Malt liquor
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"Malt Liquor is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy, or somethingā€¯
~ Franklin Benjamin, 1980's Philadelphia hobo
Malt liquor has been the method by which homeless people and poor college students have been getting drunk via for thousands of years. It isn't really a liquor at all but a secretion of the Earth's crust, commonly found in Mexico and other parts of Central America, although deposits have been found worldwide, in fact, archaeologists say the first use of Malt Liquor was by Egyptian scribes in 8000 BC. It is most commonly found in its natural state in 40 ounce bottles, however, modern drilling techniques have resulted in the advent of the 24 ounce can. Men must take special care when drinking malt liquor to not be crushed by all the babes that will be instantly attracted to their thrifty swilling bravado.
[edit] Modern History
Popular brands such as Colt 45 and St. Ides have cemented malt liquor's place in history. Malt liquor is attributed to the Presidential victory of George W. Bush in the 2000 U.S. election, as malt liquor gave many the impression that Bush was indeed a "compassionate conservative".
