Family Guy
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
|  This article needs liposuction! | 
|
| This poor old lady is not in her better shape, but we wish we could trust your swift hands to bring her back to her former glory. We mean rewrite it! |
Family Guy (aka The Anti-Simpsons) was a secret mind control project initiated by the CIA in late 1998, and code-named MKGILLIGAN. It has been widely believed to be the best written thing ever. The CIA believed that by creating a television program which combined retarded humor invented by manatees with subliminal programming, the youth of tomorrow could be adequately prepared to face the terrorist threat. Sadly, it backfired and the program was cancelled in the early part of the 21st century due to poor results. It has since been resurrected as part of a Muslim plot to destroy Americans by making them even Stupider. This too has backfired, since the average Family Guy viewer has gone on to either establish a Fortune 500, cure a disease, become a Cambridge University professor, while all have unanymously agreed to refuse to listen to Phil Collins (a huge indication of their not being brainwashed and turned into mindless sheep).
It also made the Russian reversal popular. Thanks, Family Guy. Thanks.
Contents |
[edit] The Creation of Family Guy
Once the project was given the green-light by the Nixon administration, trillions of dollars of federal funding were assigned to find the best comedy writers to pen the project. Well respected writers such as Jayson Blair, Michael Olesker, Ben Domenech, Jeffery Archer, and Darth Maul were all considered for the project, but later dropped when young Seth MacFarlane submitted a sample script, that was not ripped of from any existing show called The Simpsons. Having extensively studied Homer as a college student, MacFarlane was hired immediately as director of MKGILLIGAN based on both his education and prior experience as a well respected comedy writer. Family Guy is often downgraded now to the position of the Hummer. MacFarlane's sample script made gay boards erupt into fistfights, and was praised by project coordinators for its highly original concept - an animated show that was to feature an obese, pea-brained father figure married to an attractive workaholic wife, along with a badly behaved son, unpopular daughter and highly intelligent baby. Disappointingly, it was later discovered that Seth wasn't writing the script at all. after an investigation by Eric Cartman (chief of South Park police) it was found that a tank of manatees were writing the script in his basement, amid varied sado-masochistic gear. Money changed hands, and Seth was back on the project.
However, project administrators thought that a show based along those lines would never prove an absolutely and completely shit recruitment tool, and so decided to add an alcoholic dog for comedic effect.
[edit] Project cancellation and resurrection
Having to live under the title "Simpsons ripoff", the project known as Family Guy had hard times for its beginnings years. Even beating out The Simpsons several times as best animated series did little to change it. Death was inevitable. Once the project died people were able to see past its placed title and realize Family Guy was a kick ass show. This unexpected response led to Family Guy doing the impossible, coming back from the dead. Oddly enough, its resurrection caused many of the show's fans to dislike it, saying that it lost its touch and was just trying too hard to be funny(and not doing very well).
[edit] Example Of A Family Guy Episode
- Chris: (at a lost-and-found) Is this were babies come from?
- Brian: Yes, Chris, this is were babies come from...
- Chris: (O_o) {points to Lois} YOU TOLD ME I CAME OUT OF YOUR VAGINA!
- Lois: {random and pointless comment-perhaps relating loosely to what could be called a plot}.
- Peter: You think that's bad?! Remember the time I ate pizza pockets while riding oversized pogo sticks with Uma Thurman in the Panamanian Jungle while drinking Molson Canadian?
- Commercials!
- Stewie: AAAAAAAAAAA AAA AA AA
- Peter: Whoa! You think that's bad? Remember that time I drank rabbit juice while driving down Main St. and was propositioned by 4 moldy whores and their ambidextrous Siamese twins who just happened to be related to Quagmire's mother's sister's half-brother's niece's nephew's half-brother's sister's cousin Tracy?
- Commercials!lol
- Ollie Williams goes on the news and shouts one word really quickly.
- Herbert: I'm a pedophile, so I'll remind you about it in every single season 5 episode.
- {random character entrance}
- Recurring character comes and shows no development and makes the exact same joke as a previous episode.
- Peter: Oh that's almost as bad as the time me and Will Smith beat up those hookers in Vegas while wearing neon flashing t-shirts and yellow spandex.
- Commercial!
(By now, you know that The Fat Man, Peter, has a famous phrase that more than ten million people use world wide which is known as "Holy Crap!"}
- Chris: Oooowooweeeinja.{Random annoying whinniness-perhaps yelled for maximum annoyingness-probably about a monkey}
- Peter: Chris that's the stupidest thing I've seen since Larry King won the Poland's Strongest Man Contest.
- commercial!
- Quagmire does something sexually suggestive.
- Brian: Peter this paper says that you aren't a genius, it's says you're mentally retarded...
- Peter: You think that's bad? Remember the time I drank that magical poison from the land far away and turned black then got shot at 38 times for no particular reason while riding a donkey at the parking lot of Taco Bell with Ben Affleck?
- commercial!
- Joe shouts at someone.
- Brian: {some rant about some thing stupid Peter did tied in with a pop culture reference that is about as culturally relevant as Celebrity Fit Club 10: the cast of Laverne and Shirley vs. the cast of Joanie Loves Chachi.}
- Middle eastern man laughs and explains why a recently made sarcastic comment is funny.
- Meg: {Token line in episode-perhaps about how she hates her self/family/life/underarm hair}
- Peter: {some unfunny comedic remark about someone/something in pop culture}
- Credits
- Commercial
- IT'S OVER!!!!!
- Rioting ensues
[edit] The Enlightened
Upon reflection, it seems obvious that Family Guy has been part of a secret government propaganda project all along. However, at the time it was not so easy, and only through the hard work of many dedicated followers of the show - who prefer to be called "The Enlightened" - was the truth found out. For example, in one episode a man is refused a job as a doctor. This seemingly incongruous sentence is actually part of the elaborate global conspiracy. It wasn't long before hard working members of The Enlightened realized that this was in fact a reference to the evil communist regime of The Soviet Union - according to an Enlightened, "a state so insular that people would do things their way even if they totally contradicted their intentions".
[edit] Spin-offs
The success of Family Guy prompted the CIA to undertake a similar project, again with MacFarlane as director. This time, below target recruitment figures for the CIA prompted MacFarlane to create American Dad, which has since gone on to encourage millions of school children around the United States to consider a career with the Saudi Arabian Monarchy. Controversies erupted from the airing of the show, people declaring that it was a rip off of Family Guy.
A second spin off "Hamily Guy" was commissioned by the Milton Keynes high council of elders after purchasing the intellectual property rights from the CIA. In this absurdly successful live action remake all characters were replaced by boiled pork products.
Yet another spin off, noted as "The Guy of Families" was released by the CIA five years following the first airing of "Family Guy." The main plot revolved around a fat man who was born and raised in the state of Utah, USA. Growing up as a Mormon, his father taught him the value of family and how life should be live. As a result the fat man became married by age 18 and had several children. The stories, including dramatic and wonderful tales of family courage, were shown through each successive episode; each containing a little life lesson. Sadly, the side plots of "The Guy of Families" revolved around the fat man marrying several wives, though now days, Mormons do not marry multiple wives, as it is called polygamy, and is not practised or believed in any more. The fat man eventually had more children than he could handle as a father. Backlash from the Christian and Hindu community ignited against the Mormon religion, due to "The Guy of Families" influencing many children to marry at a young age and have sexual relations with many older and younger women. It is noted that even Mark Foley was a fan of the TV series, and took advantage of little boys, as was Ken Jennings (winner of Jeopardy)who was sued by several of his wives for cheating on them. Thus, the end of "The Guy of Families" had finally come to end end. All characters are still trademarked by the CIA, and recently FOX has been sued by the CIA for using similar characters in their regular TV episodes.
[edit] Students
The US Government since made extensive knowledge of Family Guy a pre-requisite for admission to all but the most lackluster of colleges. Students are expected to be able to quote from memory large passages of the text, and it is only through in depth analysis of the philosophy behind Family Guy that higher learning can truly be reached. Thus, the evil capitalists continue their tyranny throughout the land, spreading disease and dirt as they go. Really dirt is harmful. *Cough* *Vomit* *Eat* *Lather* *Rinse* *Repeat*
[edit] Trivia
- The show totally doesn't use at least 500 flashbacks per episode, and when they do, it's never annoying and is always relevant to the plot.
- In the Family Guy episode North by North Quahog, during scene six, directly after that scenes obligatory flashback, Stewie can clearly been seen in the background watching an excerpt from the Family Guy episode, North by North Quahog.
- Family Guy is often referred to as completely original, never crude and never tries waaay too hard to be funny.
- The writers and creators spend hours and hours crafting each joke so that it is culturally and plot relevant and that all will have a good laugh.
- The Griffins' neighbor, Quagmire, is a virgin who is saving himself for marriage, and regularly attends anti-pornography protests
