Lessons of 9/11
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“Perhaps we would have learned something if only a psychic predicted this! Damn communists!”
~ Oscar Wilde on The lessons of 9/11 that were NOT taught.
Osaamaaaa:Knock knock
Stupid bitchy Americans: Who's there ?
Osaamaaaa:9/11
SBA: 9/11 who ?
Osaamaaaa: You said you will never forget!!!!111one!lol!!11
Following the events of November 9th, 2001, the President George W Bush of the United States drew up a list of lessons that Americans had all learned (though most didn't know they'd learned) from the tragedies. In a vague manner, he cited this list whenever his polls were slipping, such as in mid-2005, when his approval ratings sank to nothing and even his wife and daughters were calling for impeachment and a death sentence for International War Crimes violations that Bush himself allegedly committed with his own two hands. In fact, Bush was said to have planted land-mines on Laura's side of the bed. This was never proven to be either true or false, because Laura swore blind they were there though inspectors never found any. A lesson learned by Bush himself was that a caterpillar can, in the course of one day, consume 50 times its own body weight, a fact he learned reading A Very Hungry Caterpillar, the book he was reading while New Yorkers were celebrating the bringing down of the Twin Towers, two towers which did nothing but clutter the already cluttered New York skyline.
[edit] Lessons learned by Muslims
It is debated whether Muslims learned even greater lessons than did the United States from the events of 9/11. For example, the lessons that many Muslims feel are being taught is "Don't Exist" and "Develop WMD's because either way we're going to get attacked" and "Don't complain that I have to live in a giant desert wasteland, because America has shown that bombs are even hotter and make it even more of a wasteland." "God Bless America, for bringing wisdom to our nation," say all the Muslims. Many Muslims, following the events of 9/11, learned the importance of taking flying lessons and learning to pilot commercial airlplanes. To quote Mohammad Atta, "It was a great feeling, piloting that plane, and something I would gladly do again if given the opportunity. In fact, I think it's something all Muslims should do at least once in their lifetime (besides performing the Hajj, of course)."
[edit] Some Lessons Americans Learned Following November 9th, 2001
- Keep your friends close and your enemies even closer but not on planes near large buildings.
- If you jump out a burning building rather than be stuck with a bunch of cunts while you die you have "committed suicide".
- If you plan to build twin towers, build them so that the space in between the towers is sufficient to let one Boeing 767 pass through without even scraping its wingtips.
- A man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man.
- Good health is the most important thing. More than success, more than money, and more than power.
- Never tell anybody outside the family what you're thinking again.
- My Pet Goat likes to eat grass and thistles.
- If anything in this life is certain, if history has taught us anything, it's that you can fly a Boeing 767 with only 16 hours of flight instruction and 20 minutes of actual flying time.
- Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me. But uh, until that day, accept this justice as a gift on my daughter's wedding day.
- Your father did business with Saudi Arabia; Your father respected Saudi Arabia; But your father never trusted Saudi Arabia
- Saddam's a pimp. He never coulda outfought George. But I didn't know until this day, that it was Osama all along.
- If you put sellotape on a cats foot he'll do a little dance for you.
- Classical physics was a hoax perpetrated by Neil Diamond in 1977.
- Always look left, right, and up for falling Al-Qaeda bombs.
- Do not leave the plane on auto-pilot when going on a bathroom break. Hand over the controls to your co-pilot, or carry a can in which to perform your bodily functions.
- If you want to bring the tower(s) down and not just create big, gaping holes in them, aim for the 77th or 78th floor, as these are the only floors to have scented soap in their bathrooms.
- You cannot survive a fall from the 78th floor and above of any tower. You can, however, provide someone else a great opportunity for a funny photograph.
- Red, blue, and green are primary colors.
- If you've never been to New York and hate all the gay liberal Jews that control it, it's still okay to want revenge against all Muslims because it was an attack on America, which- being an American, yourself- means it's a personal attack on you, by proxy.
- If you wait a few years, even the greatest tragedy can be openly exploited and joked about. (reference: a guy from 2007 who went back to November 9th, 2001 in a time machine to tell people that)
- If we don't live in constant fear, the terrorists win.
- Same thing when people who don't cave in to your unreasonable demands.
- This would make a great graphic novel!
- If there was any silver left under the charred, mutilated remains of the thousands of people who died that day, someone should make coined from them (the silver).
- A thorough job was done recovering the remains of the victims. Really.
- "Ground Zero Memorabilia" sells better than it should on Ebay.
- College isn't anything like it is in the movies.
- If you have cable, you don't have to watch those stuffy old news reports.
- A man is nothing more than a miserable pile of secrets.
- When you treat women, gays, and minorities like people, God sends planes to smite you.
- Bush hates black people.
- Muslim extremists watched the pilot episode of "The Lone Gunmen".
- If someone touches you in a place that makes you uncomfortable, you should run away and tell a grown-up.
- Starbucks is controlled by America-hating conservatives (facists)(Nazis).
- Mikey, indeed, did not like 9/11.
| This article is part of the recognizing 9/11 campaign. NEVAR 4GET, BITCHES!! | ||
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Categories: 9/11 | History | Terrorism
