Luxembourg
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“Quite often in the clear morning from a high place... you can't see Luxembourg at all. For unfortunately a tree is in the way.â€
~ Germans on Luxembourg
“Holy Skype, this place is tiny!â€
~ Oscar Wilde on Luxembourg
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| Motto: "Big things come in small packages." | |||||
| Anthem: "Leutzebuerg Ãœber Alles!" | |||||
 (Actual Size) | |||||
| Capital | Luxembourg | ||||
| Largest city | Luxembourg | ||||
| Official languages | German,Wannabe German | ||||
| Government | Lagermeister System | ||||
| -President | Princess David Claude Juncker | ||||
| -Prime Minister | Master Nick Lewis | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Midgets, and Beer. | ||||
| Declaration of Independence | Declared Independant after the Invention of Beer. temporarily disbanded after WWI | ||||
| Currency | the Luxembourgian Mark (It was never the franc!) | ||||
| Religion | Expansionism | ||||
| Major exports | War, and small watches | ||||
| Major imports | Anything German | ||||
Luxembourg, (known in the local language, Luxembourgeois, as Legoland, meaning meaning French people pretending not to live in France) is ruled by a group of investment bankers and tax consultants who hide under the alias of The Manditory Yawn. It is a tiny tiny insignificant country nestled somewhere within the subcontinent of Europe, and yet is not so small to preclude dreams of eventual world conquest.
A small Grand Duchy located between Belgium, Germany and France, this tiny little nation has controlled both the British Crown and the American Presidency for over two hundred years, according to this man. Luxembourg is famous for their world-class barbeques and wines. However, Luxembourg does not export wine since, according to the Luxembourgeois people, they "keep the good stuff for themselves and export the bad stuff".
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[edit] History
[edit] Early history
Luxembourg was first discovered by a ravaging and rampaging gang of surprised cartographers in 1066 who discovered that there was a blank bit on their map. This is significant in that, until Petoria was repatriated back into the USA in 2001, there were no other unaccounted for blank bits on the surface of the globe. Settlement by various European and Swiss peoples (fleeing religious and financial persecution) began in 1987. Under the leadership of exiled German warlords, the tiny fledgling country soon experienced explosive growth in population, economic productivity, indigenous yodeling. Tax avoidance schemes were implemented soon after, much to the envy and consternation of the neighboring countries of Germany, France, and Canada, not to mention the ever-present killer moose.
[edit] Recent years
Luxembourg in its recent years has displayed a knack and skill at expanding its borders ever farther to the horizons, beccoming one of the first German Reichs in over 30 years it has recently gone into a typical Germanic Frenzied buildup of Panzers and aircraft for a good war with any of its neighbors. However due to the small size of Luxembourg these war preparations are not scheduled to be completed until 2828. Recently, George Bush has stated that, while an attack from this country would be funny, we should be prepared. No just joking, it would take longer for our army to capture Boston, then this tiny guy.
[edit] The Killer Moose in Luxembourg
Although unknown to the Luxembourgians who first lived in Luxembourg, The countryside is full of Killer Moose, these living only in the boundaries of the Present day Luxembourg. The killer moose has been a major figurehead of the Luxembourgish National Struggle since its foundation. Because of this, all the way until 1993 when a formal declaration of independence from the moose was signed, Luxembourg was constantly at war with Killer moose. Skirmishes however still break out everyday, and peace is tenuous at best.
[edit] Culture
The Luxembourgeois are very well known for their barbecues, which are traditionally held on Saturday afternoons. Because Luxembourg has only one neighborhood, all citizens are invited to each barbecue, hosted by a different manor each week. Because this is the only time the entire population can be found in one place, it is not uncommon to witness the formulation of national policies at these events. The Luxemburger is a staple food at Luxembourgeois barbecues and has attracted diplomats from as far away as Bhutan to attend as guests of honor. The Luxembourgeois are extremely technologically advanced due to their intimate contacts with Germans and Bill Gates.
[edit] Language
Luxembourgeois is a pidgin of French and German and so is, to a limited extent, comprehensible to native speakers of both languages. The Luxembourgeois take pride into the fact that nobody can determine the type of accent they have when speaking English (which they learn for about 26 years) having some people guessing they have a French accent and some people guessing they have a German accent. In reality they have a luxembourguishchhs accent, although not even they are sure.
If you walk down the street listening to the average Luxembourgian speaking, you might hear them say Schmengen, Schmengen, Schmengen. Aside from it all sounding like a bagful of rabid cats, Euch meng en means "I think." Taking the last half of that phrase "Meng en" and combinging it with "Scheiße" we get the "Schmengin" or better known as "Shit-thinking". This is in reference to thinking like the French.
Should you get a wrong number and a guy starts shouting NUMMER DEI DIR GEWIELT HUT GET ET NET, then you should really hang up and dial again, because otherwise you'll hear him yelling at you in English and French and German and you'll feel like a complete loser.
[edit] Drugs
In Luxembourg it isn't legal to smoke dope or in fact huff any sort of small mammal. If you want to smoke/stick/huff/do it in Luxembourg, hide yourself from the police, otherwise you will put a nasty dent in their negative crime rate. And then the Luxembourgish themselves will begin to show their own Germanic Tendencies.
[edit] Industry and Entertainment
This little Reich Grand Duchy is very well know for a unique ability possessed by its inhabitants: the ability to produce the "best" barbecues in the world. So well known are these BBQ that people from around the world come to these events and brings their beloved pets to participate in this ceremony. The tradition has held up even through numerous invasions over the centuries as, with so much of Europe, there has been no shortage of things on fire.
A key element to this type of gathering if the kind of beverage used to wash down the food. Having the best grapes in the world, not to mention the universe, the Luxembourgeois decided to produce the best wine ever produced, since the Romans. (Single handedly kicking the French out of the only thing they claim to do well.)
On the other hand the film industry seems to be blooming in Luxembourg. Apparently, the anal fixation with the highlander movies made the film industry bloom in Luxembourg producing one of the most well known actors of these type of films. The type of film that makes your pubic hair curls in spasms of joy. BLAH BLAH BLAH
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