LeVar Burton
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“What's ur name, boy?”
~ Massa on LeVar Burton
“Geordi... Geordi La Forge....”
~ LeVar Burton on his roots
LeVar Burton (February 16, 1957-January 1, 2015) was a popular actor and deity. He was known for playing the part of Geordi La Forge in Star Trek and for being freaking awesome in Reading Rainbow.
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[edit] LeVar the actor
The most important thing to note about LeVar is that he could read. We know that he could read at the level of a five (5) year old. He also possessed enough ability as a thespian to act for both four (4) year olds and sweaty basement geeks alike. He also looked really good in silly looking glasses.
Arguably his most important and endearing accomplishment to the world is the fact that he hosted Reading Rainbow for 19 years without anybody catching onto the fact that he is a wee bit gay. The Rainbow isn't just a metaphor for happy times with literacy, oh no. He entered into a black market agreement with the Christian Coallition to avoid being ousted as a major threat to society like spongebob or the evil satanic tinky winky.
He also did the voice of the black kid in Captain Planet! Coincidentally, he is also black.
[edit] LeVar the Deity
Many of our nation's disaffected youth were left wanting by such traditional religions as Christianity, Buddhism, and Pastafarianism. These children yearned for a higher power that was not only benevolent, but also literate. A secondary cause may or may not be related to the V that graces his beautiful name. Many of Burtonists claim that the V stands for their salvation from commercial televison. LeVar Burton is worshipped through books and wearing silly glasses.
His followers believe in a special form of intelligent design that states that the world was written as a children's book, and all actions that occur in our perception are in fact caused by spot running. Seperatists maintain that it is not a children's book, but a science fiction franchise gone horribly wrong.
There is a lot of controversy among theologians about whether Burtonism clasifies as a religion or not. It is stated that there is a God and worship and all the other necessary components of a true religion. Detractors point out that LaVar was born in Germany and is therefore inelligible for the position of supreme being.
Burton was killed when the warp core he was building in his garage suddenly exploded.
