Lightning

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“Thunderbolts and Lightning, Very Very Frightening, Me.”

~ Thomas Aquinas

“ Who's This Thundering Retard?”

~ God on Thor Cruise

“You will be die!”

~ Ms. Bird, CAL Physics Teacher

“RIDE IT!”

~ Metallica on Lightning

This article is likely to give you a seizure, or at the very least make your eyes

BLEED! (NO,REALLY!)

Fat people attract lightning

Thor Cruise Smoting his wife Oprah with the power of lightning

Lightning has been scientifically proven to spawn from the domestic arguments of Thor Cruise and his wife Oprah. Whenever they're fighting, his wife screams screams angrily, "THOOHOOOORR!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY HER???" That is the voice we know as the sound of the thunder. Thor is usually so startled while drinking his pint of mead that he accidentally hammers lighnting bolts when he hears his wife's scream.

Nobody knows why the old and barbaric married couple keeps fighting all the time, but so it is. Many have claimed that Thor drinks too much mead, while some have said that Thor has too many shut uphore smote his wife many years ago, and made her live with him instead of sending her to valhalla. Scientists are still arguing about this subject.

"Al Gore invented the internet, so how could he NOT summon lightning?

Thor Cruise loves to add ice cream from the clouds to his mead. However in 2001 the Scandanavian government tried to put a tax on this, but Thor got angry and rebeled against this; his anger caused "The Great Lightning of 2001". The government eventually allowed him to continue tax free. Hollywood made a film about his legal battle called "Vanilla in the Sky" Thor Cruise stars as himself.