Today's featured article
CITY, State - Today Washed Up 70's Rock Band announced that they would be launching their Forgotten Band Comeback Tour to promote their new CD, Last Chance to Make Money Before We Die. They will be touring many major cities across Large Country, ending the Forgotten Band Comeback Tour with a performance at Large Corporate Sponsor Dome in the heart of City. Last Chance to Make Money Before We Die is expected to hit stores Month.
Many fans are very excited for the new album. "I really liked a lot of the stuff on Album, but I was less impressed with Second Album. Another Album was better, but I kind of thought Producer was trying too hard. Live Album was almost as good as Album," says Loyal Fan, "Of course there was the embarrassment of their foray into "urban sounds" on Ill-Advised Album, but even that wasn't as bad as Embarrassing Post-Rehab Mistake. I have high hopes for Last Chance to Make Money, though." Others, however, are not enthusiastic for the release. "Washed Up 70's Rock Band completely sold out," said Unhappy Fan, "I liked them better when nobody else liked them. But now that they're all well known, and have Gigantic Guitar Company by their side, it's just not the same." (more...)
Yesterday's featured article
Jerry Lamon Falwell, Sr. (August 11, 1933 – May 15, 2007) was an American fundamentalist Christian pastor and televangelist. He was the founding pastor of the Thomas Road Baptist Church in Lynchburg, Virginia in the Christian (big "C") nation of the United States of America. He founded Liberty University in 1971 and co-founded the Moral Majority in 1979.
Falwell led services at Thomas Road Baptist Church, a megachurch in Lynchburg, Virginia from 1956-2007. His Christ-centered leadership lead to the expansion of the church, with it eventually reaching gigachurch status, helped in no small part by the addition of a 'Putt-Putt for Jesus' mini-golf course in 1961, a Christian-themed 'Holy Roller' roller disco in 1977, and a Christian bookstore in 1984. He changed affiliations from the staunchly conservative Baptist Bible Fellowship International to the incredibly conservative Southern Baptist Convention after the BBFI failed to adequately condemn homosexuality, homosexuals, and the dirty things that the latter do to each other in public washrooms, nightclubs and Vermont, and ended his self-identification with fundamentalism in favor of evangelicalism, which has more things that are tax-exempt and the groupies have bigger hair.
Falwell's shift from fundamentalism to evangelicalism is said to have occurred in a roadside conversion, after he had his driver pull his limousine over to the side of the road so that he could berate a homeless man for being lazy. "When I was done verbally castrating the man," Falwell recounts in his book You've got a mote in your eye, America, "I returned to the car, and over the roar of the A/C heard Paul of Tarsis tell me to take my fundamental fundamentalism on the road...and what better way to spread the Good News that people who aren't exactly like me are all going to Hell than evangelicalism?" (more...)
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Did you know...
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- ...that most art critics don't care much for the style of First Gradeism?
- ...that Mussolini's favourite film was Land Before Time IV?
- ...that most art critics don't care much for the style of First Gradeism?
- ...that starting up your computer in MS-DOS mode and entering 'del *.*' makes your computer run infinitely faster?
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In the news
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- Washed Up 70's Rock Band announces new album, Last Chance to Make Money Before We Die; plans to tour Country.
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On this day...
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May 16: Independence Day (New South Wales)
- 1204 - Baldwin IX, Count of Flanders is crowned first Emperor of the Roman Catholic Church. He declares that all people from Flanders must be named Ned and say things like "Howdy Ho Neighborino", and "Okely-dokley"
- 1532 - Sir Elton John resigns as a Queen of England, takes new job as a Stately Homo.
- 1605 - Paul V becomes Presidentof the United States of Canada.
- 1770 - 14-year old Marie Antoinette marries 15-year old Mr. Potato-Head who later becomes king of Ireland. Two years later, the Potato Famine begins, as the new king refuses to allow people to grow and eat his cousins.
- 1866 - Monica Lewinski invents root beer.
- 1910 - The U.S. Congress authorizes the creation of the BATF. The BATF cracks down on drunken hippies in San Francisco the next week.
- 2007 - President George W. Bush dies after choking on his mispronunciation of the word "nuclear".
- 2008 - The Queen of England is declared emo by James Madison in his new book, The Queen and I. Sales soar through the roof. Later that day, with a tear running down her face, the Queen runs a straightblade across her wrist, telling herself that "It's just a phase."
- A long, long time ago - The tyrranic reign of intergalactic emperor Palpatine came to an end in a galaxy far, far away.
- 2009 - Ross declares love to Stephanie Rae in front of millions.
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