List of weapons that shoot other weapons that don't exist, but should
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From LOWTDEBS
“In Soviet Russia, the Weapon fires you firing the weapon firing your mom!”
~ Soviet Russia on weapons of USSR
This class of weapons includes an infinite number of variations, any one of which could have been used against Saddam Hussein by Baghdad Bob if he'd only had it available.
[edit] Gun That Shoots Swords
A bullet can travel longer distances because of its Aerodynamic design. But really, how many times have you needed to shoot someone from that far away? Besides, the ammunition you use is equal to the size of your penis. If you're a real man, you'll ditch that trash and instead use swords as ammo. While a dead man with several dozen bullet holes can strike fear in most people, a dead man with several dozen swords will cause nothing short of pure terror and panic. Besides, think of how much work you'll save the poor autopsy performer. It is known through history that of all the countries to try this idea, Belgium came closest to achieving a workable prototype. However the furthest the Belgians ever achieved was a crossbow that shot swords. This weapon was used by the Belgians to hold off the Germans in World War I at the Battle of Skull's Forge, although mystery surrounds this event due to the fact that this so-called Belgium doesn't really exist. After the battle all but one of the weapons was destroyed by the Germans and was believed to be lost. Many years later it was found by an assassin who used it to try to kill Bill Gates before being burned alive by Dark Jesus. However the crossbow was lost after the assassination attempt for a thousand years. Indiana Jones is currently searching for this crossbow in the Mojave desert.
[edit] Sword That Shoots Guns
This is the logical opposite of the coolest possible gun, the gun that shoots swords. So logically, this should be the un-coolest possible weapon, and only exists doesn't exist to define the possible range of awesomeness.
A sword that shoots guns doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Although, the concept was toyed around with in the creation of the sword that shoots bullets. But then again, the sword that shoots bullets is vastly superior to a sword that shoots guns, for you are just pointlessly arming your opponent.
[edit] Gun That Shoots Guns That Shoot Swords
Similar to the gun that shoots swords, but instead of shooting swords, it shoots another gun. This gun's trigger is attached by a string to the inside of the first gun. When the second gun reaches the end of the string, you pull back on the first gun and the second gun shoots a sword. Effective for long range combat.
[edit] Gun That Shoots Fat Guys
Very effective.
[edit] Gun That Shoots Guns
This might sound boring, and it is. The gun that shoots guns can do no more than knock your opponent unconscious, this is because the gun that shoots guns only allows you to pistol-whip your enemies over great distances.
Use of the gun comes with a risk due to the fact that if you miss, you have now armed your enemy with a boring, yet perhaps more lethal, gun.
[edit] Gun That Shoots at Guns
Vastly superior to the gun that shoots guns, the gun that shoots at guns will automagically target any other guns in the area being held by enemies, and shoot them out of their hands. Useful for disarming whole groups to either settle thing peacefully or torture them mercilessly. Not effective however, if you actually wish to kill someone.
[edit] Gun That Shoots Guns That Shoot Guns
This weapon, while less effective than a normal gun, is perfect for cruelly raising your enemy's hopes. Think about it, your enemy fires a gun at you. You think that they have foolishly armed you. But when you shoot them, you arm them. OWNED!
[edit] Guns That Shoot Enemies
You may be thinking that this is not a new idea, but imagine firing one of these at someone, who expects to block a projectile of some kind, only to find that another guy comes out of the barrel, and then shoots them with one of the aforementioned guns. Makes an excellent combination with the infinite regression shotgun if you are outnumbered and want to even the odds, to infinity. Alternatively, a gun that shoots enemies of the holder of the gun. Nothing will surprise and alarm your foes more than you firing a projectile person, who in turn shoots at you.
[edit] Gun That Shoot at Enemies
Not very surprisingly, these guns propel bullets inside of people you are angry at. (This weapon is currently under investigation by the Bureau of Weapons that Don't Exist, But Should, after accusations of existence. The NRA declined to comment when contacted.) The IRA remarked at having developed an alternate version, a gun which propels itself into an enemy, and offered comments, mostly unprintable, about things that protestants can do to themselves with aforementioned gun.
[edit] Gun That Shoots You
In Soviet Russia, guns shoots YOU!!
[edit] Gun That Shoots Tanks
Your enemy may think that they have outsmarted you by wearing a bullet-proof vest. Which is why they will be surprised when, instead of a bullet, a tank comes out the barrel of your gun.
[edit] Infinite Regression of Guns That Shoot Guns
This type of hand gun will fire guns that fire guns that fire guns that fire guns that fire guns that
fire guns that fires guns that fire guns that fire guns that fire guns that fire guns that fire guns... on to infinity
...and continues to fire guns after impact with the target.
[edit] Shotgun that Shoots shotguns
This weapon appears to be a shotgun. It looks like a shotgun, sounds like a shotgun, feels like a shotgun, smells like a shotgun, has the aura of a shotgun, and tastes like a shotgun. However, when fired, it shoots a spread-fire shot of more shotguns, which in turn, shoot shotgun shells.
[edit] Infinite Regression of Shotguns That Shoot Shotguns
If a shotgun that shoots shotguns is good, then a shotgun that shoots shotguns that shoot shotguns that shoot shotguns, etc., would be infinitely good! However, experiment has shown that it's only infinitely good if the projectiles are allowed to continue regressing for an infinite time. If any projectile hits anything, the weapon becomes a finite quantity good, which of course is infinitely less than infinitely good, which may in fact be infinitely bad.
[edit] Nano-ninja Shotgun
This weapon is a variation on your standard issue shotgun. Instead of loading your shotgun shells with shot, you load them with nano-ninja's (ninjas that have been reduced in size to the extent that a number of them can fit in a shotgun shell). Being fired upon with the Nano-ninja Shotgun is reportedly an extremely unpleasant experience. Imagine a number of small ninjas crawling over your body inflicting various painful (although tiny) injuries. Then imagine the real danger this weapon presents to a target: the ninjas who become lodged in skin and flesh and have to fight their way out.
[edit] Rocket-Propelled Chainsaw Launcher
This is essentially a Rocket Launcher in which one places an RPC, and from which the chainsaw is launched. Due to its design, it has very little recoil. The design project was completed by a member of a highly organised military club. The RPC was chosen for it's brutallity, excellent range This has been tested in a 3-D programme so it can get the ultimate amount of pain! Poor simulation character number 3...
[edit] Chainsaw-Propelled Rocket Launcher
This weapon, invented by Thomas Edison during a trip to Soviet Russia, is essentially the opposite of the Rocket-propelled Chainsaw Launcher. Remember that the opposite of a gun is not turning it around and pointing it at yourself while you think of that. As the chainsaw turns it launches a stream of rockets out of the end of the barrel.
[edit] Gun That Shoots the Cast of 'Chips'
We've always wanted one, but sadly this might not come to fruitation. Oh and the gun is backwards...surprise the enemies!
[edit] Gun That Shoots Backwards Gun-Shooting Guns
Invented by the hilarious Arab community of western Belgium, this gun shoots a gun that shoots another gun out of its handle. This gives you one more gun and a migraine thinking about the infinite cycle of guns you could get.
[edit] Whip That Shoots Guns
A gun flies off of the whip and pistol-whips your enemies from a distance. There are many versions of this weapon, including the whip that shoots a gun that shoots rubber duckies and the feared infinite regression whip that shoots whips that shoot whips... etc.
[edit] Flamethrower That Shoots Tanks
The weapon is approximately one meter long, and shoots bowling-ball size tanks, which are on fire. These in turn can fire at the target and are operated by miniature nuns.
[edit] Tank That Shoots Links
This weapon has been around for a long time, starting when Mr. T invented Chuck Norris in the year 1482.6. A variation of this is the Tank That Shoots Misleading Misleading or Pointless Links.
[edit] Tank That Shoots Lynx
This is possibly the most useless kind of tank ever used for offensive missions. However, there have been reports that they have been used in several deliberate friendly fire incidents, which has led to many squaddies getting laid. This is because the overpowering odour of the deodorant temporarily knocks out any woman in the nearest 8 cubic metres.
[edit] Tank That Shoots Swords
After the initial development of guns that shoot swords, a need for heavy armoured support was discovered. The natural conclusion was a self-propelled vehicle which could cross trenches, crush barbed wire, and was impervious to machine-sword-gun fire.
A notable example is the Nazi German KlingeTiger which became infamous during World War II. It's ability to fire a massive 1.6m Zweihander double-handed sword proved far superior to the Light Rapiers of the M4 Sherman, and similar tanks.
Of course, do you really need to read this to know how awesome this is?
[edit] Scorpion That Shoots Scorpions That When They Sting You, Turn Into Scorpions Which Shoot Scorpions
Imagine wielding a scorpion against your foes, and firing a scorpion at them that stings them, then watching them turn into a writhing mass of scorpions. After doing so you should avoid these scorpions at all costs, since each of them also turns anything it stings into scorpions, which shoot scorpions, which shoot more scorpions. If you can capture your enemy in a box before shooting them, you will then have access to a much more powerful weapon, the Box of Scorpions.
[edit] Gun that Shoots Pancakes that Oscillate at the Frequency of the Hyperdimensional Resonator
All previous experimental weapons using pancakes as the primary projectile have usually been quite unreliable, mostly due to the aerodynamic nature (or lack thereof) of the pancake itself. The GTSPTOATFOTHDR, however, begins by rotating the pancakes at such a high revolution, that instead of being ripped apart by inertial forces, the pancake generates an induced gravitational field which holds itself together. Using a knocker developed in unknown labs of Siberia, deep beneath the surface of the earth, the pancake is "tapped" lightly as it leaves the barrel of the GTSPTOATFOTHDR, causing it to vibrate at the frequency of the well-known Hyperdimensional Resonator device, which will not kill, incapacitate, or (intentionally) injure the target, but merely send them to their exact position, at an unknown date or time in the past or future, on an alternate worldline.... which probably sucks, unless in that worldline, the language AAAAAAAAA! does not exist.
[edit] Filing Cabinets That Shoot Fridges That Fire Cans of Coke
For when you need to kill those thirsty enemies, use a coke firing fridge shooting filing cabinet!
[edit] Bazooka That Shoots Black Holes
This is basically a bazooka which sucks up the nearest sun and causes it to collapse on itself, turning it into a black hole. The black hole is then fired from the bazooka. The downside is that the shooter is ironically sucked into their own black hole, along with everyone and everything within the solar system.
[edit] Chainsaw That Shoots Flaming Kodiak Bears
Like the name says, this chainsaw has been modified to shoot flaming Kodiak bears.
[edit] Sword That Shoots Bullets
Researchers in the fictional Land of Square have finally developed the coolest possible sword. The gunblade consists of a long revolver with a keenly sharpened barrel edge. Now it's ok to bring a knife to a gunfight, since it's also a gun. This non-existent weapon naturally suggests the non-existence of...
[edit] Enormous Bomb Composed Entirely of Smaller Bombs, Themselves, Composed of Smaller Bombs
A huge bomb that, when it goes off, send tons of smaller bombs out in every direction. All of those bombs go off and send tons of even smaller bombs in every direction. This goes on for quite some time until the bombs are each a single atom of a radioactive element, and each of those bombs, which now basically cover the earth, all go off in nuclear explosions. Unfortunately, the entire earth is blown to bits in the proccess, so unless you are in outer space, this weapon is only useful for suicide bombers.
[edit] Chute That Shoots Chutes
This rather fascinating chute, originally designed as a garbage chute, was adapted by George W. Bush to instead shoot bamboo shoots... but accidentally put parachutes into the chute instead, and thus discovered that his creation was perfect for entrapping the enemy in parachutes. Also used to launch paramilitary personnel. Recent variants have been created to shoot shoes, suits, Suse, and soot.
[edit] Gun That Shoots Kittens
Sounds rather idiotic to shoot a kitten at someone, right? That cute and cuddly thing in the barrel wouldn't harm a thing, right? Well, when you pull the trigger and the kitten erupts from the gun, that kitten is suddenly extremely pissed, and since that extremely angry kitten is heading directly towards an unsuspecting head...do the math. And remember. If the cat misses its target, you can always huff it.
[edit] Shuriken That Shoots Shurikens That Hide in the Shadows of the Previous Shuriken
Upon throwing the initial shuriken at the enemy, it immediately launches another shuriken that travels hidden by the shadow of the first shuriken. Only the awesomest of ninja can stop it.
[edit] Gun that Shoots Tiny Needles That Have Been Dipped in a Toxic Cocktail of Dimethyltryptamine and Botulinum
An injection of one of the most powerful psychoactive substance, Dimethyltryptamine along with one of the most poisonous naturally occurring substances, the neurotoxic protein Botulinum. The victim would instantly begin halucinating, literally leaving reality and traveling to whatever distant world is summoned in their mind. At the same time, the Botulinum would start working and the nervous system begins to fail. The hallucinations would cease after 15 minutes the victim dies in extreme pain.
[edit] Gun that Shoots Doritos That Shoot Jalepeno Seeds
This gun was first created in mexico. It was primarily used by individuals trying to sneak into the U.S. illegally. It resembles a sawed off shotgun except for the fact that it fires bite size Doritos. These Doritos have a proximity fuse which explodes at about six inches from the victims face. When the explosion occurs thousands of microscopic Jalepeno seeds burst forth coating the victims eyes. The seed will then shoot nano drills which bore into the eye ball providing a place for the seeds to inject their spicy hate. There are other variations of this weapon, including nacho cheese, cool ranch, and many other flavors. It is rumored that a Habenaro version is also in production.
[edit] Gun That Shoots Your "BFF"
It's just a gun. You use it to shoot your BFF.
[edit] Rocket Launcher That Shoots Michael Bays
A seemingly ordinary rocket launcher which, when fired shoots a pack of Michael Bays, which barrage your enemy with over-the-top special effects. Results may include but are not limited to: Boat chases, car chases, plane chases, train chases, flaming shopping cart chases, exploding buildings or over sized children's toys attacking the planet.
[edit] Gun That Fires at Will
This is a gun that shoots all wills, including the elusive William Shatner. This gun was first seen in the film independence day firing at Will Smith.
[edit] Gun That Fires A Bullet Being Riden By Leslie Nielsen
Quite popular in the 80's and 90's these very quickly became standard issue for the NYPD due to its effective combination of lead bullets and Leslie Nielsen. Their versatility as a weapon was questioned often by officers, but the gun manufacturer hit back by claiming " If It Works Fine, Why Change It?". And so these guns were typecast in the same role for many years to come.
[edit] Gun That Fires Multiple Bullets Being Riden By Leslie Nielsen
A 2ND Generation Nielsen bullet was released later that decade, this time it fired multiple bullets which Nielsen would then ride. Again, the gun worked well enough but there was not enough versatility and so production soon halted. The gun was resurrected for a few minor roles but unfortunately never reached its former glories.
[edit] Mandolin That Fires Invisible Swords
During World War III, the mandolin was popular on the Arm & Hammer front. The Mandolin That Fires Invisible Swords or "Jon Stewart" for short, are actually small violins that you can throw at people and they turn into invisible swords in the air.
[edit] Sword That Shoots Other Swords
The world's coolest gun (Gun that Shoots Swords) meets the world's coolest sword (Sword thst Shoots Bullets). The user must be completely unhurt, and pure at heart, so if you watch porn, or have did something stupid and got hurt, you are SOL.
[edit] Gun That Shoots Ninjas That Throw Napalm and Pidgeon Shit and also Cast a Healing Spell Over the Original Gunman and Summon Hot Chicks Playing Kick-Ass Guitar Solos While Showering In a Communal Shower and Are Prone to Acts of Lesbian Sexuality with Each Other
What? You don't get it?
[edit] Gun that shoots itself
A gun that when fired, travels back in time, lodges itself in it's own barrel shooting itself with itself ,which in turn travels through time so that it shoots itself, where upon you have a gun that shoots itself, shoots itself shoots itself, which in turn travels through time so that it shoots itself, where upon you have a gun that shoots itself, shoots itself, shoots itself, shoots itself ,which in turn travels through time so that it shoots itself, where upon you have a gun that shoots itself, shoots itself, shoots itself, shoots itself, shoots itself .... Eventually the gun is moving at the speed of light and destroys the universe.
[edit] Flaming Chainsword Gunchucks
Twin uzis (without the sissy trigger guards) linked together by cable with 12" chainsaws modified into short swords protruding from the grips near lighter fluid dispensers that cover the chinsword parts in firey goodness!
[edit] Chuck Norris with a Cloning Gun that shoots Clones of Chuck Norris
The most deadly weapon ever made was Chuck Norris, until Mr. T gave him a cloning gun.
[edit] Guns that shoot basketballs that shoot watermelons that shoot rapping chimpanzees at ghetto kids who shoot drugs.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Allow me to introduce the Ghetto Blaster.
