Magical Mystical Mole

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Magical Mystical Mole was the brains behind the creation Lemmy (b. 1567). Although some have claimed that it was a deformity, formed several years after the birth of its host body, the truth is that Magical Mystical Mole was the host body, and Lemmy was the growth. This allowed for Lemmy to be born at the age of 3.

[edit] The Early Years

Little was known about Magical Mystical Mole until fairly recently, when his biography: “I can not say much, but is that really so bad? I mean, seriously, whoa… spaced… look at the colours… beep, beep… I wish I was a tree. Wha?” was released. Still, little is known, as it was a stream of conscious book, and forensic investigators are still trying to work out the coherent mumblings.

As far as most people know, Magical Mystical Mole was born in 7651, some five billion Goat Years after his host body was created. He later traveled back in time after a bar fight opponent came true on his threat: “I’m gonna whoop yo’ ass back to 1567.” The ensuing bruise brought forth Lemmy.

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[edit] The Late Early Years

With the creation of Lemmy, Magical Mystical Mole found himself with a new friend. Stuck in 1567, the year of the Great Spilt Milk, Magical Mystical Mole was soon stuck in the position of teaching Lemmy how to swim. This was to stay afloat with the ensuing crying, bringing forth the saying: “Curiosity killed the cat” (later changed to: “There’s no point in crying over spilt milk” after several years of litigation proceedings).

While out on the town on a bender, Magical Mystical Mole met Hitler and a friendship was formed. This chance encounter proved to be fortuitous for Lemmy.

[edit] The Later Early Years

Out of money and out on the streets, both Lemmy and Magical Mystical Mole were forced to come to a decision. Either sell their bodies for dope, or take up the offer presented to Magical Mystical Mole by Hitler to conduct his new transporter Motorhead. Lemmy suggested that they try the former first, and see where that would lead them.

Unbeknownst to Magical Mystical Mole, Lemmy made plans to do away with him and take up the job conducting Motorhead. Often spiking Magical Mystical Mole’s drinks with urine, Lemmy himself became addicted to the green liquid. In order to feed his habit, he beat Magical Mystical Mole over the head with a camera stand while he was recording him having rough sex.

At this point, both parties felt that a split was needed.

[edit] The Separated Years

Magical Mystical Mole was the most affect of the two from this split. He soon found himself frequenting bars looking for cheap tricks until another chance encounter brought forward an opportunity that he could not resist. The small, black midget who introduced himself as a Gary Coleman suggested that Magical Mystical Mole help him set up his new crime fighting organization: Klu Klux Klan.

Magical Mystical Mole loved the idea and talks between Coleman and himself took place over several minutes. Magical Mystical Mole was particularly pleased with the idea of not having to sell his ass for dope. However, he hated the thought of having to share the glory of the Klu Klux Klan with a small, black midget and promptly ate Coleman.

[edit] The Reunion

Magical Mystical Mole had a dilemma when attempting to set up his new crime fighting organization the Klu Klux Klan. He had no money, and what was a crime fighting organization if there were no shiny badges? The solution was to go back to what he knew best, turning tricks.

The third in an endless line of chance encounters brought him back to his old friend and growth Lemmy. Now aged eight, Lemmy had gotten a sex change and escaped the clasp of Hitler. When Lemmy explained his story to Magical Mystical Mole, both parties agreed that Lemmy had done him a favour when beating him within and inch of his life with a camera stand.

Both also agreed that a reunion was in order.

[edit] Setting Up the Klu Klux Klan

Several years past before any progress was made in the setting up of the Klu Klux Klan, and in such time, Magical Mystical Mole and Lemmy had been classified defactos. This was good for Magical Mystical Mole, as now he had access to Lemmy’s vast estate (estimated somewhere between one to two dollars). A rift between whether the Klu Klux Klan should take over the world or fight crime developed and once again, Magical Mystical Mole and Lemmy parted ways.

Lemmy continued his search for world domination while Magical Mystical Mole set up the Klu Klux Klan. Now with up to one dollar next to his name, Magical Mystical Mole bought a bag of shiny badges and prepared for an influx of recruits. No such thing happened however, as the organization was closed down because its motto: “Were Krazy Kan’t U C! Cum Join NOW!” was deemed too educational.

It did, however, find three recruits before closing: Jean-Luc Godard, Paris Hilton and Evil-Ville. They would later take the name, drop the ‘l’ from Klu, and form the band Ku Klux Klan.

[edit] The Early Late Years

Disillusioned with society, Magical Mystical Mole began writing poetry, crying and sitting in dark rooms with many candles around him. He still sits there today, wearing nothing but black clothes and white make-up.