M. Night Shyamalan

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“WHAT A TWIST!”

~ M. Night Shyamalan on Everything

“What a sis.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Everything about M. Night Shyamalan

“Please....Have this guy watch "It," then maybe he'll shut up about his happy-go-lucky little Village.”

~ Stephen King on being a better Horror writer

“His movies have steadily gotten worse!”

~ Captain Obvious on M. Night Shyamalan

M. Night Shyamalan
Directed by	M. Night Shyamalan
Written by	M. Night Shyamalan
Starring	M. Night Shyamalan
Produced by	M. Night Shyamalan
Distributed by	Buena Twista Twisternational
Release date	April 1, 1970
Runtime	Too long
Language	English
Budget	Too much
IMDb page

M. Night Shyamalan, also known as M. Night Shamalamadingdong, is an American film writer, director, producer, cure for insomniacs, ticket hustler and credit card skimmer. No-one really knows what he is doing in the movie business, but eventually he might let us know in the last remaining 10 minutes of his filmatized autobiography. Contrary to many beliefs, he has not directed the movie Twister. Neither has he written the song Let's twist again, even though it would fit him perfectly. Oh, yes, it would fit him.

He is well known for his great variety in film-making, spanning the entire spectrum from an end with a twist to a surprise finale. He is also famous for his ability to spellbind movie audiences with his high-energy and ultra-fast storytelling. There are rumours claiming he is addicted to Indian low-quality methamphetamine, but this is persistently denied by his drug dealer, who insists that he exclusively uses regular opium. An interesting note is that the DEA is currently investigating if his movies are to be classified as morphine substitutes. But many doctors argue this, since morphine makes you sleepy but definitely not bored.

A recently common jazz word in erotic massage parlours is the "M night special" a spin-off of the "happy ending", originally referred to as the "twist ending" but soon becoming the "M night special" due to the directors use of surprise endings in his films. Anyone requesting an "M night special" after an erotic massage can expect the female massuese to drop her dacks and reveal that she, infact has a penis, at that point M. night will then enter the room and punch you in the face; an unforseeable twist thus living up to its name. The "happy ending" alternative has only ever been ever been requested a recorded 3 times, 1 of those times by M night himself.

Contents 1 Greater works 2 Lesser works 3 Pretentious works 4 Works 5 Next movie - "Twist Ending" 6 Plot twist!

[edit] Greater works

• The ones with Bruce Willis.

[edit] Lesser works

• That shitty one with Mel Gibson where he rapes the alien and finds out its actually his daughter inside the alien, then it twists out of control and it turns out his daughter was a robot inside of a robot alien posing as an alien... then all those other shitty ones, especially that new one, nobody knows what its called because they don't even know it exists

[edit] Pretentious works

• All, after the ego took over.

[edit] Works

• The None Sense (1999) - Bruce Willis plays a proctologist who is treating a young, very immature boy who believes he is a director who can see through transparent movie scripts. In the end, Bruce Willis' character finds out he is actually playing along in an on-going movie production, and the young boy is revealed as being the director, M. Night Shyamalan, himself!
  
  
• Unbearable (2000) - starring again, and again, Bruce Willis, as the sole survivor of an audience who accidentally watched a lethally tedious movie called...yes...Unbearable. There's a twist for you. Samuel L. Jackson costars as a man who says that there are, "...M*other f*uckin' snakes on this plane!".
  
  
• Signs, or ????? (2002) - here we see the signs again, oh yes, the signs of yet another utterly redundant script, as Earth is invaded by alien hostile film critics who believes that Earth's population is made up of clones of Mr. Shyamalan. Filmed in Aramaic with subtitles also in Aramaic, for some reason. Jesus (M. Night Shyamalan) dies in the end.
  
  
• The Village People (2004) - in which the Elders (an Indian, a construction worker, a cop and a sailor) hunt down the untalented M. Night Shyamalan, to reclaim back the movie budgets that were pillaged from them...forcing them to stay at the YCMA. The original twist ending was to have River Phoenix brought back from the dead, Shyamalan eventually gave up on this one after advice from Uri Geller and settled on casting Joaquin Phoenix again instead.
  
  
• Lady of the Lake (2006) - Arthur (M. Night Shyamalan) receives a sword from some watery tart in a lake. Later he then pulls the sword (M. Night Shyamalan) from a rock and becomes King of England and carpenter of the round table. Daryl Hannah has a cameo as a mermaid.
  
  
• The Happening (2008) - Frequently confused for a full length feature film, The Happening is Shyamalan's first effort with a music video. Marky Mark ad-libbs a 107 minute spoken word cover of the 4 non-blondes song "What's Up?" based on the last lines of the original chorus: 'And I say, hey hey hey hey // I said hey, what's going on?'. Marky Mark dies at the end.
• The It (scheduled for release 2017) - no information has been released about this film. Shymalalalan claims that this will actually be part of the film.

[edit] Next movie - "Twist Ending"

We regret to inform you that Mr Shyamalan is working on a new movie with the title Twist Ending.

From the looks of it there actually seems to be new stuff here? The movie is about the ghost of Ed Wood who returns as a 21st century moviemaker. The twist is...that the movie is totally boring, and it hasn't got a twist! Oh sorry, my mistake, I referred to the other one, Lady in the Water. Anyway, the new movie could actually be worthwhile, if we get paid by the hour for watching it, and insomniacs could definitely benefit from buying the DVD. Twist Ending opens up in central Philadelphia, which in itself comes as a surprise, with some random shots of buildings and then a very slow, very long zoom-in on a man feeding pidgeons, played by M. Night Shyamalan himself as a cameo! It seems this is becoming a trademark of his - what a novel idea! The soundtrack promises much - particularly to the deaf - and the special effects are stunning. Now we only have to wait until computer technology can provide moviemaker upstarts with not only state-of-the-art graphics, but also decent scripts.

[edit] Plot twist!

This article is actually about the underwater basketball player, M. Night Shyamalan. For the article about the film director, please see hack.