Main Page (band)

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Currently this article appears to have few or no pictures and is hence a candidate for receiving some pictures. If possible, please add some pictures to make it into a full encyclopedia article and then remove this message. Do not remove this notice until it receives some pictures. Failure to comply may result in this template being added again.

Main Page was an English Heavy Metal band which existed between 1964 and 1975, and 2004. The original members were Joseph Smith, Jesus, Buddha, Moses, and Pope.

[edit] 1960's

In 1961, future bassist Jesus was the poetry teacher for Israel High's class of 1964. In this class were a young Joseph Smith, Buddha, and Pope. One day after graduation, the four met in the garage of an Older Man named Moses. Jesus picked up a bass and played the riff to what would become Main Page's first number 1 single, Rock Your Body From Here to Boston and Back. Member Buddha pulled up a drum set, Moses took rhythm guitar, and Pope took guitar. Joseph Smith became the band's somewhat controversial singer. The group put out single after single, starting with Love Me Do which was later plagerized by The Beatles. The band had over 1 million records sold in January of 1966 alone, but tragedy struck quickly and swiftly.

Joseph Smith was riding his platinum coated '54 Harley when he wiped out. He ended up in a coma for 2 weeks, before Terri Schaivo pulled out his feeding toob. He later died.

The band was left without a singer, but they didn't want to make royalties be split 6 ways, so instead Jesus became the band's vocalist. The band was back in business, with 8 more number 1 singles, and 2 number 2 singles in Benmark. Songs written from this period included Back at the Poon, The Internet is for Porn, and Life Sux. It was in 1969 when the band played at Woodstock, and had the best concert of their lives. It was at this monumental concert where Jesus made the biggest mistake of his life: he said "Main Page is bigger than Jesus!".

Outrage swept across the nation, Conservatives called for Jesus to be crucified for his statement, and in fact he was in the summer of 1970.

[edit] 1970's

However, three days after being crucified by a mob, Jesus was resurrected by Pope's tears. The band took a break in 1971 due to Jesus's trauma. This trauma would end after Jesus met the leader of the mob which had crucified him. The mobleader blamed it on the Jews, and people have reportedly cited the Jews as Jesus's crucifiers, when in reality the culprit was none other than Star Jones.

The banned resumed playing in '72, and wrote several more hits, ncluding Right Said Fred and Billy Ray Cyrus, songs about two of our most misunderstood one hit wonders. It was around this time Buddha got into Cocaine, and after sharing some of it with a groupie, caught a Trojan. He spent the rest of his life confused, and downtrodden. The band decided to quit in 1975, forever.

[edit] Was it really forever?

Around 2002, Moses tried to get the fab four back together. Some critics claim that Moses only tried this because he was in debt after Too Much Partying. Pope however was still hella rich, and didn't want to work anymore. The other three wanted to get back together, so they devised a plan against Pope. Basically, they mugged him while dressed like furries.

Pope still didn't want to play, but he needed income, and he didn't want to whore himself on the streets. So during 2004 the band got back together and played one last jam. The money went toward a charity for helping the blind, but in January of 2005 it was revealed that the charity was really a scam used by Buddha to buy himself a shit load of cupcakes, ding-dongs, and hummers. All four members were arrested, and given life sentences. As of November 19, 2005, a petition exists trying to get the band pardoned, or at least to get a refund from the companies involved.