Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Lucy van Pelt is Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. She currently holds the record as being the richest bitch ever to gain a fortune in the airline business.

[edit] Formative years

Lucy, born in 1950, grew up in the 'burbs, the oldest of three children. During that time she is reported as being "mean," "angry," "destructive," and "that girl who always took the football out from under me when I was about to kick it." Her formative years, though violent and destructive, had a major role in her path to riches. One of the kids she picked on the most, one Mr. Charlie Brown, ended up becoming very rich very quickly. All suspicion aside, of course, Charlie Brown became incredibly wealthy and ended up turning into a major socialite. After making amends with Lucy, Charlie ended up inviting her to almost every gala, ball, party, event, and get-together that he held. They even dated for roughly seven months, but that ended quietly with them fucking and with the two still being good friends.

[edit] Ambitions realized

Lucy had always wanted to marry rich. Unfortunately, Lucy's childhood love, the neighbourhood-pianist Schroeder, was never destined to be his generation's Elton John. Finally deciding that Schroeder could never provide the care and support she needed, Lucy moved on and eventually married Paris Onassis, Greek shipping-and-air tycoon, whom she met at one of Charlie Brown's fêtes. However, Paris eventually died of a heart failure while in Aruba. Although saddened by his death, Lucy inherited all of Paris' worldly goods, as he had no family of his own, making Lucy a borderline billionaire. She also inherited their mansion in Beverly Hills.

[edit] Corporate world

As Paris' widow, she reconfigured Paris' Onassis Airways to be Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, which was, for approximately three hours, five minutes and twenty-three seconds, the most successful commercial airline company in the world, but Boeing soon had the lead again. After being surpassed by what was then considered to be a relatively young airline company, Boeing rushed to produce more and better planes, which it succeeded in doing. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds was soon below even Airbus. However, Lucy was persistent, and Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds was the #2 Commercial Airline Company again within a week of falling behind Airbus. Greyhound is visibly nervous.

[edit] Strawberry Fields incident

Lucy's continued fortune in the business unfortunately took a nosedive when, on one of the airline's Boston-Liverpool flights, the pilot was in a moment of fancy and crash-landed the airplane into some Strawberry Fields, killing three of the fifty-seven passengers (including the pilot and the co-pilot, Lucy's second husband, Edward Furlong) and wounding ten others. The company's stock was already circling the drain due to an near-mishap which had occurred only days before the Strawberry Fields accident, and stocks finally plummeted to $300 apiece from their top price, $100,000 apiece. Lucy cashed in what little she had left, for she was smart enough to sell most of her stocks the month before, but she was forced to sell the company to Boeing, which in turn sold it to Microsoft, who in turn sold it to Google, which sold it back to Boeing, who decided that the buck stops with them and that they wouldn't sell it again (for at least a year, after which time the cycle started all over again).

[edit] Present day

No longer in the airline business, though still in possession of all of the diamonds and a bit of the sky she was once famous for, Lucy van Pelt is now an intern for one of the members of the Los Angeles City Council and has since changed her last name to become Lucy Christian in an attempt to conceal her identity, for fear of being stalked by the ever violent paparazzi. In a recent interview, she stated that her ambition was not to be on the council, but instead become the mayor of her hometown, to "finally show that prick Charlie Brown that women CAN be mayor! Take that and stuff it, baldy!"