Lost (TV series)

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"Now type: 'LOL, G2G, tlk 2 u L8R'."

LOST has gone! It's missing, presumed LOST.

“There's no such thing as "spoilers" in Lost. Merely mentioning the word gives away the series.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Lost

“Don't tell me what I can't do! Don't ever tell me what I can't do!!.”

~ The Writer's of Lost on Lost

“Along with "Medium," possibly the most appropriately named series ever.”

~ Mark Twain on Lost

Warning: The following text might contain spoilers. This makes the article more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds. Take caution and carry a first-aid kit at all times if you don't know that Little Orphan Ani is really Darth Vader, Trinity and Neo die, Book dies and then Wash dies after the audience has been lulled into a false sense of security, Deckard is a Replicant, too, Prufrock isn't Prince Hamlet, Henry testifies against his best friend and goes into the Witness Protection Program, Bertha Crow is the answer and Bertha Crow is the winner, and Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!

LOST is actually named after the state of mind one finds themself in when watching the television comedy LOST. This aspect was created in the USA.

Watching Lost creates a Lost factor, which creates Lost fanboys and fangirls, the latter being obsessed with the Sawyer. Watching too many episodes of Lost will result in another factor, a sub-factor of the Lost factor, called Lost Interest.

The TV show itself focuses on the 42 survivors of the crashed Jefferson Airplane on Monkey Island looking for/running from polar bears, Udders, falling planes, holes in the ground, giant magnets, and each other.

Lovable yet evil Vincent is the main character, who is slowly but surely killing off the rest of the cast. It is yet to be revealed how he does this. The series creators have, though, dropped clues that it has something to do with ranch dressing.

He is accompanied by funny-man Hurley who is looking to spend his fortune made from shooting adult films. Also on the island is Charlie Hobbiton, who is searching for the one hatch of POWER. Sex symbol and highly adored Kate is a psychopathic serial killer, with an inexplicable lust for toy airplanes. She is also at the centre of the island's infamous love tetrahedron™, which includes most the cast, including Sawyer, Jack, Claire, Sun, Sayid, Sideshow Bob, Wilson and Vincent. Locke is also a relevant character who hasn't died yet.

The show is currently in its fourth season, and is watched by over 11 people worldwide, making it one of the most popular TV shows in the world, ever. It has already been picked up by the XYZ network for 108 more seasons, which the writers claim is the minimum required to completely cover their whole story.

Many wonder where the writers get all their ideas from, though the evidence points to the several tons of crack that get delivered to their offices each month.

[edit] Latest Episode Recap

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Lost (TV series).

[edit] 12: "Eso es todo! Estamos matando a la isla! (Part I)"

At last, the season finale is finally upon us.

The episode begins on what appears to be a plane carring some precious cargo. The scene then reveals that the helicopter is taking the Lost crew to the ABC studios for the filming of the Lost movie. The crew has second thoughs about being the Oceanic Six and that they're all in shock. Jack says "This will be easy". As the plane lands, we see the emotions of everyone about the outside which is packing with famous celebrities. As they go hug their celebritie, Jay-Z included. Kate wonders why she doesn't have a celebrity. The scene flashes back to the island where they are preparing to track the helicopter to whereever it's going. The scene flashes back to the island where they're trying to figure out wether Sayid and Desmond were on that chopper. Daniel then does something and hears that they're heading to the Island's Orchids Gardens. Jack doesn't know that the island had an orchid garden. Jack takes Kate to kill some pilots while someone reminds him that he just got drunk. Jack reminds her that he has to do this because he's tired of being on the island. Daniel then worries about the second SGN protocol and reminds everyone that something bad is going to happen and they have to get off of this island within a few seconds.

The group then travels to where the chopper landed when all of a sudden. We see Jack drunk, and Jack lies about being drunk. When somebody suspicious comes through the bushes. We learn that it's the same asian guy from before and Sawyer carrying Aaron. It is revealed that Claire has suddenly dissapeared without a trace. Jack then reminds Sayid that he's using the iPhone to track where the chopper landed. Sawyer then calls him the new Udders and said that they tried to kill him. Jack is focused on getting off of that island and ignores every word of Sawyer. He then says that it's his responsiblity and that he has to do it. Kate is then left behind and Sawyer unwittingly follows. We then flashforward to what seems to be an awards show where they are being shown where they film the show. The Lost cast agrees to ask questions about the show. Someone asks if there will be a 4th Season, Jack says there will be in a confusing state, only giving out minor details. Somebody then asks why they look Handsome. Somebody asks Hugo if he want his money back. He undeniably says No and wastes all of the money on drugs. Sayid says that planes aren't the only thing he can go down on. Jin then says that his husband really did die on the Island. Kate then talks about the hot sex she had with Bernard and how she birthed Aaron. Everyone then deinies that there was nobody left on the island. When they are leaving, she says that there is a woman waiting to see you. In what appears to be a touching relationship, he has hot sex in the middle of the road with Ben's henchwoman. We then flash back to the island where Sayid has returned to the island to bring everybody off of the island. We then learn that Jack and Kate's fate are to die.

We then see what seems to be the A-Team going to The Island's Orchid Garden, which is actually a nudist colony. Ben says that the plants have the power to move the island. When suddenly he finds a box with stuff inside it. Some crackers, a mirror and binoculars. He then uses it in McGuyver format to communicate with the island. Ben then tells them that he told the island "None of your business", The scene then cuts back to what appears to be the bording factor for the boats. Sayid then leaves Daniel with the boat, and heads off to find Jack. Kate then tells him that he knows where Jack and Sawyers is and proceeds to give Aaron to the boat. She then runs off with Sayid and the boat travels out with the boat to places unknown to the cast. We then see Jin walking up some stairs in an orderly fashion, when somebody were talking about who stole their Monopoly fun money. Jin then tells her father that he ruins Jin's life and that he fully bought out his company, Jin's father then begins to cry as an 8-year old. She then tells him that she will have his baby and nothing can stop him.

We then see what seems to be Hurley's car parking at his mansion, when suddenly he seems to be inside a hallucination brought thorth to the island. When suddenly it is revealed to be Hugo's birthday, the party then goes really, really, smothly as he begins to flirt with Kate and Sayid. When his father interrupts him to show him his "Present" which is what seems to be Hugo as car, when he tries to drive the car. He sees the numbers on the car and realize that it's bad luck. He then runs away as the scene cuts back to the island, where Hurley is talking about the possibility of moving the island when he's curious about the guys with guns moving with the island. Ben then informs everyone to keep their heads down as they're at the Orchid. Ben then tells that he lied again and reveals that Charles Widmore's group is already there.

We then see the emotional triumph of escaping the island and heading to the freighter, Desmond then lets everyone on board and is reminded of Sayid's fate. We learn that the engines are online and that he can take the boat to the Island. But when something interrupts something on the boat. Desmond then goes to find out what's causing the boat problems when the boat decides to go somewhere else. We then see them heading to where the chopper landed when Sawyer notices Jack's shaved beard. He says it's awesome. When they finally reach where the helicopter landed, when they find a victim of rape. We then learn that he can fly them out of the island for some exchange of a little sex. When they learn that they have a little time to escape the island, they realize that Hurley is there and that he might be killed or worse raped. We then see Jack at his father's funeral saying and slandering his father. He then proceeds to tell the audience all about himself and his life as a doctor. We then see him leading all of the hot chicks out of the church then leading his own mom out of the church. We then see Jack flirting with Kate again, we also see him flirting with some old woman saying that he killed his father and that he came to see her hot young daughter. When Jack realizes he has a daughter and that he was on a plane that crashed into an ocean. He then begins to break down robot style. We then get something about Kate being beautiful.

We see Michael telling us how he got off the Island and how he wanted to help when we see Desmond calling out for Michael. We learn that the ship appears to be filled with TNT designed to blow up the ship should the series be canceled. We then see Kate and Sayid following him when we see someone in the bushes. It appears to be Jack. When Kate and Sayid appears to be hostile. Some people with guns surround him and begins to threaten their lives. Ben then comes up with a complicated plan on how to move the island which is too complex for this recap. Jack and Hurley are confused by his plan, Ben says he'll take care of the guards himself. We then see Sun walking out on the ship with Aaron, as Jack and Sawyer and his group come out with Sayid and Kate. We then see Ben holding his arms up as a deoderant. We then see Ben being hit over the head with a gun, possibly being dead. Setting us up for the second-part of the 3 hour series finale.

See here for previous recaps.

[edit] List of Characters

See Lost (TV series)/characters

Several of the "LOST" Castaways

[edit] Mysterious Island

A map on a blast door in the hatch. Believed to be finger-painted by Shannon.

The unknown attracts viewers like a humming wall attracts keys. Several viewers have speculated on occasion, though never to excess. A prevailing theory in the community suggests that the entire show does not in fact exist; it is just a mass hallucination brought on by ABC broadcasting a blank screen for an hour every Thursday.

[edit] A tale of a fateful trip

Main article: The Dhesktop Initiative

The Udders have been on the island for twenty-two years. They are members of an aborted research project, The Dhesktop Initiative, which was funded by the companies that grow those plants you see in windowless offices. You ever wonder how on earth those plants survive? Right. The island was supposed to be home to research stations for plants that can grow in total darkness, or under very cheap fluorescent lighting. Unfortunately, one day Jerry forgot to close the blinds as the sun came up, and all hell broke loose as the plants grew out of control. The island was transformed into a lush tropic paradise, and funding for the project was abandoned. The Udders are still trapped on the island with all their research equipment from 1982, and when not terrorizing the Lost cast they kill time trying to fix their laserdisc player so they can watch Saturday Night Fever.

[edit] The Magic Numbers

The solution to the island involves the numbers. Magic numbers, in fact. The famous Magic Numbers, chubby rock band. In fact, they attempted to stay sane on the island in a similar manner to Tom Hanks in Castaway (vis-a-vis befriending a volleyball called Wilson). However, their friends were much more edible, and their rapidly increasing phat factor meant that they just could not chop their own firewood. Therefore, they shot down a passing plane, bringing a group of lean and athletic yanks to the island. And so their firewood was chopped, in pairs of 0, 1337, π, 499000, ⅜, and of course, Q.

[edit] The Love Tetrahedron

The romance in Lost is drawn mainly from the inexplicably complex LOVE TETRAHEDRON, which contains perhaps all of the cast but four - Bono and Shannon; whose necrophiliac needs have been sustained now that they are dead most of the time; the wild boar, because it's underage; and the monster, because it kills everything it loves, ending any relationship before it starts.

The tetrahedron can never be fully explained to anyone due to its incredible complexity, but a rough guide to it is shown below. Romantic links are represented by the red lines between the names.

A father and his son chatting over the Snowglobenet.

[edit] The Snowglobenet

Functioning mainly as the island's networking service, the Snowglobenet as whole (AKA "Websites Tracking Facility") is operated by a large number of nets (SGNs) which are scattered over the island and being maintained by Snowglobe Dolls (SGD). Featuring attractive Snowglobenet-specific websites such as Glooble, Udderclopedia and MSN, the Snowglobenet became majorly a target of vandalism. Recently there have been cases of SGDs thievery, blunt abuse of SGNs, and complete destruction of Snowglobenet servers. Raging WTF addicts are constantly losing control, some of them went as far as kidnapping the vandals, an act not once ended up in casualties.

[edit] Other Mysterious Mysteries Solved

The Island is in fact located just off the coast of Euthanasia, where polar bears, jungles, and monsters are common.

The Black Rock is actually Captain Hook's ship. They accidentally took the turning at the second star on the left and ended up on the island.

The bearded hobo on the island doesn't really have a beard. When this was revealed, thousands of viewers died of heart attacks.

The mystery of how an Iraqi soldier serving under Saddam Hussein could have possibly acquired torturing skills was solved when it was revealed that he once dated a dominatrix, who taught him everything he knows.

The timer is actually counting down to "PARTY TIME!!" The theory being that if you are able to correctly enter the numbers in time, you're not wasted enough for the party to start properly. When it runs out a giant disco ball comes on along with an array of strobe and laser lights. It turns out that the DHARMA people were actually extras who had escaped from the "Saturday Night Fever" set to find a place of eternal dancing.

[edit] The Final Truth

In the Lost movie, picking up where the series left off, the truth revealed in the final episode is shattered. Ed Gein is revealed to actually be the DHARMA Shark, a shark with a DHARMA symbol on its tail, who had disguised himself as Gein. The shark is revealed to be related to many of the island's secrets. He ate the body of Jack's dad out of the coffin, he dropped the food over the island, and he built the hatch in order to test out the button-pushing skills of the islanders. In an epic battle, Desmond mounts onto the smoke monster, who had become a good character in season 72, and they fly into the clouds to battle the shark. The shark eats Desmond and the black smoke, however, and while the Survivor Squad is distracted by the battle, they forget to push the button in the hatch, which results in Party Time, and ultimately the complete incineration of the island due to the continual playing of Insomnia by Faithless.

[edit] Discounted Theories about Lost

These theories have all been discounted, and are now 2 for 1

The Theorists then came up with a better 'dead' theory, that they were all dead and in Purgatory. The creators insist they would still be dead and that that would make the show very boring.

The plane was the plane from "Snakes on a Plane". (Disproved due to lack of Samuel L. Jackson, not lack of snakes)

Locke is the original Sawyer, is Kate's real real father, was also her husband for a while, is Him, and was only pretending to need a wheelchair.

More than 17 people continued to watch the show after the "Hugo fixes a car episode" debacle.

The writers planned at least 50% of the story before they started typing. Later comments by David Fury proved that they hadn't even started to think about the story until half the show had been broadcast.

The survivors are actually a part of a scheme set by George W. Bush to try to get a third term.

The creators have a planned storyline.

[edit] Stuff you may not have noticed

Sawyer's real name is an anagram of HillBilly
In the pilot episode, if you look very closely about 8 minutes 15 seconds in, you can see Waldo
Shannon's breasts have a tag on them claiming '$350, Plastic Surgery Express'
The Monster is actually called Cuddles by the Udders.
In scene 4 of episode 16, Kate's breasts mysteriously change sizes throughout the scene.
If a French woman is separated from native French speakers for 16 years, her accent mysteriously drifts to somewhere in central Europe.
The whole series is filmed backwards, meaning that Episode 16 Season 6 is actually Episode 1 Season 1, and vice versa.
If you take the first three letters from each episode name, and each character's name is equal to π, and you divide them by the sum of the amount of times there has been awkward sexual tension between Jack Kate and Sawyer, and then subtract the variable of (Disney™)x3+Shannon is a Bitch, you just wasted a whole bunch of time.
Ben was watching you the whole time.

[edit] The Lost Experience

An ARG (pronounced AAAAAAAUUUURRRRRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!) and live action roleplaying game, it was introduced to the public in 2004, but no one really noticed until the present day. While members of Lost's cult frantically search for clues in miles and miles of source code and Who references, the real players are creating fake websites to vent their rage on the rest of the world. A popular advert (paid for by Sprite) depicts great warriors donning their armor, raising their swords for battle and forum-posting, all while drinking a Sprite with their other hand. Sprite endorses the advertising campaign, and makes it clear that they are supportive of the show and its massive entourage of thirsty fans. The Lost Experience (paid for by Sprite) has taken over massive sections of newspapers, sometimes buying out the entire newspaper (so long Oregonian), commercial spots on ABC, and most hainus of all: Amazon.com. You can no longer order anything from Amazon, as they'll only deliver a Sprite and a genuine copy of the number 42. The experience serves as something similar to a thirst quencher for Lost fans in between seasons. Drink Sprite.