Little old lady
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Little old ladies are bags of brittle calcium and failing organs, created for young people (i.e. people with souls) to mock, spit on, and shove around for purposes of hilarity.
The little old lady phenomenon is generally confined to particular places at particular times of day. Strangely, little old ladies spontaneously appear in supermarkets, hairdressers, banks, post offices and town centres at 10am, persisting in many of these places throughout the lunchtime period and undergoing a rapid age regression into screaming schoolchildren at approximately 3:30pm.
The reverse of this regression, that of school children spontaneously changing into little old ladies, has never been observed. It is presumed that this effect either takes place in a wormhole or on a whole new dimensional plane.
There are only three places that little old ladies persist at all times of the day or night:
- A Casino - usually found carrying large cups of coins and staggering around looking for the exit.
- Nursing homes
- Hospitals
In Spain, Africa and other parts of Europe, little old ladies are mysteriously granted superhuman strength at the age of 70, allowing them to carry all sorts of things for miles and miles. The record is still held by 96 year old Gladys who was spotted in the North of the United Kingdom carrying sixteen donkeys, three children, a Morris Minor and her handbag, for a combined weight of approximately 8 tons.
Little old ladies are easy to spot. They're the ones with a blue rinse hobbling along using a zimmer frame or walking stick when they think people are watching and zipping around on pogo sticks and juggling donkeys when we're not.
[edit] Warning! Don't answer the door!
If a little old lady knocks at your door, it's normally to trick you into yodelling - as can be seen from the following conversation:
"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Little old lady"
"Little old lady who?"
"Quit yodelling and open the door already!"
