Lestat de Lioncourt

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“Lestat's the worst roommate ever! All he ever wants is sex!”

~ Louis on Lestat

Lestat getting it on in an old porno film.

Lestat de Lioncourt a.k.a. The Brat Prince is an acclaimed actor and a musician who is currently the lead vocalist and lyricist of the eponymous band: The Vampire Lestat. He is also well known for his narcissistic attitude and flamboyant fashion sense. True to popular belief he is in fact an actual vampire and has been seen on several occasions drinking the blood of any of his competition in either of his fields of acting and music. Therefore he was actually the one responsible for the deaths of Tupac and Heath Ledger. He is also the world's leading expert on vampirism and the stock market.

1 Biography
2 See Also

[edit] Biography

[edit] Early Life

Despite any claims made by Anne Rice, Lestat is actually a real person. Lestat was born in France some time in the 1700's. He was of noble birth but as his family didn't seem to have all that much money he turned to kitten huffing and the teachings of Anton LaVey so by the time he had gone through puberty his dad wanted him out of the house because he was scared Lestat would huff all of his kittens. So a disbanded Lestat was then forced out on the streets where he hooked up with fellow gangsta Nicolas de Lenfent and the two of them ended up being prosecuted on several drug trafficking charges as well as many accounts of violent gang behaviour. After a police chase saw the two seeking refuge in a theatre, Lestat turned to a career of acting whilst Nicolas became a man-whore as that was all he was good for. This is where Lestat accumulated his bisexual tendency from as Nicolas was more than willing to give it to him for free.

[edit] Emo Period

Lestat became emo for a short time in his life after he got all depressed over the deaths of his horse and his dogs. He tried to commit suicide but that was only after he had been turned into a vampire so it didn't quite work. Rather he just ended up even more depressed than before and started to slit at his wrists till he realized that his blood just tasted too darn good. It was apparently like chicken.

[edit] Becoming a Vampire

Whilst Lestat was in Paris, he was kidnapped by a gay pedophile vampire named Magnus and threatened with castration if he did not do as he was told. Lestat served this guy for quite some time to the point where Magnus wanted him as his heir and that he was to inherit Magnus's stash of stolen loot. Ever the money-hungry scoundrel, Lestat agreed and Magnus raped him - oops! I mean turned him into a vampire.

[edit] Lestat and Louis

Lestat begs Louis for sex.

Centuries had passed and Lestat had become very horny indeed which was why in desperate need of his own man-bitch. Thankfully for him he ran into Louis, some depressed suicidal guy he met randomly one night. Like his master before him, Lestat kidnapped Louis and raped him, thus turning him into a vampire. Unfortunately Louis wasn't interested in sex so Lestat got very angry and started to act all grumpy.

[edit] Acting Career

Kicked out of home, Lestat joined a brothel and became a famous man-whore with his friend Nicolas de Lenfent. After being seen playing the role of Lelio on some lame stage show by an agent named Renaud, Lestat was given a contract to star in several porno flicks. Lestat was more than happy to accept the offer but did not read the fine print which was as follows:...by signing this contract you agree to be converted to a vampire. Thus Lestat became a famous vampire/porn star. His first film, which co-starred his friend Nicolas, titled Intercourse With the Vampire which was an adaptation of the novel of the same name by Anne Rice was one of the best rated titles in the adult film industry for quite some time.

Later on Lestat began to star in many movies but came under fire when he chose to steer from Satanism and turn to Scientology. Most recently he has made a decision to quit acting and can instead be found spending his days lying on a chapel floor.

[edit] Conversion to Scientology

Lestat made his conversion to Scientology after taking a test by a local recruiter and being stupid enough to actually join, abandoning his old LaVeyan ways. As of late he has been trying to convert the world to his newfound beliefs via celebrity endorsement.

[edit] The Vampire Lestat

The Vampire Lestat is a rockstar.

After witnessing the effect of Marilyn Manson's anti-Christian drivel during a concert, Lestat was inspired to make music of a similar type. So, hiring a bunch of wannabe rockers, Lestat devised his own blasphemous musical scores. Despite the extent he had gone to in formulating his brainwashing lyrics, Lestat was not very creative when it came to inventing a band name and thus he just decided to call his group The Vampire Lestat. The band were an instant hit, except many other rockstars started to bitch about them as it seemed almost impossible for them to believe that Lestat was really a vampire and that Lestat's lyrics contained more obsceneties than an entire album by Eminem. He is currently at war with Swedish industrial metal group Deathstars over the copyright of the songs The Rape and Blitzkrieg.