Lucius Cornelius Sulla

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Lucius Cornelius Sulla 138bc to 78bc also known as Sulla the lucky was the most beloved roman of all time. During his illustrious career Sulla reformed the roman republic earning him great admiration. Sulla is one of histories earliest documented casses of eye beams, his blue beams were described by Sallust as "terribly sharp and dominating".

Contents 1 Youth 2 The Jugjurka War 3 Sulla -vs- The Cimbri and the Tuetones 4 Social War

[edit] Youth

As a youth, being a ginger, Sullas only friends were male ballerinas in pink tutus, deciding not to dedicate himself to the selfish goal of earning money he instead became patron to the arts. Being gingers his family were robbed of all possesions lest they breed, so he led a humble existence of binge drinking, kitten huffing and partying. Luckily due to a series of fortunte events Sulla raised enough money to begin a politcal career, were these funds raised through pimping himself out to wealthy senators? yes, yes they were. Also he liked to make lotsa mom jokes as a kid, he was pretty funny.

[edit] The Jugjurka War

In 109bc while serving as Quaestor on hit cbbc tv program Raven, Sulla was called forth to Numidia, home to the Numidians (nu ravers with chlamydia) and their evil tyrant king Jugurtha, known to history as Jugjurka due to his sexist womanising ways. Sulla single handedly stormed the country much to the jealousy of his superior Marius and captured Jugjurka who had just returned from a womanising holiday in the south of Italy where he murdered his cousin lest he beat Jugjurkas womanising record, infact Jugjurtha had so many notches on his bedpost he only had a tooth pick left, Marius in shame hid in the famous green sewer system of rome and became known as Mario.

[edit] Sulla -vs- The Cimbri and the Tuetones

In 104-1bc Sulla embarked in a musical career and teamed up with hit celtic band, Cimbri and the Tuetones. This 3 years collaboration resulted in the hit screamo song "hercle! equus meus est ceratus" (By Hercules! my horse is waxen). Though popular with the forum emo scene Sulla-vs-Cimbri and the Tuetones never released another single again.

[edit] Social War

Between 91 and 88bc the very anti-social social war was fought between members of the roman empire, all the citizens hosted parties in an attempt to out do each other. The war was sparked when Sulla attended Marius/Marios comeback party but turned up in the same dress... I mean toga. In 88bc Sullas supporters over ran the local Tescoicus Expressio and had bought all the alcohol, this decisive move finished any hope of Mario creating a counter party and so like his dreams he went once more down the drain.