User:Isra1337/How not to write
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Leon S. Kennedy is one of the few survivors from the infamous Raccoon City epidemic involving the Gay-virus. Terrorism occured, and bunch of dead muslims humped Leon, and then the city asploded. Leon managed to escape in a space pod assigned by John F. Kennedy.
Over 9000 years later, he somehow finds himself working for the President of the United States, except he has perfect, blonde, high-definition emo hair this time. Before he even gets his first job as a secretary, he has to rescue the President's daughter from angry Mexican villagers, who happen to work in one of the biggest male prostitution rings on earth. Their purpose, it has been speculated, is to savagely murder Leon so they can steal his fake, pixelated bomber jacket to have a giant bloody orgy with his dead body. Anywho, Leon goes and pops some caps in them bitches and finds out that they're led by a pimp named Saddler, who happens to have a giant infected wang which impales people. While missing all of the corpses that he used to have dry sex with, Leon busted many caps. Very, very many caps.
Eventually, Leon met a homosexual Mexican named Luis Sera. They had buttsex in a cabinet. While they were doing some bondage shit, Carlos Mencia tried to castrate them with an axe, but they came out relatively unscathed.
Leon found Ashley tied up in a church, and tried to rape her. After yelling "Don't cum!" Ashely threw a giant dildo at Leon. When realizing he wouldn't get any action, Leon used the otherwise useless Ashley as a battering ram to kill the church and take its pesetas.
So Leon and Ashley went on, blowing the gonads off of recurring fans of Marilyn Manson retarded enough to stand in their way, and then killing the zombie crabs inside of them to make sure they stayed dead. They eventually came upon a castle in the middle of nowhere, where they met a crazy drug dealer with Progeria named Salazar. Salazar had lost his right hand in a drug war, and gotten a prosthetic one. Attempting to distract Leon, he threw it at him. Leon had an epic fight with Salazars right hand, but obviously won. Leon was eventually reunited with the love of his life, Luis, and in a few minutes, Saddler made an appearance to try and look badass. But he failed. Miserably.
"Oh, surely this will yield unto me yonder threesome!" thoughte Leon. But no! Saddler simply had buttsex with Luis, right before his very eyes (except in the torso, but that's a minor detail). "WTF! That's-a mah bitch!" screamed Leon.
"Oh-ho, oui oui! Butte I have-a plenty more love-airs! Ta-ta!" Saddler said in his fluent Antarctican accent. He then wang-paled Luis out of pure spite. He would've killed Leon, too, but System of a Down and Negro Korn stormed the room astride a fantastically-proportioned naked mole rat. Leon took this opportunity to commit suicide with his lover's own bottle of Pepto-Bismol. The legend was no more.
Ashley then said, "Ah, fuck it," and went home.
