| Today's featured article
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[edit] Today's featured article
Gerry "Buzzsaw" "Hacksaw" "Chainsaw" "Deathtoll" "Manslayer" "Axemaniac" Cheevers was a demi-god who, appearing in the form of a hockey goaltender, backstopped the Boston Bruins to Stanley Cup victories in 1970 and 1972. Emerging from the mythical and legendary Canada under suspicious circumstances, he still holds several NHL records, most of them involving violence of some kind. Known for his beer-drinking abilities and his unusual choice of headgear, Gerry Cheevers is one guy you don't want to fuck around with. (more...)
[edit] Yesterday's featured article
A faggot is a woodwind instrument in the double reed family, used to play music written in the bass and tenor registers and occasionally even higher, apart from when they have those really annoying squeaky put-on voices sometimes that just put my teeth on edge.
I'm as liberal as the next person, but it just doesn't seem natural to choose to be a faggot player. Because it is a choice, and don't let them tell you any different - they could have picked up any instrument in that music shop, but what did they choose? Not a drum kit or something manly like a trumpet, that's for sure.
Due to the complicated fingering and the problem of reeds, the faggot is one of the more difficult instruments to learn; schoolchildren typically take up the faggot only after starting on another easier instrument. Which means they're perfectly happy when they're kids, and then suddenly they get lured off into that life. I mean what more proof do you need? (more...)
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| Did you know...
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- ...* KingK Quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
- ...that Alternative Medicine is a broad term describing those things which differ from actual medicine, which is hopelessly unhip and square. None of them are quite as healthy as you putting the bong down and getting some fresh air and exercise, but what are the odds of that happening?
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| Word of the Day
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procrastination
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
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| In the news
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- Robert Mugabe bails out world financial system out-of-pocket. (pictured)
- Bank Marathon to replace Bank Run in next olympics.
- Some of our bases have been repatriated. Hooray!
- KKK makes controversial decision to back Obama for president.
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| On this day...
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October 7: Penis Appreciation Day
- -1000 - Cockfighting is invented by Goorg, caveman in Asia Minor. Confusion reigns as roosters square off against genitallia.
- 1590 - Cream Tea Wars (Battle of Spunk Hill)
- 1849 - Edgar Allan Poe writes an epic story about his penis and subsequently dies.
- 1903 - First use of the word "cockpit" by the Wright brothers.
- 1947 - Japanese people vote in its first free erection. Engrish becomes new national language.
- 1959 - Simon Cowell, English recording executive and television judge is born without a penis.
- 1960 - Kennedy & Nixon debate the Cold War and penis length in the second of four scheduled debates.
- 1970 - Richard Nixon announces he has a penis and launches a new five-point peace proposal to end the Vietnam War.
- 1980 - Ronald Reagan announces his plans to resolve the energy crisis and hostage situation in the Middle East by "whipping it out". Reagan wins the election.
- 1997 - The song Detachable Penis becomes a solid gold, rock hard hit (for a few minutes).
- 2000 - While in a fervored political debate on the O'Reilly factor, Japanese Prime Minister Mori Yoshiro mispronounces "election". Thousands snicker.
- 2001 - U.S. invades Afghanistan with an air assault, to eradicate all small penises.
- 2003 - California governor Gray Davis loses his penis and is replaced by Arnold Schwarzenegger.
- 2007 - Actor Daniel Radcliffe, concerning a penis-enhancement e-mail, sues "that guy who keeps offering to make my penis larger" for sexual harrassment; "that guy", who turns out to be Jesus, claims to have been trying to work on his miracle-performing skills.
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