Liger
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“What'chu know bout Ligers?!”
~ Liger Enthusiast on Ligers
“It's a trap!”
~ Admiral Ackbar on Ligers
“I once had a Liger when I was a boy, but he horribly mangled my penis and I was forced to put him down.”
~ George Washington on on his pet Liger Judith
A liger (A.k.a. tigon) is an animal created when a confused and/or really desperate lion and tiger meet. This often happens in captivity, under the influence of industrial narcotics and Danny Baker.
Ligers are born upside down and with no feet, legs or head. They are also born with magical properties which give them the ability to confuse and distract prey at will. It is also widely acknowledged that ligers are greater than the sum of their component parts.
Ligers are equipped with a venomous barb on the tip of their tails. They use this to barb their enemies venomously.
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[edit] Liger Facts
- It has been proved that Ligers like chocolate better than cherrypie
- Ligers have sharigan and that is how they got laser eyes.
- Ligers somewhat like Tigons.
- Like tigers, but unlike lions, ligers enjoy swimming.
- Ligers' favorite colours are green and blue.
- Ligers' preferred food is lamb shank, but they are also partial to Crunch Corners.
- Ligers are water resistant up to 6".
- According to a 1989 study, ligers are 104% more exciting than dogs.
- A liger's ton boots have steel toe caps, which enable them to shank lesser creatures (e.g. lions and tigers). The boots can only be removed by another liger standing on their heels.
- Ligers are reality proof.
- It is a little known fact that on clamping their jaws onto victims Ligers can exert up to 71,238N of force. This is more than any other known animal, extinct or not.
- No liger has ever been beaten in a game of Pictionary, even by another liger.
- Ligers originated in Ligeria, now known as Liberia.
- Sasuke+Kabuto+Sakura=Liger(Tiger is in there somewhere but you have to find it!!
[edit] How to escape from an enraged liger
Although Ligers have excellent depth perception (rated 20/20), it is a little known fact that they actually have relatively poor width perception (20/6) and next to no height perception (20/1). This can be used to your advantage if you are attacked by a liger in a jungle, desert or car park. First make yourself look very wide, and then very thin. Next, look exceedingly tall. Avoid the whirling helicopter blades and thrashing poisonous barbed tale. Ignore the liger's magic powers and lure the liger into a nearby pond, river or lake. Using an oversized protractor, or similar instrument, turn the liger through 90 degrees about its core axis. This will take its excellent depth perception out of the equation and allow you to tempt the liger into deeper waters, where its water resistance is no longer active.
[edit] The creation of ligers
Ligers were created when randy thibault finally realized how freaking gay he was. the end I am sooooo hot yes!
[edit] Obsession with ligers
Ligers are a dangerously addictive animal, and smoking more than 2 or 3 a day can lead to severe behavioural problems. An addict will spend more and more time talking about, researching, lying about, promoting, drawing and hunting ligers. There is presently no cure for liger addiction.
[edit] Liger Experts
Having spent 15 days semi-dedicated to the study of Ligers, Sam Styles is the leading expert in the field of Ligertology. He is also a lead academic in Tigonomy and is developing his works on Ti-Li-Ligerithics. Being a recovering Liger addict he struggles balancing a devoted career in Ligertology and the complete avoidance (not literally) of the infamously famous magical creatures. His only regret in his extensive career is "...not getting more Lions drunk in the relative vicinity of already moderately tipsy Tigers who would be positively 'up for it'", and blah, blah, blah... Michael jackson has been seen late at night riding ligers through the forest of swirly-twirly gumdrops in search of little boys he can take back to never-never(touch my body) land where he seduces them with candy canes and his magical wand
[edit] Skills in Magic
It has been well documented that the Ginger Liger genus Nappoleonus Ligratus has been bred for its sweet skills in magic. But originally the species was domesticated as draft animals, they were small, sausage shaped and would lie at the foot of doors. Its is thought that the first ligers to be bred for magical purposes where in japan in effort to better draw magic manga tigers, (a common theme, and re-occoring in joke in all manga commics). It was typically the French that decided to breed Ligers for warfare. It is important to note that the French did not develop the magical abilities with the aim of devastating their opponents, instead they were supposed to induce a sense of whimsical poetic confusion turning the opponent soldier to a typically French life devoted to philosophy and shit cinema. Needless to say it did not work. Their magic abilities are based on the three core magic varieties that any Diablo nut is familiar with: Cold, Fire, and Lightning. The Liger Mana stats are stacked, as unusually are their Str stat. As a consequence they have low charisma and dexterity relying on more radial spells like frost nova (cold) hydra (fire) and chain lightning (lightning) due to their low hit ratio.
