Leonidas
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THIS...IS...AN ARTICLE!
| Egh, this article may be Overly Spartan. Persians may not be able to travel to Greece, only die. Or may only be kicked into a pit by Leonidas or slaughtered by Kratos. Don't change a thing to remedy this. |
“THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAAAA!!”
~ Leonidas on redundantly stating the obvious
“Husband, calm down with the Sparta.”
~ Gorgo on telling Leonidas with the Sparta
“He thinks it's Sparta”
~ Captain Obvious on Leonidas thinking it's Sparta
“I AM LEONIDAAAAAAAAAAS!!!”
~ Leonidas on introducting himself
“THIS IS UNCYCLOPEDIAAAAAAAAA!!!”
~ Leonidas on Uncyclopedia
“THIS IS APRIL FOOOOOOOOLZ!!!!”
~ Leonidas on using April Fools' joke on Persians
“MY WIFE PWNZ THERON, THE FUCKING TRAITOR!!!”
~ Leonidas on Gorgo killing Theron
“THIS IS SPARTAAA!!!!”
~ LEONIDAS on Leonidas super smash brothers melee
“In Soviet Russia, hell dines in YOU!!”
~ Russian Reversal on Leonidas at Thermopylae
“THIS IS PERSIAAAAAAAAAA! Oh fuck damn it again THIS IS GREECE! Oh shit not again!!”
~ Leonidas on bad day at the office AAAAAAAAA!.
~ Leonidas on getting owned (or did he?) by the Persian sunblotting arrows
“HE IS KING LEONIDAS!!!”
~ Kratos, the second king of SPARTAAAAAAAAA on Leonidas
“We aren't 'gay,' we just enjoy a good man every now and again.”
~ Leonidas on Spartans
“WHY WON'T IT STARTAAAAAAAAAA!!?!?!?!?!?!?”
~ Leonidas on His broken down car
Leonidas, often rumored to be the king of the SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAANS, was in actuality the alternate identity of the Phantom of the Opera. Born from the virgin womb of ALI LARTAAAAAAAAAAAR and bestowed with the strange ability to control the flow of time by the same process that cured his disfigured face, he abused this power intensely in his campaign against Madonna. Stubborn, tough and shady-hearted—thus his nickname "The Black Diamond"—he heeded neither the advice of the Priests nor the Senate against such a campaign, and marched ahead 300 SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAANS!!! against the singer in 480 BC. In addition to this, he has also battled other giants like himself including but not limited to: Ghidorah, Mothra, Gamera, Bill Clinton and Franklin Pierce.
He is also the father of Chuck Norris, Ruler of Oklahoma, and inventor of the legendary Shit cannon.
Contents |
[edit] Origins
Leonidas was born The Phantom of the Opera, also known as Erik. A bipolar personality, when moved by any emotion or event, Erik conversed in song to alleviate the excess energy. At one point, though, Erik's amazing tendencies for depression were not able to be expressed through only song, and as well as re-awakening Ganondorf, Erik's inability to express the degree of his emotude resulted in an Infinite Loop that ripped many plot holes in the fabric of the universe. Most of these simply suspended the laws of Common Sense and Mortality as applied to Chuck Norris, but a few affected Erik directly. His facial disfigurement was translated directly into facial hair, and he was granted two super powers, a powerful shit that can devastate the entire Greek countryside, pissing off the environmentalists and the Green Peace (he also killed one of the Uber-Immortal by his legendary Shit Cannon), and yell SPARTAAAAAAAAA!!! excessively. Another result of the numerous plot holes was the unfortunate and spontaneous teleportation of Erik, thereafter referred to as Leonidas for unspecified reasons, to a plane of existence that has been theorized to exist specifically for the exploitation and overuse of basic special effects. Originally, in the real history, named Antounidas Andreakis.
[edit] LeonidAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAs AAAAAAAAAAAAAArtwork
 LeonidAAAAAAAs trying to teach George Dubya Bush how to read and write |
 ALL YOU BASE ARE BELONG TO SPARTAAAAAA |
 Leonidas as a child. Damn!! He's got a beard at age 4!! |
 40th President of the United States. |
 Leonidas in the opening of his famous restaurant "Taco Rico" in Mexico City. |
 He's been put in a mental Institution for yelling SPARTAAAAAAAAA!!!. This is madness!! |
 He needs a map... |
 Richest Bastard ever... |
 He plans to make System wars... |
 Can anyone stop him watching Scarface? |
 TONIGHT, HE DINES IN ARBY'S!!! |
 He appears in national pictures |
 He became a national symbol. |
 His gangsta years. |
 He forgot where he's suppose to dine at. |
 This answer made him the richest bastard in the universe. |
 Leonidas' political career is only the begining. |
 His ultimate SPARTAAAAAAAAAAN armor |
[edit] Why the AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
According to historians, the answer to that lays with receiving millions of "Sun Blotting" arrows from the Thousand Nation of the Persian Empire in his ass all at once, at the very moment he was trying to say the word "Sparta" to a messenger of the Persian army. Later in life, (next several hours really, before being run over by the Persians like a Mack truck over a Honda Civic) every time he had a flashback of the incident, he would involuntarily, and automatically get loud with AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA while pronouncing the ending of his sentences or words, depending on the conversation. This phenomenon is known today as the AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA syndrome by the medical community. That is why every time you go to the doctor they want you to say AAAAAAAAAA, while they look into your mouth. They are really trying to see if you have received any Sun Blotting Persian arrows in your ass through your oral cavity.
However, it could also be because his man thong is several sizes too small.
[edit] Superpower Controversy
The exact properties of the two superpowers that Leonidas was granted has been a subject of debate amongst scholars for as long as there has been both scholars and the word 'amongst.' It is a certainty that the first of these powers has something to do with the manipulation of the flow of time, and that the second affects projectiles, though specifically how is up for contention. All we have is a set of raw data concerning the uses of these powers, that being as follows:
1. Leonidas used his abilities to slow and speed time frequently during his war with Madonna. The main point of contention is if this alteration of the flow of time was done at will or involuntarily. Delicate scientific study seems to suggest that whenever any SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!-- the name for members of Leonidas' extensive harem-- took any single action, the time of flow slowed, while any sequence of actions resulted in a sudden burst of speed. However, due to the impossibility of defining what counts as an 'action,' (tragically for those with OCD) this theory remains unproven, and Leonidas may just have changed time however he felt like.
2. Leonidas and his harem also had a strange proficiency for throwing spears with impossible accuracy. Due to rigorous scientific analysis, it has been proven that this ability is only usable in tandem with the alteration of time. In other words, a projectile thrown by a SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!! is only guaranteed to strike and kill its target if time has been either slowed or sped up. The only acceptable targets for a spear throw are the Mouth or Eye. The only time this ability failed was against the magic-resistant Madonna, archnemesis of Leonidas.
3. Rigorous scientific analysis of the trailer for the movie 300 has shown that Leonidas is very adept at yelling. Computer models have predicted that Leonidas could very easily yell a hole through a man's head. It is unfortunate that he did not tap this ability during the battle at Thermopylae, because had he drunk coffee that morning he could have yelled the entire Persian army to pieces.
[edit] Association with UNCYCLOPEDIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Leonidas decided to become a Uncyclopedian like everyone else was. He found out that Xerxes was spreading lies on an article on Wikipedia about him, saying that he wasn't a match to Xerxes. Leonidas decided to make an article about him on Uncyclopedia, spreading as much 'truth' as possible. This offended Xerxes (third reason why there was a war between SPARTAAAAAAAAANs and Persians), and spread lies about the Battle of Thermoplyae.
Leonidas got super-pissed off when Xerxes' article was on Wikipedia and Leonidas decided to chop off heads of Persians and kick the carcasses into the pit. Leonidas' Uncyclopedia account is unknown as of this time.
[edit] WarTAAAAAAAAA with MADONNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Leonidas is famed for his rivalry with Xerxes, better known as Madonna, queen of Transsexual Transylvania. A master of jewelry and Leonidas' ex-lover, Madonna repeatedly tried to dominate and control the Black Diamond of SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!. The resulting rivalry resulted in a clash between the harems of Madonna and Leonidas. Regrettably, most of Leonidas' minions were still located in another Universe in Paris that made more sense, and so Xerxes' harem was much more extensive. As the climax of his existence, Leonidas scratched Madonna's face, making her run away to Persia. Unfortunately, in the process of scratching her face, Leonidas was stabbed by about a kerbillion arrows, and his entirely silent roar is said to have been bonechilling.
Somehow, though it's unknown how this even approches being possible, Leonidas still was able to manipulate the flow of time after his death. This may be another Plot Hole, and if so comes in eighth place for most plot holes present from a malfunction of the laws of the universe in a musical.
[edit] Leonidas and Xerxes: Childhood playmates?
Historians worldwide believe that Leonidas and Xerxes were childhood friends, often frollicking among flowers and slaughtering innocent civilians as something to pass the time. Despite their parent's adament disapproval of the boy's relationship, they continued to spend every waking moment together until the fateful day that Xerxes was exiled from Sparta for the suspicion that he was gay. Xerxes went on to become the ruler of Persia complete with a harem of beautiful men disguised as women so his sexuality was never brought into quesion again. Even after Leonidas' rise to the king, he still remained in close contact with his childhood pal, Xerxes, and even travelled to him in the dead of every Wednesday night for Game Night. Leonidas' grudge against Xerxes was believed to have been the product of a tic-tac-toe battle gone bad on one such night. Apparently, King Leonidas took off his shirt and in a fit of jealousy over the king's muscles, Xerxes tried to stab Leonidas with a Scrabble peice. Leonidas fled with his life and soon after, Xerxes sent the messenger that would begin the major war between the two.The war ended in madonna getting fucked and her borning 300 spartans ready to yell SPARTAAAAAAAAAAA
[edit] Inventions
- Spartaaaaa!
- Pizzaaaa!
- Get Cartaaaa!
- SHIIIIIIIIIT CAAAAAAAAANON!!!!
- The Bartaaaaa! system
- OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!
- The Varnaaaaaaaa! system
- Tartaaaaaaar! sauce
- Lasagnaaaaaaa!
- The Hondaaaaaa! and Toyotaaaaaaaaa! car brands
- The Contraaaaa! video game
- The infamous "For Mother Russiaaaaaaaaaa!" warcry
- The Arizonaaaaa!, Virginiaaaaa! and Californiaaaaa! States, as well as a good part of Canadaaaaaa! and Alaskaaaaaa!
- Americaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
- Uncyclopediaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
- Barcelonaaaaaaaa!
- Cheese grataaaaaaaa!
- Godzillaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
- OKLAHOMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
- Chuck Norris
