Magazine
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“The Hotness!”
~ You on Naughty Magazines
A magazine is a multi-paged technicolored glossy publication that is virtually content-free. It is the only known form of literature that has made the transition from print to television essentially unchanged.
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[edit] History of the Magazine
[edit] 1492
The first magazine in history was created by Johann Gutenberg in 1492, when he accidentally dropped 50 pounds of molten wax, a bucket of whore makeup, and several live kittens into the feeding mechanism of his most powerful printing press. The resulting mess was immediately declared the work of homosexual demons and burned by Pope Inconspicuous XXXVII (who secretly made off with one un-burnt copy for his private enjoyment), which set back the Renaissance for many centuries.
[edit] 1776
In 1776, the noted philadelphyist Benjamin Franklin successfully reintroduced the magazine to the world with his publication of Ye Federalist Diatribes, which covered the acrimonious debates over the ratification of the Mayflower Compact whilst informing the readership of the pleasures of wearing the very latest models of oxygen-depriving dolphin bone corset.
[edit] 1903
1903 was a banner year for magazines with the introduction of scratch-n-sniff technology, first featured in Charwoman's Home Journal, Strumpets in Crumpets, and Coprologistic American to the approval of the discriminating readership.
[edit] 1984
In 1984, the magazine Vague broke new ground with the publication of their August issue, with an unprecedented advertisement density of 107%. Many other magazines soon followed suit, thereby setting a new standard in freedom from distracting and meaningful content.
[edit] 2005
In 2005 Hush Flower Magazine blossomed to fill a partial gap left by the departure of the HOB Television show Sex and the Pity. HFM is a boutique magazine targeting marginally literate single men and single women with incomes between $20K and $40K and who are confused about the role of flowers in mating rituals and office politics. This is an example of the ongoing fragmentation of the reading public into ever smaller audiences.
