Lily Allen

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“She's such a chav! She pretends otherwise but she's really not fooling anybody.”

~ Oscar Wilde

“I didn’t know you could pregnant from the bum bum”

~ Lily Allen

Lily Allen is a famous musical machine from England, who rose to fame through her distinctive songs notable for their poor timing giving an off-beat feel. She is often mistaken for a particularly ugly human (the daughter of equally ugly human Keith Allen)due an illness that has caused hair loss. She is known to be Amy Winehouse's arch-enemy due to their similarly unattractive asexual natures and love of alchohol.

Contents 1 Personal Life 2 Career 3 Discography 3.1 Alright, Just 4 See Also

[edit] Personal Life

Allen has no social life to speak of and has poor communication skills as can be seen in her lyrics. Improper pronunciations are common in her speech and 'singing'. Contrary to popular belief, she's not the most annoying person ever. She was born in 1999 in a rainforest...somewhere. She is the niece of Irish comedian Dave Allen. Thus, many believe her musical career to be a joke. She has never had a formal relationship as she belongs to a breed called 'chav' and therefore prefers one-night-stands with strangers who pay her well.

She also admitted on numerous occasions that she is a drug dealer and is a user herself, which is hardly unacceptable in music;after all, everyone's doing it. This may explain her unattractive appearance and constant rants about the cream of modern music. She also covered a song by InXS to prove her naivete about the music industry.

[edit] Career

Allen was given a record deal on the basis that her father is extremely wealthy and has more talent than a lot of people in the music business. Her lyrics are written by a man in Scunthorpe who allows her to perform them under her own name. It is the cheap recording process that produces the poor timing and skips, frequently giving an off-beat feel, which has made her famous. She cannot sing, so she instead talks 'rhythmically' and out-of-tune. This awful-sounding out-of-tune mess is all the rage, however and has got her to number 1 in the charts 59 times (she prefers 69, however).

Her first single, Smile was released in 2006 and she hasn't left us alone since. 'Smile' has the ability to make everyone do completely the opposite; however, it somehow gained popularity with subliminal messaging programmed into the song is still played 75 times a day on Radio 1.

[edit] Discography

[edit] Alright, Just

1. Smile (Please?) - a song about how nobody listens to her compositions
2. Knock Me Up - refers to her day job
3. LSD - refers to her favorite past-times
4. Everyfin Sounds Just Awful - speaks for itself
5. Not Small, Just Anorexic - a song referring to her vanity and body image
6. Friday Nite Wiv Jonnfan Ross - describes her numerous TV appearances
7. Shame on Ya - about her fans
8. Littalist Fings - refers to the only men she can pull without beer goggles.
9. Take What Ya Want - another one tha speaks for itself
10. Mate O' Mine, Innit
11. Helfy - before her rompings and drug-taking.

Most of the songs on this album are sampled from classic reggae songs and have been totally ruined....but that's the best way to earn money these days.

[edit] See Also

• Pop music
• Woody Allen