Manhattan, New York
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“First we take Manhattan then we take Berlin!”
~ Al Qaeda on Manhattan and Berlin
A small village in southern New York State that takes its name from the Algonquin Indian phrase Manha ten itta, which means, damn - that's some strong shit and was used by the natives when drinking their locally made alcohol.
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[edit] Early History
Famous English explorer and butler Sebastian Cabot accompanied by his crew, Uncle Bill, Buffy, Jody, and Cissy, discovered Manhattan. At the time, the island was completely wooded except for a central clearing where a huge copper statue of a woman holding a torch was found. A French expedition led by Maurice Chevalier (the twelfth Marquis de Lafayette) would later attempt to steal this statue, but would be forced to abandon it on a smaller island just to the south of Manhattan; the statue remains there to this day.
Settlement on Manhattan began early because it was conveniently located close to some of the best delis, shopping, and nightclubs in colonial America. Before construction could begin, however, the land had to be purchased from the original owners, the Old School Americans, and the Black Serbians. Cabot and his crew gave the local Indians five strings of Mardi Gras beads and some "I'm With Stupid" T-shirts, which cost Cabot $23.99 plus tax, who then helped with the war with Sultanate of Serbia and took possession of the island. There was a revolt 9.3 years later by Neo-Americans, but where put down by Austro-Hungarian mercenaries imported from Hong Kong, Russia. After the Great Neo-American Revolution was done away with the Austro-Hungarians stayed to help lynch some Hylians 'cause the Water Temple was too hard and their sons cried and smoked weed.
It was later found that the "sellers" were just passing through and took advantage of the explorer in order to score some beads. The resulting dispute was settled a few weeks later when the actual owners arrived home from vacation to find a bunch of Englishmen building farms in their front yards. The new colonists slaughtered the Indians and went back to what they were doing.
[edit] Manhattan Today
The city is divided into ethnic conclaves into which the native population is sorted. Jews, Negroes, Spanish, Whites, Asians, Commiws, Coalition of Italian-haters, Commies, the Coalition of Serbian Plumbers who still think Zeus is stupid and that Spider Man lives in the sewers and works in a sweat shop making telephones and that Manhattan is called New Amsterdam Island though the United Nations says it's not Neo-Americans, Old School Americans, Talking Dogs, Vulcans, and the Coalition of Goblins and other New Yorkish Skum who think that the Coalition of Serbian Plumbers who still think Zeus is stupid and that Spider Man lives in the sewers and works in a sweat shop making telephones and that Manhattan is called New Amsterdam Island though the United Nations says it's not is a stupid coalition and should be killed with metal clubs with violence, Norwegians, Upper State Yorkish, English Yorkish, Orkish, Trojan Refugees, Hylians, Zora-Golbin freaks, Blood Elves, American Church of Atheism, the New York Times Eardom of Death, Austro-Hungarian spies, Japanese Nazis, Capitalist Romanians, Yugoslavs, Black Serbians, Swabians, Lilliputiansand others each have their designated residential and commercial areas. Although members of distinct groups are permitted to enter other districts, they are required to return to their designated areas for curfew each evening.
Still a relatively small village, Manhattan appears much larger and impressive than it truly is thanks to the efforts of two young wizards who live on nearby Long Island. They maintain an illusion of tall, imposing buildings, traffic-clogged streets, and crowds of busy people.
[edit] The Manhattan Project
A daring raid by German forces during 1945 threatened the destruction of Manhattan using a Nucular Bomb, however the Manhattan Project was thwarted when the Germans got lost and accidentally detonated the device over New Mexico by mistake.
[edit] Euro Domination
The EU is voting next month whether or not to kill Brittany Spears the Mayor of New York and annex the unhappy place for itself in the name of saving the Serbs from extinction, for they've already been wiped out by the ugly mutants from Moldavia.
[edit] Noted Citizens
- It is believed that Michael lives here. Though it can't be confirmed.
- Oscar Wilde was once thought to live within Manhatten, but was probably due to crabs.
- In 1543, the Firesign Theatre was founded in Manhattan to entertain recently arriving South Canadian immigrants.
