Make love

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Love is made in a factory by Lockheed Martin, under commission of the Army of the United Spades of Amerika.

In 2002, a defective batch of love was discovered by the FDA, leading to calls for an investigation into the matter. However, the Joint Chief of Staffs intervened and said that the recipients of the defective batch didn't need the love, anyway. (See also: tough love)

[edit] Versions

Since the initial version, released at teatime on Friday 21st December 1542, Love has undergone a number of key improvements.

• v1.0.0 First version released, but with disapproval in Germany
• v1.0.5 Minor revision corrects problem of spontaneous explosion when near vicars.
• v1.1.0 First major revision, barbed wire replaced with fluffy kittens. Sales rise throughout world, Germany still disapproves.
• v1.1.5 Kittens replaced with tigers. Maureen Kibmley (Berkshire, England) is mauled, Love v1.1.5 is withdrawn.
• v1.1.6 Share and enjoy capacity added.
• v1.1.7a1 Love switched for War. This version was not released to the general public.
• v1.2.1 Colour-scheme changed from brown to pink, sales begin to pick up in Germany.
• v1.2.2a1 War switched back to Love. One crazy, ranting developer was fired. Code for the rumored kareokee version is implemented. This version was not released to the general public.
• v1.2.2a1.1 Kareokee (semi-carnivorous goat) replaced with Karaoke (a device that plays instrumental accompaniments for a user to sing with). Twelve developers hospitalized. This version was not released to the general public (it was leaked, and can be found on bittorrent, however).
• v1.3.0 Singing edition, complete with six different annoyingly happy songs.
• v1.3.5 Update removes bug in love v1.3.0 in which the song 'I want to kill and maim you you evil harlot' is occasionally played.
• v1.3.6 Special 16th Century celebration edition. Includes free spork.
• v2.0.0 Love updated to be compatible with new product, hate.
• v2.1.0 Two different varieties of love added, gay and bisexual.
• v2.1.1 Modification made in response to requests by the Catholic church. Those selecting the gay option are now highlighted.
• v2.2.0 Regression of previous feature addition.
• v2.2.0H Hacked version released. So called 'Fire and Brimstone Edition'

Love can also be made by putting 2 small cats in a garage for a week with a grand piano, leave it wo fermant for 2 days and then put it into a cabbage patch for the remanding week - although this is not recommended due to problems with werewolfs.