Lost (TV series)

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"Now type: 'LOL, G2G, tlk 2 u L8R'."

LOST has gone! It's missing, presumed LOST.

“There's no such thing as "spoilers" in Lost. Merely mentioning the word gives away the series.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Lost

“Don't tell me what I can't do! Don't ever tell me what I can't do!!.”

~ The Writer's of Lost on Lost

“Along with "Medium," possibly the most appropriately named series ever.”

~ Mark Twain on Lost

Warning: The following text might contain spoilers. This makes the article more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds. Take caution and carry a first-aid kit at all times if you don't know that Kadaj is Sephiroth, Gordon Freeman accepts the G-Man's offer, Luigi is Mr. L, everyone but Horatio dies, and Fortinbras takes over, the Magratheans rebuild Earth after the Vogons destroy it, Deckard is a Replicant, too, Ocelot works for the Patriots, Niles and Daphne get together, Heathcliff finally dies, and Catherine and Hareton get married, the Lord of the Flies is inside us all, Springtime for Hitler is a huge success, and Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!

LOST is actually named after the state of mind one finds themself in when watching the television comedy LOST. This aspect was created in the USA.

Watching Lost creates a Lost factor, which creates Lost fanboys and fangirls, the latter being obsessed with the Sawyer. Watching too many episodes of Lost will result in another factor, a sub-factor of the Lost factor, called Lost Interest.

The TV show itself focuses on the 42 survivors of the crashed Jefferson Airplane on Monkey Island looking for/running from polar bears, Udders, falling planes, holes in the ground, giant magnets, and each other.

New members of the cast will be Matthew Dilkes and David Baxter who crash land on the island in their flying tandem. They set up camp on the other side of the island were they get in some serious gay action taking the series off in a completely new direction. The pair are quite shocked when they are in mid bum thrusting and are caught by Locke who decides to join in on the action. Baxter is quite keen to let Locke in on there loving But Dilkes is upset that he would share his man juice with anyone else so runs off into the jungle. He later meets a jew called Toby and they fall madly in love.

Lovable yet evil Vincent is the main character, who is slowly but surely killing off the rest of the cast. It is yet to be revealed how he does this. The series creators have, though, dropped clues that it has something to do with ranch dressing.

He is accompanied by funny-man Hurley who is looking to spend his fortune made from shooting adult films. Also on the island is Charlie Hobbiton, who is searching for the one hatch of POWER. Sex symbol and highly adored Kate is a psychopathic serial killer, with an inexplicable lust for toy airplanes. She is also at the centre of the island's infamous love tetrahedron™, which includes most the cast, including Sawyer, Jack, Claire, Sun, Sayid, Sideshow Bob, Wilson and Vincent. Locke is also a relevant character who hasn't died yet.

The show is currently in its fourth season, and is watched by over 11 people worldwide, making it one of the most popular TV shows in the world, ever. It has already been picked up by the XYZ network for 108 more seasons, which the writers claim is the minimum required to completely cover their whole story.

Many wonder where the writers get all their ideas from, though the evidence points to the several tons of crack that get delivered to their offices each month.

[edit] Latest Episode Recap

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Lost (TV series).

[edit] 13 & 14: "Eso es todo! Estamos matando a la isla! (Parts 2,3 & 42)"

And so this is how the fourth season ends.

Last season, Jack screamed at Kate, causing an abrupt end to Lost. Here, in a very sudden move, and typical of last-minute edits, Kate pulls back, and slaps Jack, saying " I don't care what you say, I am NOT going to work on Lost. Ever again."

Jack proceeds to sob like a little baby, despite the decision that a mysterious man told him the show had to go on.

The rest of the show, until the very end, explains WHY Lost got cancelled.

Creamy, wanting to play CS, took the half-dead Ben, when he found Kate, running from the Udders. It later turned out to be that the a server change in the Island had changed the game of CS into TFC 2, and Kate was actually a spy. The Boaties, as a result, lost the game.

In the future, teenage Walt visits Hurley. Hurley, still visibly shaken by the visit from the grown-up Walt, asks him why he suddenly looks like Wesley Snipes. He then wonders why Lost got cancelled, why Abrams is making Cloverfield and Fringe, and why the 6 keep on talking about a mysterious old man. Hurley then says "You got KFC ?"

Back at the Orchid, Jack and John Locke have another ULTIMATE FINAL CONFRONTATION SHOWDOWN. Like, wow ! John Locke tired of convincing Jack, despite the polar bears, smoke monster and ghosts, then says "Well, you know what ? No more Lost to you !" and sticks his tongue out. Suddenly, Ben turns up, out of nowhere, noting that Lost is about to be cancelled, and things do not look good. He then drags Locke down to the roots of the Orchid, leaving a confounded Jack.

Back on the boat, it seems to be that the decision to cancel Lost seems apparent, so Michael, Jin and Desmond proceed to prevent the cancellation of Lost by freezing the falling ratings. Somehow, and thanks to some new webgmaes rewired (here's looking at Octagon and find815.com), it's a success.

Back at the beach, Daniel, still reeling from autism, wanmts to pick up C.S. Lewis and Miles. However, Miles states that he can't leave because Sony wants to film Extreme Ghostbusters pon the Island. C.S. Lewis doesn't want to leave because the rest of the Narnia films are going tio be filmed there. Feeling fed up, Daniel runs to Juliet, but Juliet states that she's waiting for some hot male stud to turn up now that Jack has left her. Daniel finally gives up, and takes a few redshirts on his raft.

We finally see the Orchid. The Orchid, true enough, uses plants to move the island. Well, not really. The orchid is actually the stage where the 'Contest' was being held. Ben, setting up the apparatus for the Contest, says that two contestants were supposed to turn up. He says this while Locke watches a Dharma video about a rabbit. (the Two contestants were Daniel and Desmond). Just as Ben was about to start the Contest.... dramatic moment ! Someone else is in the Orchid !

Jack and Kate are finally happy. Lost will end, and they are all going to get fat paychecks. Hopefully. However, alog the way to the boat, it is revealed that Frank, in a drunken state of tupor, made a hole in the helicopter. Sawyer, realising that Lost would be far more fun if it continued, decides to jump from the chopper. Before he does so, however, he whispers to Kate that he indeed contracted herpes from that prostitute and she should be feeling the effects very soon. He then dives off, yelling, "See you all in Season 5!!"

Another flash-forward. Hurley is playing chess with Ekonomicz when Sayid turns up, saying to Eko "Mysterious old mas has something both of you ahve to see." Hurley wants to say the name of the mystery man, but Sayid says... "Shhh ! Don't give away the answer !"

Back to the Orchid... the intruder is... Creamy ! Yeah, duh. Anyway, since the Orchid was a greenhouse-teleportation area-nudist colony, Creamy wants to join in the fun, proceeding to disrobe, while boasting "I'm the new hot male ass around here !!" John Locke then approaches the naked Creamy, saying that being buff isn't everything. Just as he says this, Ben punces on Creamy, screaming "YOU BROKE UP THE RULES !!", screaming like a girl. The death of a nude man in a greenhouse is enopugh to make fans of the show revile and call for an immediate cancellation, to which Locke cries, "Ben... WHAT DID YOU DO ?!!"

Ben then says, so ?

Back on the boat, it seems to be that the web-games were not enough, and all rules of time distortion so popular with Season 4 now don't apply. The webgames only buy enough time for Desmond to get on the recenly landed chopper. Well, Jin also made it too, though Sun starts screaming, without realizing her husband is right beside her.

Michael, desperate to make the latest webgame, knowna s the Octaginrecuitingcompany work, when Christian turns up, saying "It's over." Before Michael can type thje final clue, the Boat blows up, effectively ending the Boat arc, like the Hatch arc back in Season 2.

Flash-forward to the future. Jin, having been shot for ofereing a sad panda, is enough to make Sun demand vengeance. Sun now wants Widmore's help to find the Island, and thus, join his Axis of Evil.

Cut-back to the chopper, Jack then realizes that Lost HAS to continue. But it's too late.

Meanwhile, Juliet, being left-behind, then notices Sawyer. Sawyer, having mysteriously left his clothes while swimming, starts to get horny. The two then have sex.

Ben, after blowing a hole in the nudist colony, then says to Locke, "Well.... I have amde you less of the cool guy youw ere in Season 1. Now that you're leader, maybe you can start a spin-off show, and be as cool as you were back in Season 1". John Locke, thus, goes back to the Udders.

Ben then reveals, to the TV adueince, that the whole was a gateway to... DUN DUN DUN DUN... A GIANT WHEEL.

No seriously.

A GIANT WHEEL MOVED THE ISLAND.

So, Ben moved the wheel, and the island disappears and becomes a drop of water. In the midst of this, the same purple sky from the Season 2 finale comes back. During this, Daniel suffers from another case of autism, Locke and the Udders get blinded, Sawyer and Juliet have sex, and the Frank's chopper crashes....

....into the ocean.

Eventually, Jack then makes the realization that they have to lie. Like, people have been telling him for one season, and only now he decides it. While they wait on the raft, they see what might be a boat coming, and all of a sudden a big light turns on and a big voice says "We're gonna have to take the boy!". Then Jack and them are like "Oh, COME ON! I mean really!". This was actually just Penny's Antarctican slaves making a joke, and they are rescued.

A week later, Desmond then says to Jack, 'Well, brother, this is it brother. Now that I won the contest, brother, I need to find Daniel, brother. So, good luck on the rest of Lost, brother."

Jack says goodbye, and proceeds to start the scene that would result in the start of the previous episodes opening scene.

Are you ready for it ?

The mystery man was none other than John Locke.

Lost could not be cancelled, and Daniel, who was scouting fro Cloverfield 2, has to be found. Jack knows that there are too many loose ends for Lost to end. As such, Lost cannot end.

Ben then turns up, and, in front of the sleeping body of John Locke, makes out with HJack.

And we have to wait until 2009 before we know what the writers of Lost have in mind next.

See here for previous recaps.

[edit] List of Characters

See Lost (TV series)/characters

Several of the "LOST" Castaways

[edit] Mysterious Island

A map on a blast door in the hatch. Believed to be finger-painted by Shannon.

The unknown attracts viewers like a humming wall attracts keys. Several viewers have speculated on occasion, though never to excess. A prevailing theory in the community suggests that the entire show does not in fact exist; it is just a mass hallucination brought on by ABC broadcasting a blank screen for an hour every Thursday.

[edit] A tale of a fateful trip

Main article: The Dhesktop Initiative

The Udders have been on the island for twenty-two years. They are members of an aborted research project, The Dhesktop Initiative, which was funded by the companies that grow those plants you see in windowless offices. You ever wonder how on earth those plants survive? Right. The island was supposed to be home to research stations for plants that can grow in total darkness, or under very cheap fluorescent lighting. Unfortunately, one day Jerry forgot to close the blinds as the sun came up, and all hell broke loose as the plants grew out of control. The island was transformed into a lush tropic paradise, and funding for the project was abandoned. The Udders are still trapped on the island with all their research equipment from 1982, and when not terrorizing the Lost cast they kill time trying to fix their laserdisc player so they can watch Saturday Night Fever.

[edit] The Magic Numbers

The solution to the island involves the numbers. Magic numbers, in fact. The famous Magic Numbers, chubby rock band. In fact, they attempted to stay sane on the island in a similar manner to Tom Hanks in Castaway (vis-a-vis befriending a volleyball called Wilson). However, their friends were much more edible, and their rapidly increasing phat factor meant that they just could not chop their own firewood. Therefore, they shot down a passing plane, bringing a group of lean and athletic yanks to the island. And so their firewood was chopped, in pairs of 0, 1337, π, 499000, ⅜, and of course, Q.

[edit] The Love Tetrahedron

The romance in Lost is drawn mainly from the inexplicably complex LOVE TETRAHEDRON, which contains perhaps all of the cast but four - Bono and Shannon; whose necrophiliac needs have been sustained now that they are dead most of the time; the wild boar, because it's underage; and the monster, because it kills everything it loves, ending any relationship before it starts.

The tetrahedron can never be fully explained to anyone due to its incredible complexity, but a rough guide to it is shown below. Romantic links are represented by the red lines between the names.

A father and his son chatting over the Snowglobenet.

[edit] The Snowglobenet

Functioning mainly as the island's networking service, the Snowglobenet as whole (AKA "Websites Tracking Facility") is operated by a large number of nets (SGNs) which are scattered over the island and being maintained by Snowglobe Dolls (SGD). Featuring attractive Snowglobenet-specific websites such as Glooble, Udderclopedia and MSN, the Snowglobenet became majorly a target of vandalism. Recently there have been cases of SGDs thievery, blunt abuse of SGNs, and complete destruction of Snowglobenet servers. Raging WTF addicts are constantly losing control, some of them went as far as kidnapping the vandals, an act not once ended up in casualties.

[edit] Other Mysterious Mysteries Solved

The Island is in fact located just off the coast of Euthanasia, where polar bears, jungles, and monsters are common.

The Black Rock is actually Captain Hook's ship. They accidentally took the turning at the second star on the left and ended up on the island.

The bearded hobo on the island doesn't really have a beard. When this was revealed, thousands of viewers died of heart attacks.

The mystery of how an Iraqi soldier serving under Saddam Hussein could have possibly acquired torturing skills was solved when it was revealed that he once dated a dominatrix, who taught him everything he knows.

The timer is actually counting down to "PARTY TIME!!" The theory being that if you are able to correctly enter the numbers in time, you're not wasted enough for the party to start properly. When it runs out a giant disco ball comes on along with an array of strobe and laser lights. It turns out that the DHARMA people were actually extras who had escaped from the "Saturday Night Fever" set to find a place of eternal dancing.

[edit] The Final Truth

In the Lost movie, picking up where the series left off, the truth revealed in the final episode is shattered. Ed Gein is revealed to actually be the DHARMA Shark, a shark with a DHARMA symbol on its tail, who had disguised himself as Gein. The shark is revealed to be related to many of the island's secrets. He ate the body of Jack's dad out of the coffin, he dropped the food over the island, and he built the hatch in order to test out the button-pushing skills of the islanders. In an epic battle, Desmond mounts onto the smoke monster, who had become a good character in season 72, and they fly into the clouds to battle the shark. The shark eats Desmond and the black smoke, however, and while the Survivor Squad is distracted by the battle, they forget to push the button in the hatch, which results in Party Time, and ultimately the complete incineration of the island due to the continual playing of Insomnia by Faithless.

[edit] Discounted Theories about Lost

These theories have all been discounted, and are now 2 for 1

The Theorists then came up with a better 'dead' theory, that they were all dead and in Purgatory. The creators insist they would still be dead and that that would make the show very boring.

The plane was the plane from "Snakes on a Plane". (Disproved due to lack of Samuel L. Jackson, not lack of snakes)

Locke is the original Sawyer, is Kate's real real father, was also her husband for a while, is Him, and was only pretending to need a wheelchair.

More than 17 people continued to watch the show after the "Hugo fixes a car episode" debacle.

The writers planned at least 50% of the story before they started typing. Later comments by David Fury proved that they hadn't even started to think about the story until half the show had been broadcast.

The survivors are actually a part of a scheme set by George W. Bush to try to get a third term.

The creators have a planned storyline.

[edit] Stuff you may not have noticed

Sawyer's real name is an anagram of HillBilly
In the pilot episode, if you look very closely about 8 minutes 15 seconds in, you can see Waldo
Shannon's breasts have a tag on them claiming '$350, Plastic Surgery Express'
The Monster is actually called Cuddles by the Udders.
In scene 4 of episode 16, Kate's breasts mysteriously change sizes throughout the scene.
If a French woman is separated from native French speakers for 16 years, her accent mysteriously drifts to somewhere in central Europe.
The whole series is filmed backwards, meaning that Episode 16 Season 6 is actually Episode 1 Season 1, and vice versa.
If you take the first three letters from each episode name, and each character's name is equal to π, and you divide them by the sum of the amount of times there has been awkward sexual tension between Jack Kate and Sawyer, and then subtract the variable of (Disney™)x3+Shannon is a Bitch, you just wasted a whole bunch of time.
Ben was watching you the whole time.
LOST is an anagram of SLOT.
Hurley is in fact a lesbian robot monkey from the future.

[edit] The Lost Experience

An ARG (pronounced AAAAAAAUUUURRRRRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!) and live action roleplaying game, it was introduced to the public in 2004, but no one really noticed until the present day. While members of Lost's cult frantically search for clues in miles and miles of source code and Who references, the real players are creating fake websites to vent their rage on the rest of the world. A popular advert (paid for by Sprite) depicts great warriors donning their armor, raising their swords for battle and forum-posting, all while drinking a Sprite with their other hand. Sprite endorses the advertising campaign, and makes it clear that they are supportive of the show and its massive entourage of thirsty fans. The Lost Experience (paid for by Sprite) has taken over massive sections of newspapers, sometimes buying out the entire newspaper (so long Oregonian), commercial spots on ABC, and most hainus of all: Amazon.com. You can no longer order anything from Amazon, as they'll only deliver a Sprite and a genuine copy of the number 42. The experience serves as something similar to a thirst quencher for Lost fans in between seasons. Drink Sprite.