Paradox
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“The power of just one little paradox can destroy the universe. Let's try it. This sentence is a li *sentence gets cut off*”
~ srn347 on paradox
“The only true thing here, is that this sentence is a lie.”
“I am lying!”
~ Some crazy liar on paradox
“Paradoxes are confusing.”
~ Captain Obvious on paradox
“It's opposite day!”
~ Some five year old on his awareness of what day it is
"Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off." - Ellen DeGeneres
The following sentence is false. The preceding sentence is true.
This page does not exist.
You are not reading this sentence.
A paradox is not what it is. Kind of like trying to maintain your composure when you are eating steak at your girlfriend's house and you tell her dad that it tastes like beef jerky.
This is not a List of Paradoxes. Duh.
[edit] Infinity Paradoxes
- Main article: Infinite recursion
- Zeno's Paradox: If you want to win a race, have a head start.
- Channel one paradox: There are no numbers.
- 1=2: There is 1 number and it's Numberwang.
- Toilet Paper Paradox: You will never finish a roll of toilet paper.
- Soda Paradox: If you start to drink, you will never stop.
- Hot Paradox: The hotter someone is, the uglier they are, and vice-versa to infinity.
- Asshole Paradox: The more you piss me off, the more I kick your ass.
- More Infinite than the other Paradox: If there are infinite numbers and there are also infinite prime numbers how can one be infinite if there are more of one than the other?
- The Kevin Bacon Paradox: the more movies Kevin Bacon makes, the more I want to slash my wrists. Is it possible to hack through the bone?
[edit] WTF? Paradoxes
The following statement is true:
The above statement is false.
- Your mission is not to accept the mission. Do you accept?
- If this is true the world will end in 5 days
- An even simpler example can be found in the following one-liner :
This sentence is false.
You sarcastically say, "I was being Sarcastic." when the listener responds, "oh, sorry." then you honestly reply, "I was being sarcastic." They, now exicited ask, "Really?" which loops infinetly.
[edit] Philosophical Paradoxes
- Main article: Phil Osophy
- Pointless Paradox paradoxically pointless.
- Goatsewin's Three Laws: About the fabled Goatse.
- Goatsewin's First Law: The more people do not want to think about Goatse the more it will be mentioned in IRC channels.
- Goatsewin's Second Law: The more people do want to think about Goatse, the more he will be mentioned in IRC channels.
- Goatsewin's Third Law: The more people don't give a shit about Goatse the more he will be mentioned in IRC channels.
- Russell's paradox: If a barber doesn't cut his own beard, what does he cut?
- Shallowness paradox: if you dump somebody for being shallow, that makes you shallow.
- Toothpaste tube paradox: The more you brush your teeth, the sooner Chairman Mao will die.
- Liar paradox: This sentence is false. Is it true?
- Miss Teen America paradox: Americans are the only people on Earth.
- Omnipotence parodox: Could God create a book so incomprehensible that even He couldn't read it?
- Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it? pens rocks.
- Beaner paradox: A Mexican tells you that all Mexicans are liars. Is he telling the truth? Of course not, because he's a dirty, lying Mexican.
- Infinite Wisdom Paradox: A man who has infinite wisdom realises that having infinite wisdom is impossible, how then did he come to this conclusion?
- California paradox: Is it faster to California or by train?
- Hotel California's paradox: if you've checked out, why haven't you still left?
- Unrequited-Gay-Love Paradox: Say a gay guy is in love with a straight guy, and all he wants is a straight answer.
- Grelling-Nelson paradox: A heterosexual who is hetrological wants the homosexual to be like him.
- Work experience paradox: You can't get work without experience, but you can't get experience without work.
- Vietnamese Village paradox: We had to destroy the village in order to save it. See also Iraqi Occupation Paradox.
- Your Favorite Undiscovered Band Paradox: The band is good so people should listen to them. But once people start listening, they'll start to sell out and they won't be worth listening to.
- Rolling Stones Paradox: You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.
- Damnation paradox: you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.
- Infernal Hydraulic Engineering Paradox: if you agree to build a dam for the Devil, then dammed if you do, damned if you don't.
- A Most Ingenious Paradox: This Paradox (a Most Ingenious Paradox): you are the victim of this clumsy arrangement, having been born in leap-year, on the twenty-ninth of February; and so, by a simple arithmetical process, you'll easily discover that though you've lived twenty-one years, yet, if we go by birthdays, you're only five and a little bit over.
- Brick In Wall Paradox: If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
- The Self-Fulfilling Paradox: This is not a paradox at all, but rather, a linear, straightforward statement.
- Therein, says Kierkegaard, lay the paradox.
- Tree In Forest Paradox: If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, do the other trees laugh?
- Ilicit Behavior Paradox: How can something so wrong feel so right?
- Leprechaun Paradox: If two leprechauns find each other, which one would get the pot of gold?
- You are in a nondescript room of nondescript size. Exits are to the north, south, and west. Oh, and there's a Grue over there in the corner.
- Hot Chick Paradox: There are 2 hot chicks in your room.(This one is completely unbelievable, How come these things never happen to me)
- Wrong List Paradox: The following paradox is a physical paradox, and is in the wrong list, but if you put it in the right list it wouldnt be a paradox anymore.
- Right List Paradox: this one is a paradox in itself, as it is in the right list how exactly is it a paradox?
- Raven paradox: Green apples are not black, so they are not ravens.
- Intentionally blank page: The blank page says "This page is intentionally left blank."
- Quine's paradox: "yields a falsehood when appended to its own quotation" yields a falsehood when appended to its own quotation.
- A sign reads "no signs, please". The sign next to it says "no 'no signs, please' signs, please". etc.
[edit] Physical Paradoxes
- Main article: God is Dead
- EPR Paradox: Ravioli defies one of the major laws of thermodynamics - that pasta can never be destroyed.
- Time paradox: If you marry your cousin, you and your brother would live in Vermont.
- Ultimate paradox: Complex system of affiliated religious matter.
- Temporal paradox: If Mr. T goes back in time to stop Mr. T from inventing the time machine, which Mr. T pities the fool who wanted to make a time machine?
- Human Paradox: Mr. C. is a Supreme Allied Engineer, yet is obsessed with hotel toilets.
- Infinite Paradox Theory: If you go back in time, does Mr. T pity you?
- Russian Infinite Paradox Theory: If you pity Mr. T, does a time machine go back in YOU?
- Paradox of Choice: If I asked you for £1,000,000, would you give me it?
- Dock Paradox: A dock next to another dock.
- Grandfather Paradox: If you go back in time and you are raped by your grandfather, is that a prosecutable offense in the state of Tennessee?
- Predestination Paradox: You go back in time and become your own grandfather and then you rape yourself. Seriously, what the $&*% is wrong with you?
- Paradox Paradox: Can a universe exist without paradoxes?
- Paradox (Arizona): A place where conspiracy theorists believe there is an alien base, but it doesn't exist. This proves that conspiracy theorists are idiots. Like you.
- Glasses paradox. You can't find your glasses in the morning, because you need glasses in order to see them.
- Dirty Paradox. You are the victim of food poisoning, and you find yourself in need of a receptacle to shit in at the same time as you need one to vomit in. Thus your "paradox" become dirty, "paradox" meaning "pair of Doc Martens".
- Schrodinger's Cat Paradox: You place a cat in a box with a radioactive substance and a container of poisonous gas. If the radioactive material does not decay, the cat continues to live; if the radioactive material does decay, the poisonous gas is released and the cat is killed. You are an awful, awful person for doing something so cruel to another of nature's creatures. How do you sleep at night? (this of course is justified if you are in fact a professional kitten huffer)
- Wet Shirt Paradox: You cannot dry a wet shirt, as after it is dried it is now a dry shirt not a wet one.
- Friend Paradox: A man kills his best friend. What kind of bastard kills his best friend?
- Recycle Bin Paradox: Where do you put your recycle bin when it is time for it to be recycled?
- Paradox Paradox: A duo of physicians.
- Mr.Robot Mans Gossip Paradox : If your talking about someone behind their back, doesen't that mean your right in front of them?
- Cheap Fantasy Novel Exposition Paradox: Something happened before the dawn of time, but "before" implies a linear time stream, so whatever happened couldn't have happened before linear time started.
- Non-existence Paradox: Good world contributions of Sudan.
- Cat's Feet Paradox: A cat always lands on its feet, and bread (or toast) that is buttered or jellied always lands on its butter/jelly side. A face-up piece of buttered/jellied bread is superglued (or some how comically adhered otherwise) to the back of said cat, which is then thrown with rules of gravity in effect. Take THAT, physics!
[edit] Nonsense Paradoxes
If you make a box containing the whole universe, and you destroy it, have you destroyed the whole universe? And if so, then there was no universe to destroy, so therefore the universe must come back, but then you will destroy it, causing an infinite loop and a system error on God's computer, causing Him to blaspheme, thus sending Himself to Hell, which means God is Satan and Satan is God so therefore worshipping God is evil and performing Satanic rites is good, so by being good you go to Hell, and by being bad, you go to Heaven, so therefore you can do whatever the hell you like because Satan (now God) wants you to be bad and God (now Satan) wants you to be evil... but if Satan = God, God = Satan so therefore this paradox has healed itself and God switched from Norton anti-paradox to something decent - like McAfee Paradox Prevention. So therefore, reading this served no purpose. Much like Project Solomon.
[edit] Box Paradox
If you create a box containing a random universe, and vise versa (like in the episode of futurama) and destroy the box containing their universe, meaning that you have destroyed everything in that universe, even the box that contains our universe, destroys the box containing our universe which means that you have committed suicide! EUREKA! You sir are an emo!
[edit] The paradox of the pair of ducks
Suppose you have two ducks, each taller than the other.
[edit] The paradox of the pair of Doc ducks
Suppose each duck goes to college and obtains a high degree, and that now each duck is smarter than the other.
[edit] The paradox of the pair of Doc duke ducks
Suppose each duck is a member of English royalty, and each is more regal than the other.
[edit] The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses
Suppose each duke duck also acquires a wife, each of which is more beautiful than the other.
[edit] The paradox of the pair of duke ducks' dutchesses' mandrake marmalade milkshake
Suppose this is getting absurd and that you'll have to use your own ingenuity to formulate this situation.
[edit] The Paradox of two MC's
Now imagine you have two MC's, and each is iller than the other
[edit] The Spice Girls Paradox
If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends... but wouldn't you be their lover then? Assuming that they prescribe to the same rule (a given, considering that the Spice Girls have a hive mind and would all follow this rule). The Spice Girls also have no friends beside each other. This leads to an endless cycle of not-quite-fucking, and you will never, ever get laid. Not that that's a new thing.
[edit] The Soda Paradox
Less-commonly known as the "Soda-Time Conflict". This occurs when a drink which contains ice is ordered at a restaurant. The paradox occurs as the diner would like to drink the soda before the ice melts and leaves the drink tasteless. However, when the diner does drink the soda, s/he is brought another drink from the waiter. S/he then must drink this new drink before the ice melts, but as soon as s/he does the waiter brings another drink.
The paradox ends when the diner's bladder explodes.
While there is proof that this paradox occurs daily, it is yet to be documented how the chain can be broken without bladder explosion. It is possible that throwing the ice at the waiter would help.
[edit] The Barney paradox
Barney the dinosaur has knowingly tampered with time and space. He has been known to edit wikipedia articles just for the fun of it. He has also put playboy magazines in pandora's box. If Barney succeeds, all people shall turn into gaylord dinosaurs just like Barney. Srsly! His brother is also affiliated in this ghastly affair. Note:this link leads to nothing inapropiate in any way. Srsly!
[edit] Another paradox
See this page
[edit] See also
- Two Lists of Paradoxes, each one more paradoxical than the other.
- Two people, each more famous than the other.
- Ethics
- Optical illusion
- Omniquantism
- Fallacy
- Jigsaw puzzle
- Mmm Deity Paradoxic Paradox
- Paradoxasaur
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