Lubricant

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“I don't think its self lubricating”

~ Thomas Jefferson on George Washington

Lubricant. It's shiny. It's slippery. It makes things slide up against each other. It helps reduce friction. Sometimes it enhances friction. Yeah.

1 Development
2 Uses
3 Economic Outlook
4 See also
5 Fear This

[edit] Development

Natural lubricants were the first ones to be discovered. They were often squeezed from plants or animals. In the Mediterranean region, many dagos discovered that olives were just loaded with oils, and worked to extract it by pressing the fruit between the breasts of their women. Early stone carvings suggest that this may be how the lubricating properties of oil were first discovered.

[edit] Uses

One of the best things about lubricant is that when you get it rubbed all over you, you look totally fucking hot

Lubricants are a universal product, in high demand wherever things rub up against one another. In 2003 (the latest year for which data is available) it was estimated that 75% of medicine cabinets and 22% of lunchboxes in North America contained at least one jar or tube of Vaseline Petroleum Jelly. Lubricants today are used to:

Keep fish from sticking to one another
Adding viscosity to snot
Prevent food from sticking to plates
Reduce lip burns on tender nipples
Protect knees and buttocks from carpet burn
Give a healthy shine to unprotected genitalia
Foil competitors in serious horse racing

[edit] Economic Outlook

Today, the massive, turgid lubricant industry throbs with excitement, glistening and slick, poised to thrust into the quivering and eager ring of the world market.