Lutheranism

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Lutheranism (also Luth'r'nism, Luciferianism) is a form of Roman Catholicism founded by Herr Martin Luther sometime during the 1500s. Scholars generally agree that the exact year was 1517, but no one really cares. Herr Martin Luther was an obese loser who couldn't have Catholicism his way, so he broke off from that Church to make a new Church. Also at the end of their services, its quite normal to say "Heil Luther!". In fact, Luther's "Revised Order for the Lord's Supper" ends with the phrase "Gloria Lutero!" (Latin: "Gloria, gloriae", glory; Lutero ("Luter, Luteroris") to Luther)

Lutherans, with their JesusMech XX342, the Lutheran Hyksos cruelly invaded Egypt and destroyed it. What is amazing... and evil... about this is that it was a thousand or so years before Jesus and just 40 years after the invention of Mechs in Mesopotamia (literally "land of pot smokers").

Vin Diesel(who is also Mega Man xXx) is widely believed to be Lutheran, because of his tendencies to be a complete jackass under the false veil of being a "gentle tough guy." During the making of the movie The Pacifier, for instance, Diesel ate the first three actors for the movie's infant child. After the third, they used a doll. Other highly acclaimed Lutherans include Karl Marx and Garrison Keillor

Sadly, Lutheranism (also known as Lutheranity, Luthernia, Lutha, Big Luth, and many other ridiculously stupid names) only appeals to a few million people, because smart and good looking people hate fat people. And now you know the rest of the story(See also Saint Cyril and Methodious Class of 2000 yearbook).

Specific breeds of Lutherans include mainstream/liberal, conservative, and orthodox. Mainstream/liberal Lutherans are noted for their red tail feathers, though debatably they are not actually Lutherans. Orthodox Lutherans are noted for their distinctly scarlet red tail feathers. This breed claims to have been created by Herr Luther himself, and not by "just any man" (this breed also tends to deify Herr Luther), and argue that the mainstream Lutherans are not obese enough to be classified as real Lutherans. Orthodox Lutherans are scarce, but if you see one be sure not to stare directly into its face because this is rumored to turn men to stone. No women have been brave enough to look directly at such a Lutheran, so it is now known whether the same results are so of them.

Historically, Lutheran theology accepts the theory of Personal Infallibility. This is the concept that everyone except the Pope, Catholics, or other non-Lutherans, are able to interpret the scriptures how ever they want with no chance of error. They also believe that since the death of Jesus, all sin is negated for followers of Christianity. This allows them to lead completely-guilt free lives of sin and debauchery while still being guaranteed entry to Heaven. Even the well-known author Oscar Wilde once mentioned: "Of people in general, there are two classes of people. The first and the second. Surely Lutherans fall into one of those two classes of people."

It is a requirement of Lutherans to bring a Jello mold to all potluck dinners their church may hold. If a Lutheran is found without, they are to be exiled to Lake Wobegon, Minnesota, USA.

[edit] Lutheran Theory of Communion

“ "This is my body" is CLEARLY to be understood as "my body lurketh, magically, yet carnally, in, with, and under this object" not "this literally is my body" as the impious Romanists suggest, nor "this represents my body" as the vile Zwinglians suppose.”

~ Luther on the Eucharist

“ A Mighty Fortess Is Our God, a Bulwark Never Failing”

~ Luther on God physically lurking in, with, and under the elements of a castle.

Perhaps the most strange of all Lutheran dogomas is the theory of Consubstantiation, which states that the literal meaning of "is" is "contain", and can never ever ever mean "literally is" or "represent", and anyone who asserts otherwise is an unsaved heretic.

Those holding to a spiritual view of Communion (for example, all other protestants) have often asserted that the theory of Consubstantiation leads to Monophysitism. Lutherans generally respond to these types of statements by accusing their opponents of the opposite heresy of Nestorianism, or, more often, childish name calling. Non-Lutheran Protestants commonly respond to these accusations by point out the morbid obesity of most, if not all, Lutheran theologians. At this point, most Lutherans with start screaming "THIS IS MY BODY!!!" as though it accomplishes something, denounce all non-Lutherans as an unsaved heretics, and finish the discussion by saying "screw you guys, I'm going home".

[edit] Lutheran Theory of Communism

Lutherans are highly in favor of and in agreement to all the rules and policies stated in Communism, considering one of their members, Karl Marx was infact the creator of Communism. Not to mention Hitler, who persecuted Jews and Catholics, but not Lutherans, for some reason. Basically, the Lutheran religion is very much similar to communism simply because they were both thought up by complete geniouses except communism failed and lutheranism is the not a failure, in fact a huge success. (and they were both German as was Hitler)