Magic

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β€œThen he stuck it up my- Oh! It was magic!”

~ Oscar Wilde

β€œLife has been so much easier since science invented magic.”

~ Marge Simpson

β€œAll right, now I'm going to use my magic to fly up this wall.”

~ Steven Seagal

β€œDid I covered this...magic, kupo???”

~ Moank Mest

β€œIt's a kind of magic”

~ Queen on Stating the obvious

β€œThrough the power of magic, I know your name, and it will be found at the bottom of this article*! BWAHAHAHAA!”

~ Jesus

β€œBring back the magic, make it explode!!!!”

~ Halen Weldon

The word Magic comes from the word Majesty, which comes from the word MAJESTIC, which is actually an evil alien organization. MAJESTIC stands for Mike and Jon eating stupid trucks in Canada. MAJESTIC's main goal is to make too many links in one fucking paragraph, and also to make half of them not even work. Uncyclopedia so far has not been harmed.

Magic is the ability to use cheat codes or hacks in the real world. A list of the most notorious real life cheats has been compiled. Its source is the awesome but unpredictable power of 3. It is often confused with Magick, which makes use of the base 13 power of the number 42; and majik, which is just plain silly.

Attendees engaging in the sacred act.
Attendees engaging in the sacred act.

There are numerous methods you may explore if you want to dabble in magic, f.i. rituals, spells, incantations, magical items, magical animals, etc. But some caution is needed. Magical animals for one may be quite annoying and cause you significant trouble with the powers of Evil. And most magic rituals are designed to make you look silly, rather than bring about the result you strive for in an expedient manner.

Contents

[edit] History

Magic was patented by Sir Isaac Newton along with Coppernicus in 1973.

It was actually invented by the Queen of Magic (David Bowie) but Newton overheard the Queen talking about it to Tony Blair during a limbo party on board Ringo Starr's Yellow Submarine. Newton used gravity to beat the Queen to the patent office and thus he now receives a small royalty-fee whenever a spell is cast.

The Queen of Magic was first a Full Metal Alchemist who began to be sick of her life. So she decided to try and get rich quickly by inventing the Philosopher's Stone. Yet only failure came as time passed on, and she was getting pretty desperate. During one of her experiments, she distilled her own urine, creating the cheat code for fire in real life, in other words, the Magic of Fire.

Magic has long been associated with The Gout, a magic related disease.

The largest accomplishment of magic was used in the year 2020 to create the species of dolphins who then traveled back in time in order to have sex with themselves.

MAJESTIC was destroyed after Mike said that Jon's face was ugly, causing a huge fit which actually killed a grue. They then split up.

[edit] Magic Tricks

Go to youtube and search up Hovercard Refined. you'll be surprised at what you see. Anyways, The first magic tricks were rather simple. One of the most famous ones consisted of taking your left hand and bending the index finger in front of the left thumb. The right thumb would be folded underneath the right hand and out of sight. You would then bring the two hands together and then apart again, making it look as though you have torn off your thumb from your right hand and then brought it back together. The trick was a sensation.

For the next two-hundred years, thumb severing tricks dominated the magic scene. The invention of the severed thumb in a box fooled audiences for over fifty years until one spectator accidentally tripped while watching this trick and saw underneath the box and noticed a hole in the bottom where the magician was placing his "severed" thumb through. The man's name was David Copperfield and many suspect that the supposedly "accidental" trip was actually planned as before the fall he loudly said, "Well this trick sure is boring me. I'm just going to walk away and try not to trip and fall on these marbles that I accidentally dropped earlier."

The newest form of magic tricks is STREET magic. This is generally performed in the street and uses magic. Coins take on an enormous amount of magic, since they were invented little kids have been making them disappear from pockets. Finally one guy had enough of getting tied to a pole and getting his money stolen that he thought of a wonderful idea doing magic on television that would make him some money. Unfortunatley making money was prohibited and the TV was not invented. That plan was scratched and he made income through hanging upside down in a straight jacket. His name was "Harry Houdini" He was later named 'pussy' because he died from a boy punching him.

[edit] Magic: the Gathering

Magic: the Gathering is a large event held each year during the first week of July in Boise, Idaho. M:TG is an event where geeks, nerds and men still living with their parents gather to swap cheat codes and to learn new ways of cheating. At the end of the event, the attendees engage in the sacred act of the Hokey Pokey beneath a giant pair of sacred water faucets. This is the origin of the famous M:TG 

Alex Chichkov is the best there is in magic

[edit] Use in the War of Rock

The renowned Captain Beefheart famously used magic in this holiest of mineral-based wars to destroy losers on both sides.

[edit] The Many uses of Magic(not Magik)

  • Being able to complete all levels of tetris
  • The ablity to act like a pose at will
  • The ability to make very small hand sized objects no longer easy to see
  • The ability to touch your right elbow with your right hand
  • The ability to melt peoples bones down into small amorphous blobs(Or is that just me?)
  • The ability to lick your own forehead
  • Being able to cause pain through the magic of hitting
  • Gaydar
  • The skill to use a squid as an electric guitar
  • The ability to throw a piece of bread butter side up.
  • The ability to grenade-rocketjump without turning oneself into a rotating assortment of gibs
  • The ability to speak leet speek incessantly
  • The ability to spell incessantly
  • The ability to beat Mortal Kombat 3 (also see Japanese)

[edit] The single use of Magik

  • Being able to remember your postcode without looking

[edit] Famous Magicians

Note: Magic is often mistaken for Magick, which is the old version, and anyone using it is strongly urged to get an upgrade. Magick is nothing like Magic... take that, circular referencing! 

  *I cannot believe you believed Jesus when he said your name was at the bottom of this article. SUCKER.

(Is it Freddie McFucker?)

[edit] See also

Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Magic"
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