice and walnuts, but then goes through many changes before reaching maturity and by accepting the fact it is going to be eaten, is eaten. The hardest time for a prospective lemon plant is puberty, the time when the plant grows up, makes lemons, has them picked, and is chopped down. By 1999, a law was passed that no electrodes may be used in lemon testing causing a large fall in the selling of lemon powered clocks.
Edmund Vladimir Lemon was said to have come across the lemon by mere accident after mating a lime and an orange together. A lot of work was put into incubating more and more lemons for the lemon wars and soon there was a massive amount of carnivorous lemon trees which continued to grow, overtaking the population of limes by eating them. Early in the 1900's lemon trees were employed into the spy faction of the KGB, Secret Service and MI5 and six sections of other intelligence agencies. By painting the lemons orange or green they could be disguised as oranges or limes. Furthermore, the lemon was popularized to civilians by a cunning advertising campaign. The ultimate slogan was 'If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. However, it is a well known fact that Vladimir was a true proponent of 'If life gives you lemons, find a guy with open wounds' However, during his lifetime, life never did give him lemons.
Lemons are also known to be the most deadly weapon when used in a fight. you can blind someone, while also hitting them. and if you are already losing the fight, you can put the lemon on your nose as a disguise, and escape secretly into the darkness.
[edit] Recreational use
Jesus Christ spawned lemons first from his fingertips. Lemon skin contains a hallucinogenic substance lemonine, which is released by squeezing the skin. The effects of lemonine can be felt in seconds by rubbing the squeezed skin against one's underarm(s). Lemonine is named after its discoverer Vladislav Iljitsch Lemonin, who discovered the lemonic effects by an accident - he had run out of antiperspirant and got the idea of using lemon skin instead, for it's fruity fragrance. It is of interest to note, that lemonine destroys the part of the brain responsible of a skill of designing and constructing igloos and the part that is used for eating/ making crepes. It is a really big problem to the esquimaux, amongst whom the misuse of lemonin is nowadays widespread, leading to homelessness. Lemons can also be used as a substitute for chicken when cooking a stew. "Tastes like chicken." One good effect of lemons are the anti-sex pheromones they give out. No one wants sex with a lemon in the room.
[edit] Lemons for the people who can't be bothered to read the above
Lemons are yellow citrus fruits. They can't walk, and a religion is not devoted to Lemons! Though the thought of "Lemonism" is quite appealing...
Work is in progress to develop a hybrid fruit, named the lemon and lime orange.
