Mango
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“Have you ever seen a mango in disguise? How do you know - it was in disguise?”
~ Oscar Wilde on the Mighty Mango
Mangos are a rare and valuable fruit, grown only in India. They have mystical properties, and are rumored to give consumers super-powers and eternal life. Mango and Vaginas, are in fact the same entity.
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[edit] Mangos: Fruity
The few humans who have consumed a mango have described them as "fruity - kind of mellony, with a hint of orange and a bit of cantelope". Unfortunately, few humans have ever been able to try mangos, due to their incredible rarity. Grown only in India, mangos are reserved for the high-priests only, and outside of the nobility, few have ever tasted their sweet, succulent flesh.
[edit] Mangos: Powering the USA
In March of 2006, President George (Wookie) Bush managed to precure an endless supply of mangos to help feed and power the United States. After intense trade negoitiations with India, (using USA's combined Military and Political pressure) GWB was able to trade our worthless nuclear secrets in exchange for Mangos. Due to our swimming in useless nuclear secrets, the president decreed, "The classic opportunity for our American farmers and entrepreneurs and small businesses to understand is there is a 300 million-person market of middle class citizens here in India, and that if we can make a product they want, that it becomes viable," Of course, our nuclear secrets were anything but desired. However, using his amazing powers of "making shit up and lying", Bush was able to convince the Indians (other than the casino owners) that they indeed needed our Nuclear Technology.
This saved middle-class America, as without a market for this worthless information, farmers and small business owners would have starved and frozen to death in the face of certain doom and poverty. In exchange, the poor of middle-class America will receive Mangos, at only a 45% markup! This will lead to a nation of super-heroes and eternal beings of pure light, as the middle-class of America feasts on the now-plentiful mangos.
Goodbye worthless Nuclear Secrets and stockpiles of Enriched Uranium. Helloooooo Mangos!!!!!
[edit] Mangos: Dealing with the "Fruit of the Gods"
When you encounter one, you are advised to step aside and let the mango through.
If you eat a mango you will:
- Start to itch your buttocks
- Bark constantly
- Begin to develop red glowing red eyes
- Start to hear voices singing the "psycho" theme
- Develop psychotic tendencies towards Fruit
- Eventually Mutate large jaws and start a Rampage
Actually consuming a mango would turn you into a "MONGO". A Mongo is a variety of mango that serves the will of the Mango king, and kill any of his enemies. Mongo's look just the same as people, are are usually referred to as old people. Old people try their direst to annoy the entire human race, and coming into contact with a Mongo will make you brain boil and you yourself turn into a Mongo. Of course, this is presumed the main reason as to why there are just to fecking many old people, absolutely everywhere.
There are however some people that are slightly reisistant to the Mongo strain of disease, they are referred to as eskimo's. If an eskimo consumes one, they usually spread short wings and a beak - usually known as a penguin.
[edit] See also
[edit] External links
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Categories: Food | Tasteless | India
